I guess you can say that im getting better...
My chest doesn't hurt as much...
But im afraid that this feeling...
The feeling that everything is okay.
Will soon disapear.
Thats why I don't like being happy becuase the second I forget about my past.
It comes crawling back just to make sure to push me back down into sadness.
Its almost my birthday
I'll be 15 on June second
I feel so old. And I cant believe that the month on june also marks my dads birthday. June 24th
It also marks his 5th year since he disappeared.
June.
I love to hate this month
I dont want to get old.
I dont want to remember that he's MIA
My uncles get older every year.
My uncle Danny is leaving to work towards his career. He has everything planned out he knows what he'll be doing today...tomorrow...ten years from now.
But yet...im still left behind...I don't even know if I'll still be alive tomorrow.
Why are they leaving me?!
I-I'm scared..
Please im loosing my sanity...
I thought I was getting better and for a while I felt like I could be normal.
But in reality what was I thinking?
That my nights of painful nightmares would stop simply because I fell in love?
I fell in love with imperfect perfections and yet I fell like my flaws are more noticable now.
This is all just a test...a test of faith
What if I just give up?
Im done trying to fit in
Im done trying to feel happy
Im done trying to go by every day acting like everything is okay when I know its not! Stop playing these games!
Just...stop breathing...
