I'm Not Hungry

Fourteen

It's been four days since the accident, and I haven't seen Jax once. I've been confined to a wheelchair until further notice. I have Jolie watching the twins until I'm in a condition where I can do it myself.

I haven't been to school and I probably have a shit ton of work to catch up on. It's Friday and I'm sitting in my room.

"Hey." I jump at the sudden intrusion but relax when I see who it is.

"Hey, Caleb," I greet. It's been a while since I last saw him.

"How's life?" he asks.

"Not so good," I admit. "Pretty shitty, actually."

Caleb nods, not probing any further. "What happened to your leg?" he inquires.

"Hit by a car," I reply casually.

His look holds the same blatant honesty that the doctor's did. "You didn't-"

"Jump in front of the car on purpose? No, I didn't," I say, cutting him off.

"Sorry for asking," he mutters. Suddenly his face brightens. "Do you have food?"

I frown. "No. Sorry."

Caleb's face went back to the sad mask. All of a sudden, I hear a knock at the door.

I wheel over, expecting it to be someone I didn't want to see. It's Ian. Not where I thought this was going to go.

I open the door for my friend. "Hey," he says shaking his hair out like a dog due to the heavy rain outside.

"Hey. Come on in." I open the door wider.

He steps in and before I can get another word out, he says, "Do you promise not to hate me?"

"Yes?" I reply questioningly.

"No matter what?" he presses.

"No matter what," I repeat. "What's going on?"

"You said you promise," Ian reminded me. "No backing out. So just hear me-us-out. Until the very end."

"Who else is here?" I ask suspiciously.

Ian sighs. There's no way he can stall any more. "Come on in," he yells.

The person in question walks in and all of a sudden, I'm a cat. All shrieks and claws. Or maybe a lion, because I'm feeling particularly homicidal at the moment. This is more the direction I saw this going. I would be a lot scarier if I were standing, but thanks to the unwanted person standing in my house, I can't.

"Way to make me feel like a douche," Jax mutters. I didn't realize I said that out loud. "Obviously." What is wrong with me, speaking my thoughts? "There's a lot more wrong with you than that."

"You're not in a very good position to be talking. You hit me with a car! If anyone here, you're the one with the problems." Then I start getting carried away. "And who is Marianna? I'm going to guess that your oh-so-precious Marianna wouldn't appreciate to be hit by a car. Or is that how she died? Did you hit her with a car, too? The doctor told me that I was very lucky to be living. I don't think it's luck, but to each their own. Maybe Marianna wasn't so lucky? You killed her didn't-"

"STOP!!!" Jax screams. "I did not kill Marianna! She killed herself! I love Marianna! How did you even know about her?" he demands.

I snort in a very un-lady-like fashion. "So you don't remember your drunk trip to the hospital? You told me about your dear Marianna and all about how you wished you killed me when you hit me," I say sweetly. "So why did precious kill herself? Did her mom get her the wrong color Mercedes?"

"She didn't mean to kill herself!" Jax screeches, sounding suspiciously like a girl.

"How can you kill yourself and not mean to?" I demand.

Jax looks to Ian. "Could you give us a minute, buddy?" Ian nods solemnly and walks to the kitchen.

"How can you kill yourself and not mean to?" I ask once Ian is out of the room.

Jax takes a deep breath, preparing himself for something. "Marianna was only the second girlfriend I've ever had. In my eyes, she was the most perfect being to ever walk this Earth. If she were to wear sweatpants and a big shirt, it'd make her more beautiful than if she wore a ton of makeup. She was perfect." He starts tearing up. "I didn't find out until a year into the relationship. It made me feel like a huge bucket of shit to know that she was struggling that whole time and I had no idea." Jax takes a moment to control his breathing. "She was hospitalized for a severe case of anorexia. We tried everything we could to get her to eat, but she wouldn't physically eat anything. It's not just that she wouldn't, she couldn't. They ended up having to stick a tube up her nose while she was put under. But instead of giving Marianna the needed nutrients, it just made her feel worse. She was puking every day for hours on end because her body was rejecting the food and the nutrients she needed. She ended up dying a month after being hospitalized. She was five feet, nine inches tall and she weighed eighty-seven pounds."

"Why are you telling me this?" I blurt before I can stop myself.

"Because I don't want you to die, too," Jax admits with utmost sincerity.

I look around the room, avoiding Jax's eyes. "Look," I start. "I understand that you think you doing this for the greater good, but you're doing nothing. I don't have anorexia and I am no risk of dying. Thank you for your concern, but I think you can leave now."

"I'm not done trying," Jax announces defiantly.

"I kind of figured," I admit. "Ian! You guys are done here! You can drive Jax home now!" Once Ian gets ready to leave I say, "Give my kids a kiss for me."

"Bye, Belle," Ian says.

"Bye, Ian."

"Goodbye, Belle," Jax tries.

"Go to hell, Jax."