The Act of Courage

Back to Reality

Chapter 4

I heard voices but couldn’t understand what was said. There were blurred images of faces peering down at me and moving away as darkness came again. Gradually, things got clearer and clearer. The blinding lights were the first thing I noticed. The brightness hurting my eyes. I had to shut them again because my eyes weren’t accustomed to them, blinking thrice before the vision cleared. I was in a room, with a machine next to me- a hospital room. I saw the nurse leaving the room as I tried to get up but, something was holding me down. Pain.

I realized the large white bandage on my wrist. ‘So that’s where the pain came from,’ I thought to myself. Then everything came back, the realization of what happened. My mom asked me to get lost. I tried getting lost. ‘Who saved me? Who wouldn’t let me leave this cruel world?’ I screamed inside.

For quite a while I was lost sinking deep into the questions I asked myself. I tried so hard recalling what happened after I slid that knife through the skin of my wrist but all I could remember was watching my own blood flowing out of it until darkness overwhelmed me. I cursed myself for not being able to witness at least a clue of which mean creature broke my attempt of getting lost.

But then a loud bang of the door opening brought me back to my senses. There in the midst of the opened mahogany hospital door, stood a tall, sleek, fashionable, young looking woman- my mother, her face contorted in an all - consuming anger, her nostrils flaring, her eyes flashing and closing into slits, her mouth quivering and drooling, slurring unintelligible words came spewing into space like a volcano releasing its pent up emotions into the darkness. 

“YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH! I SPENT 9 MONTHS CARRYING YOU AND HOURS FIGHTING TO GIVE LIFE TO YOU, BUT YOU! YOU DARE THINK OF ENDING IT SO EASILY? DID I NOT GIVE YOU A GOOD SCHOOL TO EDUCATE YOU TO NOT EVER THINK OF WASTING YOUR LIFE? WHAT DO YOU WANT? YOU JUST CAN’T SEE ME HAPPY IS IT? YOU WANT ME TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH MAKING A FUNERAL FOR YOU SO THAT MY FIANCE WILL KNOW THAT I HAVE A DAUGHTER AND SHE COMMITTED SUICIDE? DO YOU WANT ME TO LOOK LIKE A FAILED MOTHER IN FRONT OF MY FIANCE? WHY WON’T YOU LET ME BE HAPPY JEN?” she screamed a s she went closer and closer to me.

            I stayed silent as tears began running down my cheeks. I couldn’t help it. My heart was scarred knowing that my mom thought so low of me. She thought I did this to make her look bad in front of her fiancé. She thought I did this to ruin her.

“You won’t talk to me Jen? Fine! We don’t have to talk. I will pay all the hospital bills. And I expect you to not do something as stupid as this ever again. You are lucky enough that Jake found you in time or you’ll be -”

“Jake? Jake found me, Mama?” I interrupted her, shocked of the name I just heard.

“YES STUPID JENNY! I said Jake found you. You should really learn of how to be grateful! I will hire people to keep an eye on you! So make sure you don’t do anything stupid anymore. I will continue to send you money monthly and if you need anything more, contact my secretary. Now I really beg you to not show yourself in front of me, at least until I get married next week. Be a good girl please!” she spoke sternly before I heard her high heels clacking out of the room.

            The tears were flowing faster and faster as her words echoed and echoed in my mind. I sat motionless on the rough white hospital bed, still unable to believe what she did just now. Not a single question was asked regarding my health. Not a single expression of concern was shown. As my cries got louder and louder, I pulled the hospital blanket deeper, allowing it to cover me completely. I let it all out. The frustration, the pain, the grief, everything. I forced myself to continue letting all out, feeling better every second. My tears were still rapidly flowing out and I was still there sinking in all the sadness. Until I felt a warm hand hugging me through the thin blanket, while slowly unwrapping it from me.  Still with tears flowing down, I looked up to see the owner of the hand.

Jake.