I'm Not Hungry

Fifteen

"You totally like him," Opal concludes. She smirks when I don't correct her. Why would I? There's no use. "And he totally likes you."

"I still can't believe that he told you about Marianna," Ivory says in disbelief.

"Do how did Marianna die anyway?" Xoella asks.

"Anorexia," I reply shortly. "Starvation, lack of nutrients kind of thing." Xoella gives me a pointed look and I pretend not to see it. She's on the same boat as Jax. Oh, she needs to be saved from herself.

Yeah, no.

"You guys should date," Opal suggests, shrugging her shoulders.

"We're not even talking about dating, Opal," I reminded her angrily. I would never date that filthy, rotten, self-righteous-

"But we could start," says Opal, pulling me out of my reverie.

I clench my jaw. "Could we not talk about this when your brother is in the room directly across from us?" I ask.

"Oh!" Xoella exclaims suddenly. "Did you hear that Makaylah is having Jason's baby?"

"And Belle could be having Jax's baby," Opal says suggestively.

I groan. "Be a fish! Just go with the flow!"

Opal scrunches her nose in distaste. "Only dead fish go with the flow." Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. Opal gets up to see who it is. "Speak of the devil," she mutters.

Then, the "devil" walks into the room. "Oh my gawd, Jax is so hot. I just want to lick his delicious body," Jax says in an extremely girly voice, then proceeds to flip his nonexistent hair over his left shoulder. I blush because that's not far from what I was actually thinking when I first saw him.

Seeing him reminds me of my leg and it suddenly starts throbbing. I clench my jaw and try to listen to the conversation. Damn it. I haven't taken the pain medication in four hours.

"Apparently she's only eight weeks along. But she thinks there are twins. She has a sonogram in a week to get pict..." Opal's voice gets continuously fainter until I can't hear it anymore.

"Belle? Wake up!" I hear. I wake with a jolt only to see someone hovering over me. I look down at myself. Where am I? Who am I?

"Who are you?" I ask the person above me.

The person frowns. Oh, he shouldn't frown. His face is too pretty for that. "It's Jax. The one that you hate."

I hate people? I must be a very bad person, then. "Do I smoke? Do I drink? Do I do drugs? Oh, god, am I a prostitute? I'm a terrible person," I conclude. The person frowns. "Your face is pretty. You shouldn't frown." He doesn't look amused so I add, "Turn that frown upside-down!"

In return I get a minuscule smile. I smile widely at him which causes my head to start pounding. I bring my hand to my head only to feel a bandage and realize that my hand is just skin and bones. Seeing the lack of meat on my bones makes my stomach growl. It feels like I haven't eaten in days.

"Can I have food?" I ask. The person above me-Jax-lights up like a kid on Christmas Day.

Jax POV

I feel like she's just given me the world even though she's just asking for food. A simple necessity that shouldn't even be thought about.

"Shouldn't we take her to the hospital?" Opal asks, ruining my happiness.

I pull her off to the side and say, "Can't you just wait a couple minutes? Long enough for her to eat a proper meal for the first time in probably years?" She sighs but gives in. I do the same thing with Ivory and get the exact same response.

We lead Belle downstairs and to the food. "Can I see a mirror?" Belle asks abruptly.

"Go into the bathroom," Opal tells her. "Second door on the left."

Belle nods absentmindedly and follows Opal's directions. About five minutes later she comes back in and looks at me.

"Can I talk to you?" she asks, almost pleading. "Please?"

"Sure." I lead her to the living room and sit on the couch. When she doesn't sit, I pat the spot next to me and she reluctantly follows. "What's up?" I ask.

"Who am I?" She blurts. "Are you my brother? Am I a good person?"

"You're Belle," I answer coolly. "And I'm not your brother. I'm just someone from school. I think you're a good person. You just don't like me."

"Why not?" Belle inquires.

"Because I try to get you to see things my way. I try to get you to see yourself how I see you," I reply.

"What didn't I see that you did?"

"How small you are," I start. "How unhealthily thin you are. You didn't see that you were hurting yourself and that the damage you were causing would take so long to heal."

"What damage was I doing? I saw," she pauses. "My arm. I know you know. You looked when you thought I wasn't looking." Belle shakes her head sadly. "But that's not it, is it?"

I think before I answer. Should I tell her? No. She's about to eat. I can't ruin this. I most likely won't get this lucky again. "No, it's not. But after you eat, I'll tell you," I say.

She nods disappointedly and goes back to the kitchen where the food is cooking. I stay in the living room, thinking.

What if she lost her memory forever? Would she eat like a normal person? Does it make me a bad person to hope that her memory stays gone?

I go back into the kitchen to see what's being made. Eggs. "How many eggs do you want, Belle?" She doesn't answer. "Belle? Belle!"

Belle just continues to stare off into space. Ivory taps her shoulder. "Aren't you going to answer her?" she asks.

Belle looks confused, then the realization hits. "Oh, I'm- I didn't realize-I -I'm sorry. I just thought- sorry. I'm sorry," she stammers, shaking her head at herself. "What did you ask?"

Opal stares at her for a few seconds, then replies, "I asked how many eggs you wanted."

"Oh. Just one please," Belle says.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let her eat before bringing her to the hospital. Ivory tells me this, away from Belle of course.

I reply with, "She's been to the hospital a lot. I guess I just thought that if we brought her there, then it would trigger her memories and she wouldn't want to eat anymore."

When we got back, Belle wasn't even finished with a quarter of the one egg that she was served.

"Just eat as much as you can," I encourage.

Her expression abruptly morphs into that of disgust. She looks at her single egg and says, "I'm not hungry!" as if she were having an internal battle within herself.

Belle bolts up from the kitchen table, walks to the door, grabs her coat and leaves. None of us showed her the way to the door. She remembered.

Ivory drove her here, so she will have to walk back to her house. I do the only thing I can think of.

I follow her back to her house. I wait a few seconds before following. I hear the bathroom door shut. Listening in, I can hear gagging. Oh, shit.

I barge in and pull her hand away from her mouth. While cleaning her up, I really look at her. Her face is deathly white and I can feel her heart hammering against her rib cage.

When I go to get her a toothbrush, she stops me by grabbing my wrist and reaches for her mouthwash. I furrow my eyebrows and in a small voice she says, "Brushing your teeth is rubbing acid into your teeth. Mouthwash."

It breaks my heart to hear her say things like this. She's done research.

Anorexic and bulimic. How could I not have noticed? I scold myself.

"Do you want anything?" I asked. "Food?" I ask these things, already knowing the answer before she even says anything.

"No," she replies. "I'm not hungry."