Whats up guys, its Weeaboo Jones typing up this shit this time. Right now, I bet you're wondering who the fuck I am. Well, all I really remember about myself is being with a fat ass whose only skill was CoC and popcorn making, an edgy teenager who had lost so much blood from cutting himself he could barely walk, and a suicidal nigger who killed himself in a car crash for some random reason due to the last author. I'm pretty sure they all died except for someone named Elana but who knows. Back to the story then from when I arrived at Hell.
It was no surprise when I showed up at Hell's door and entered there were no good humans left and majority of us had stooped to eating the skinny Africans as our meals. When I got through the door I instantly saw Nigherchu hanging from one of the nooses they had down there, I'm pretty sure it made him feel safe even if he couldn't die. I sat underneath him and we talked for a while about how we became faggots. I had to bring up the time I dated an Thot before I blew up. A few hours later the edgy teen came walking through the door yelling and cursing about how something no-scoped his ass while he was trying to get close enough to fuck Elana. He began to curse wildly and cut Niggerchu down from his noose. "But I have no will to live!" was Niggerchu's pleas before Edgelord punched him in the gut. We forced him to join us as we walked though Hell once more trying to to attract attention but since we had a bleeding faggot and a nigger it was hard to blend in. Eventually after suffering through intense heat we found a slightly cooler cave where some ominous chant rang throughout its insides. As we got closer we could see writing on the walls that said shit like "Twilight is bae" or "Thot begon" with a few scattered swastikas. There was a crouched figure in the middle of a pentagram and it seemed to be a human. Edgelord chucked a rock at the thing and it whipped around and threw it back nailing him in the stomach. As Edgelord doubled over in pain from the shock I approached the strange kid. We left Edgelord on the ground as I questioned the kid in the cave. His name was Jewjitsu and he was the offspring of the true founder of Thot Patrol, Hitler. He had traveled through dimensions using magic and accidentally arrived in Equestria where he was kept captive and tortured for many months on end until one sole pony, Twilight, nurtured him. He throughly described how he raped her anally with Celestia. Immediately Edgelord jumped up and punched him in the face and started kicking a rock, "Celestia fucking murdered our world and did god knows what to my slave Elana! God, I made her so moist!"
Jewjitsu had no clue what the fuck was going on so we explained, "Celestia took after your father's great leadership and tried and probably succeeded in eliminating all thots in human genocide, minorities like the niggers didn't count though, thats why this nigger next to me killed himself."
We were all beat by the time the explanation finished. Hell fucking sucks there's not much shit that you can do down here surprisingly. Suddenly Jewjitsu stood up, "Lets form a fucking Thot Patrol down here and purge minority souls, the troupes oldest motto is "Begon Thot!"" and with that he Sieg Heiled.
A few minutes later we sprinted out the cave yelling "Begon Thot' and kicking over rocks and humanly souls. Unfortunately, Hell is run by Lucifer, you can tell where this is going when he shows up after the fifth gang fight Thot Patrol starts causing damage to Hell's interior to the point where he hangs the squad for three days and then decides it'd be best to just get rid of Thot Patrol all together and send them to another planet so that he doesn't have to deal with us. Before we knew it, we were floating in fucking space. For a few minutes we wondered why we were still alive, only to learn Jewjitsu still had some mastery over his dark magic. In this time period it was a struggle to find Niggerchu as being a Nigger helped him hide from our constant bullying towards him and we could see Edgelord's blood floating in a trail behind us. JUST REALIZED THERE IS NO FUCKING ANIME IN SPACE KMS.
After about a day of starving and attempted suicides a huge spaceship came upon us and we didn't know there was any other life besides us and the ponies. Its hatch opened and caught us and we were dragged into the main part of the ship by unknown figures but before we could see who I'm pretty sure we all lost consciousness. When we awoke Edgelord had already jumped out of his bed and was greeting someone trying to talk with his shredded vocal cords from the constant death metal singing. Her name was Elana and Jewjitsu was "missing" and Elana mentioned that there was a pony named Twilight with her but she also didn't know where she was. We sat there a recalled how Jewjitsu knew her from his past and thats when the realization sunk in. The ships captain was named the Pun Master who was apparently a math freak. He was at the back of the ship battling Niggerchu who wanted to jump out of the back of the craft to commit suicide once again. According to Elana she recognized Edgelord's frail form in the vastness of space but didn't know who he was with. She had held a knife to our throats while we were out cold until Edgelord had explained to her that we helped him escape from Hell and that slitting our throats was not the answer. Chad walked into the room with the depressed nigger and four math text books. "If you want to stay, you must complete this textbook correctly and compliment my TOTALLY AMAZING and NOT HORRIBLE puns." was the order before he walked out.
"Have any of you heard of the mystical beast called Landiti? It's some person with the ability to give L's to anyone who touches her and the only way to defend yourself is with a W" Elana mentioned.
"Yo we'd better get a larger patrol on that shit" Jewjitsu walked back into the room and sat down, "Twilights ass is healing".
Niggerchu had begun to sing some Pink Season and over the ships com the Pun Master yelled, "I am tuberculoses!"
Yeah we need some more niggers on this ship, Weeaboo Jones out nigga
