Facade

Ch1 Flying Casket

Flying Casket

BANG. Recoil. BANG. Recoil.

I startled out of my dream to a deep man's voice saying,"Ladies and gentleman, we are now circling Los Angeles. It is a beautiful, sunny day with temperatures of sixty three degrees on the coast, sixty six around Hollywood and seventy two in the valley. We will begin our descent to the Los Angeles International Airport shortly. If you have any needs, please alert the flight attendants." Right, that was the captain of this giant, flying hunk of metal. As if the take off hadn't been bad enough, now they expected to land this thing. Good god.

"Ma'am, did you have a restful sleep?" A young woman in flight attendant attire approached me. I sat up from my slumped position on the plush couch and cracked my neck.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry I didn't wake you before. I hope you aren't too stiff." We had taken off around four in the morning, it's no wonder I fell asleep.

"I'm fine, thank you. It's my own fault for thinking I could stay awake," I smiled reassuringly at her. The couch was actually fairly comfortable, besides, after my initial joint realignment I was feeling good and rested.

"Can I get you anything before we land?"

"A serving of the fruit salad and some ice water, please." She nodded and moved off to wake other passengers and retrieve my breakfast. I uncurled my legs from under me and stretched again. The five and a half hour nap had really done wonders for my previously foggy head. I glanced around the first class cabin and saw other passengers becoming more lively in their own cubicles. Each of us had our own area that included either a couch or chair that reclined into a bed of sorts as well as a small table. Everything was very nice, I didn't even want to know what the Capo had spent to send me on this private flight.

"We'll begin landing very shortly," the previous flight attendant said as she placed my food down onto the table. I looked forlornly at the fruit salad. Don't get me wrong, it was delicious, I just tend to like more for breakfast. However, I knew my stomach and it was already approaching full revolt just at the thought of descent let alone descent while eating.

I felt the angle of the plane change as the metal casket began charging towards the ground. Breathe in for one, two, three, four, five, six. Hold for one, two, three. Breathe out for one, two, three, four, five, six. Repeat. REPEAT. Please keeping breathing. Unclench hands from couch cushions. Try to find the courage to laugh over the fact that you thought you could eat during this. I hope they never want me back in New York City because they are never getting me back onto this flying reaper.

My heart already felt like a hand was squeezing it, probably the same hand currently batting this tin can out of the sky, but I felt another sort of pang. Faces flitted before my minds eye of those that I had left behind, for them maybe one day I would again board this airbus from Hell.

As if the air gods could sense my nerves were falling apart, they mercifully allowed the plane to make a seamless landing. I only felt the slightest impact, considering we had just landed in a flying junkyard worth of metal. I can honestly say I have never been so relieved to be firmly on the ground. I think I might even lay off Ferris wheels for the time being. Not that LA has any, I guess I'm still thinking Coney Island.

"Before we disembark, you might want to consider changing into something lighter," the attendant said. I looked at her dazed for a moment. Yeah, I might want to put on an extra pair of socks before lacing my snow boots back up and then wrap myself in another three jackets or so. Oh wait... Duh...

"Use me as you will for our family. Please, I only ask that my mother is looked after and that I'm sent somewhere warm."

Right, I specifically requested above freezing temperatures. No more double socks, winter boots, and layered jackets. I could finally stop looking like a meatball with legs! Don't get my wrong, NYC is my home and I love it, but in February it turns into the ninth circle of Dante's Inferno. The flight attendant was still looking at me with this knowing smile as she saw me go from completely confused to having my 'ah ha' moment.

"It's about sixty five where we'll be landing," what a helpful young lady. I rummaged around in my carry on to find a light gauzy shirt and some running shoes. Off to the bathroom to remove my Under Armour! I can already feel the smug SnapChats of me in shorts enjoying the beautiful weather being sent to Valentina while she's stuck shivering in the frozen wasteland we call home.

"You look so nice in that!"

"Grazie," someone's getting a nice review for being so helpful and kind to a stranger in a strange place.

"When we land someone will take you immediately to your pets and then they will guide you to your chauffeur." I nodded my understanding. I honestly couldn't wait to see my dogs. I knew they passed the flight almost as comfortable as I did but it still made me anxious to go see them. I wonder who the Boss set up for me?

"Boss, where do you want her to stay?"

"Who do we have in LA?"

"Besides the Royals? We have that complex in Downtown, you know, the one where Nonna is," he smirked.

"Ha! That's good, arrange it with her. Roxanne likes her penthouses and condos, she'll like it there. Nonna will keep her in line too!" They both shared a good laugh over an image of the young spitfire and the elderly grandma.

"Hello my loves! I'm so happy to see you! How've you been?" I knelt down and opened my arms wide to receive my three overexcited mutts. Leo sat himself right in my lap while Flora put her paws over my shoulders and licked my face and Chase sprawled on the floor next to me for a belly rub.

"These are some great dogs you have here miss," the attendant holding their leashes said. I nodded in agreement as I continued to share love between them. Leo was an American Pitt Bull Terrier mix with something that had long legs. He had a black cap that went over one eye while his muzzle and other eye patch were white. The black ran down the top of his neck and all over his back, sides, tail and the upper portions of his legs. His belly was white with a zig zagging black rim. His paws and tail tip were also white. Flora was another Pitt mix but she had very light sandy tan patches mixes with white and my goodness was she just the cutest little girl ever. Chase was a huge off the track Greyhound who was a majestic mocha brindle with white chest, white paws and a white snip on his forehead.

Once I felt that they had been petted enough, as if that's possible, I got up and took their leashes from the attendant. I proceeded to follow him to a more remote side door where cabs, limos, and private cars were parked waiting for their first class and VIP travelers. As I stepped out of the door I had to stop with an overwhelming sense of climate shock. NYC literally had feet of snow and subfreezing temperatures. LA was breezy and sunny with a perfect temperature. I felt the nice warm air tease my hair, it's nice to breath outside without worrying about inhaling little ice demons.

"Ma'am, your car is this way. The person here for you is someone named Nonna." Oh my god he didn't.

Picture Credit http://www.huffingtonpost.com/diane-gottsman/airplane-etiquette-10-tip_b_3268899.html