Light

Chapter 4: Moonlight

The chipped yellow cup thawed my hands, and Mum kept her arms around me. Intermittent gusts of wind tickled the thin curtains through the open window. She had patched up my bleeding knuckles and made me a cup of tea. I didn't feel like drinking it, but it was helping to warm me up. Mum's warmth bled into my side and her arms held me steadily. I stared at her thin hands and wondered why she hadn't asked me any questions. Mum hadn't spoken a word since she opened the door.

I was expecting her to demand answers and explanations, but she just seemed relieved. Even though I was glad for the lack of questions, her silence unnerved me. I reached forward, putting the cup on the coffee table and the movement broke Mum's hold. Her eyes spoke volumes in a language that I couldn't translate, and my heart seared with pain.

"I'm sorry Mum. I just, I just didn't wanna come home."

Mum looked at the floor, her face tight with suppressed emotion.

"I didn't know how to talk to you about the whole school thing. I wanted to tell you ages ago, that I don't wanna go to Uni, but I was scared. I tried to ask you about it, but you never answered." The words rushed out of my mouth as if they were caged birds being set free.

"We never talk," I added quietly.

Mum shrank at my words and closed her eyes tight, and fresh tears leaked down her face. It looked like she was trying not to scream. I got up from the sofa and threaded my fingers through my hair, as the onslaught of guilt squeezed my throat for putting Mum through such an ordeal. I turned back to see her taking a deep breath and cleaning her cheeks.

"I had no idea that you didn't want to go. Have you thought about what you want to do?" Mum sounded so scared and my brow furrowed with concern. Her anxiety was getting worse. I sighed as my resolve started to slip. I didn't want to do this to her. I didn't want to be the cause of her worry and fear. But I remembered Kai's dark eyes, and at that moment as if by magic, a cold breeze brushed my face, carrying my words back to me. 

I remembered my vow.

"I want to join a dance academy," I replied confidently.

Mum swallowed and nodded. "If that's what you want, I'll support you," she said softly. Her red-rimmed eyes remained on the floor.

"I'll finish my A-levels though, as the year's nearly over," I said lightly, hoping to reduce the stress on her face. 

Mum nodded her approval, but seemed far away as she straightened the cushions on the sofa, and smoothed down the fabric with her hand. Heaving a sigh, I went upstairs to my room. A half-hearted approval was the best I was going to get from her.

This was how conversations with Mum always went. I ended up feeling as if I'd done something wrong each time, because she'd seem so tortured. That's why I stopped asking her about Dad. She'd react as if I'd hit her with a stick. 

I passed Joshua's room, deciding to get changed into clean clothes before locking horns with him. I gasped in surprise as I saw him sitting on my bed, with a furious expression on his face. "Where were you?" he asked in his signature irritated tone.

"I'm surprised you even noticed I wasn't home." 

Rage boiled inside me as I pulled the hair-tie off my messy ponytail. Joshua quickly masked his shock at my abrupt answer, but I saw it in the mirror.

"Of course I noticed! I can't believe you were stupid enough to be out in the dark, you know it's not safe! Anything could've happened to you!"

I turned my head to glare at him. "Maybe I wanted something to happen!" I hissed back. Without waiting for a reply, I turned back to the mirror and ruffled my hair.