Mine (N.H)

21. All My Love

All My Love - Major Lazer (ft. Ariana Grande)
"Only love will make us ache, Only love is worth the chase
All my love I know we're waitin' for this
On the rocks up on the mountain tops"

ANNABELLE

I sat back on the leather couch sipping on the wine Izzy got yesterday night. The aftermath of the delicious dinner sitting in the pit of my stomach while my mind clouded with the vocals of Niall and the music that seemingly played heavenly on his guitar.

I layed my head against the couch, my eyes shut while the smooth taste of red wine slipped through my lips gliding its way through my throat giving me a feeling of content.

Bit by bit my mind clouded with worries about Niall missing.

"Ann?" I snapped out of my apparent state and my eyes meet with the blonde hair Isabelle who's lovely features I had grown familiar with every passing day. "Do you need to tell me something?"

Loosing the state I was in completely, my mind got alert. Really I couldn't think of anything else besides Niall since the day I broke things off with Michael.

Almost 2 weeks and no sign of him. I said to myself.

With that disturbed mind flustered with Niall, his memories and his thoughts, I subconsciouly drop out of my mouth. "Do you have any idea where Niall is?" My eyes met her blue eyes hoping for an answer that could answer my weeks long puzzling questions.

She looked at me. Her eyes were fixed on mine as if trying to comprehend what I just said.

"Is that why you broke up?" She crossed her arms, her face showing clear signs of chafe.

My mind rushed back into the events that quickly resulted in the relationship faliure I faced, for the first time.

Maybe I was the one who was the fail.
He loved me and as much as i tried to, I knew I didn't love him back. He treated me with so much respect and made me feel worthy. BUT...

At the back of my mind I always knew things wouldn't work out right. 

Did it make me terrible person? 

It's funny. I always want to take risks in life. Trust me the field I was confined to, completely shaped me into this person. The bigger risk i took was to leave Michael for Niall after knowing the probablty of Niall liking me back was nil. 

"Girl?" she abrptly added in. Her eyes wide, pupils were very prominent in contrast to her light blue irises. "Tell me!" she exclaimed. 

At the back of my mind, he played his strings, with a wide grin.

"I-I miss Niall" i blurted out almost immediately realizing I had to suck it all back in. 

Chase and Risk. 
Something we were molded into since early  med days. 

I chose it. It meant letting my friends go to continue those deepening relationships, without me. It did mean setting aside literature. But it did allow me a chance to find answers, a different sort of sublime, forging relationships with the suffering, and to keep following the question of what makes human life meaningful, even in the face of death and decay. Hence, built on those two words.   

But​ then I had give credits to Brandon to take me out of that suffering and dandyish 'Steward' life. 

"But girl" she walked closer to me. "Michael liked you right?"

"Neither did i deny the fact" I mumbled. "It wasn't the perfect match. Somewhere deep inside I knew the chase was Niall." 

She sat besides me. I kept fidgeting my fingers placing them between my thighs. "Risk" she exhaled. Her hands moving over, cupping mine. I looked up at her, reading what she had to tell me through her eyes. " I guess you chose the right" her lips quickly curve into a small smile.