The Act of Courage

The twist

Chapter 6

            I carefully took out the IV and guided myself to stand up. I dragged myself to the cupboard where I saw the nurses kept all my medications. There was a lock on it. It requires a pass code. I read the paper stuck to the cupboard and inferred that the next doctor/nurse check was in an hour. I had an hour to figure the pass code of this cupboard. I touched the lock and started turning the numbers.

______________________________________________

It’s been 15 minutes since I twist and turn the numbers on the lock but I still couldn’t find the pass code. Wait… an idea popped... THE ROOM NUMBER!

            I stood up carefully and dragged myself towards the door, opened it to look at the room number, and closed it again before anyone saw me.

I walked towards the cupboard again and turned the numbers. 5..2..3..1.. CLICK!

“I succeeded, I’m going to die,” I said loudly to myself.

Opening the door of the cupboard, I looked for that jar. The one jar filled with the weapon. The weapon I’ll use to kill myself. And I found it. The jar with ‘thiotexene’ on it. The drug they used to calm me down yesterday. I took out 10 pills and walked to my bed.

Tears were running down my face again as I reminisced all the beautiful memories life had given me, also the bitter moments of it. I held a breath as I recalled my mother’s denial and words again. It was all it took to assure me to do it. Still in tears, I grabbed the glass of water beside my bed and took all the first 5 pills of thiotexene down my throat. I felt as if I turned weaker immediately as I forced myself to swallow it. I was about to take the next 5 pills when Jake came barging into my room.

He ran to me as I cried motionlessly, still trying to push my hands forward and put the pills into my mouth.

“JEN! What are you doing? How much did you take? 5?” he shouted as he looked at the 5 wrappers beside me and tossed the rest of the 5 pills out of my hands. He hugged me and my body was shivering as I said nothing, but instead only cried. Jake tried to push me off to get the doctor but I held him tighter and asked him to stay.

            “Jen, listen to me baby. I know you feel useless and you just want to leave this world. But people need you, Jen. I need you. Your mom might act like she doesn’t want you, but she does. Believe me. Now can you please promise me you will sit here while I call the doctor for you?  Living is already an act of courage for someone else, Jen! Even living your life makes you so useful!”

I sobbed and sobbed as his last sentence made me regret my actions. I gradually let go of his hands and watched him ran out to get the doctor.

The regret, the pain, the frustration made me cried, making me feel like I was losing my life that second as I ran out of breath. I was still crying up until I felt darkness crept in.