Across The Border

The Funeral

The rest of the week passed with flying colours, I felt as if it weren't actually me, the smiles and laughs. Like I'd been there forever, it wasn't what I was feeling inside.

I missed everything, and every day, every minute I was constantly reminded of my past life, of people.

I saw my friends, I saw them everywhere, standing in line at the cafeteria, sitting at tables and walking in the halls.

Each time I thought I saw them hope filled me, only to be crushed by different eyes, hair or different features.

When the weekend came all I wanted to do was sleep, but I had completely forgotten about one big event.

My Grandmother’s funeral. I mean, I hardly knew her, my mother never spoke of her and quite frankly I didn't even know what she looked like.

Since my father left, after a few years I lost any hope of seeing him again. It seemed almost dream like to be going to my only grandmother's funeral and not knowing her.

I had a few tender memories from when I was younger, much younger, my mother didn't tell me anything about her, and I sensed a great dislike in her.

It was as if my grandmother had caused my father to run away.

I remembered the Lemon Tea Tree, scent that always tickled my nose whenever I saw her; I remembered the crow’s feet that appeared whenever she looked at me.

I also remember one time, my grandmother was telling me something, looking in my eyes when my mother ran in, horror covered her face, she grabbed me.

I remembered crying as she took me away, with a horrified expression. I remembered my mother driving and driving to the air port.

It was the last time I saw my father and my grandmother.

Vague memories of my father filled my mind, his eyes always smiled. I remembered the way he said I love you, to my mother and wondered why he would ever run away, why he would ever leave us.

"You look gorgeous, possum!" I heard my mother greet me as I walked down the stairs.

"Thanks Mum." I replied running my hands through my straightened hair, and looking over my black dress that went just below my knees. It was silk, and I loved the feel of it against my skin.

"Let's go." My mother suggested gesturing for the door. Hurrying to the car, I wondered what the funeral would be like and if I had to say anything.

We pulled up out the front of a massive building, it looked perhaps like the town hall, I thought it could seat well over 500 people.

I got out of the car and stepped back to take in the mansion before me, it was obviously designed and built for a very special function.

Seeing the cross on the top of the peak, I saw that this was no town hall, this was in fact a church.

Me and Mum weren’t the first people to arrive, and as we opened the door and stoke in, I realised we were the last. We had left just in time and the clock on the wall showed it was 10 minutes before the funeral started, so why was everyone here so early?

A song I didn't recognise started and was followed by several more, the sadness that filled the church was enough to make a grown man cry.

It was a lot of people, every seat was filled in every row and I wondered who my grandmother had to be to have earned this many funeral-comers, all with a sadness, and most with tears in their eyes.

Walking to the front row was quite a walk, because the aisle was so long, I felt everyone’s eyes on me and even thought some of their gazes to be hateful?

Maybe it was because they thought my mother had abandoned my grandmother. I didn't know.

And I started to cry, even me; a complete stranger to this person was moved by this atmosphere.

When the songs stopped a few speeches were made, one of them caught my attention, a tall man, with extremely broad shoulders walked onto the stage.

" Leeana Douglas was a remarkable woman, in all my years in the position I have never seen such a great leader, she handled things very well, when Edger passed away, everything fell into her hands, and she made him proud." A tear then streaked down his face and his voice cracked, "She made us all proud."

I wondered briefly why the inheritance went to us when all these people obviously adored her? We weren’t even legally related to her, I was but she hardly knew us and my mother obviously disliked her.

More speeches were made and I was called to make one. I knew I would, I just didn't know what to say. I figured it would come to me today.

Stepping up to the stage I felt extremely self conscious, it was as if I were being tested, to see if I would make a mistake that would dub me a title I would have all my life.

My eyes searching the crowd I found some of my school mates, Kalbe, Kaleb and their gang. I also saw Quin and a few other girls I didn't know the names of.

In fact the more I looked the more obvious it became; it seemed my whole school was here.

Taking a deep breath I began, " I don't remember much about this fantastic, inspirational woman everyone has been telling me about today, I have glimpses of memories about her telling

of the animals and plants, she was always smiling, I remember." Looking up I could see everyone entranced by my speech, it seemed they wanted me to continue, " I feel as if coming here, I am connecting with a part of me that I've never seen before , and even though now, she's gone, I feel as though I'm closer to her than I ever have been. I think living n my grandmother's house, I am opening my eyes to a new life."

There was no applause and I felt as though I had failed but when I looked up, I saw astonished faces and walked down feeling ashamed for revealing so much of myself to this bunch of stranger.

"You did great!" My mother squeezed my shoulder, I felt a tiny bit reassured but she was my mother, what else was she supposed to say?

The rest of the ceremony passed with a blur, all words escaping my memory the second they were uttered.

When the ceremony was over I was exhausted. Walking out I headed straight for the car. Unfortunately my way was blocked by Kaleb.

He grabbed me in a hug and the spectators stared, shocked.

As he pulled away, he winched " Thought you looked like you needed a hug." He winked and strode off, ever so confident.

people came to talk to me, most congratulating me but none ever touching me with soothing squeezes like my friends at home would, they seemed distant like it repelled them to touch me.

It was the same at school, I always had a wide berth in the halls. Never brushing arms with anybody.

It seemed like everyone had to introduce me to their family, I met children and teenagers alike and even made some new friends.

Everyone liked my speech and when we left the rest of the crowds started to sprinkle away.

When I got home, I ran to my bed. I didn't wake for a long time.