The Wild Side

7. One lesson, several paper grenades and more than enough pink.

“Good Morning class.”

God, even the way she spoke was pretentious. Her horrendous hair pin brooch wasn’t a crown; it was the label of her unattained femineity, one sign in many that gave her off as a serial teacher. Her prim, high and patronising voice was doing absolutely nothing to soften her or make me despise her less.  She wore pink today, what a surprise, matched off with an old lady skirt that showed of her stoutly toadesque legs. She didn’t seem to mind the ominous faces of the students sitting in front of her, all a blur of green and red ties.

I glanced over at my desk buddy. The tension rolling of Audrey was overwhelming, her presence becoming more and more conspicuous. It was a surprise that Umbridge couldn’t feel her abhorrence. Then again maybe she could, maybe she fed off it or something.  I turned my head slightly to the left to see Maxi glaring butcher’s knives at Umbridge’s face, her usually benevolent emerald eyes holding rare hostility. Next to her was Electra, who had the presence of mind to look only mildly offended at what Umbridge was saying.

It was something about half breeds, that was all I could gather. Knowing her and her prejudiced ways, the most probable explanation was that her mouth was forming words that went along the lines of ‘Do not approach any form of half breed. They are disgusting and dangerous, unlike Cornelius Fudge who, in my opinion, is a sexy beast.’

“Now, children, you must understand that Half Breeds are not always stable and in control of themselves,” Umbridge lectured, “Therefore you must not approach them.” I smirked to myself; my predictions rock. “They live in forests, children,” Umbridge continued, her voice earning her a nine on the patronising scale, “They are unhygienic and unsafe.” or disgusting and dangerous.

Oh God, teachers are so predictable.

I waited in hope for Umbridge to say something about the only half breed she likes is Cornelius Fudge, because he’s half sexy beast, but she uttered nothing of the sort. She did have a framed picture of him on her desk, so not all my hope died.

After her lecture on the unfathomable evil of half breeds finished, she assigned us the wonderful and exciting task that is book work.

Please read the previous statement with sarcasm.

 Not only did our assigned pages have several long and tedious paragraphs which were all having a competition to see who could be the dullest, but there were a seemingly infinite number of questions as well.

Needless to say, I was overjoyed.

There were a great number of students digging into their book bags to find the required equipment and the sound of books thumping on desks was magnified by the quantity. Audrey was already prepared, her text book set neatly on the desk and parchment aligned with perfect geometric acuteness. Once my obligatory essentials were on the worn out wood of the desk, I dipped the tip on my quill in ink and started reading.

I was onto the second page of the most mundane and depressing book in history when an aggressive paper ball was flung in the general direction of my head.  Surreptitiously, I looked around. Umbridge was belligerently scribbling on a crisp piece of parchment so her attention wasn’t on the currently silent students. Opening it as quietly as I could, I read the following words:

Asleep enough over there, Cain? Seriously, you might want to actually look like you’re working.

I turned to my side and saw Maxi grinning at me. Raising an eyebrow I scribbled back:

Unlike you, I was actually working. Can’t you see I am so interested in the Umbridg-a-nators disconcerting fascination with filthy, impure half breeds?