Destined

X

This is not a hoax. This is an actual update. Apologies for not updating sooner. This chapter is a bit long and it will get a little uncomfortable towards the middle. It starts off from where we left these two.

Enjoy.

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10:27pm

When Noah was born she didn't want to hold him; she was frightened because he was so tiny and fragile and squirmy and she thought she'd just be a lousy mother.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, after all.

She didn't have a clue on how to be a mother, even though she had gone down to the library everyday of her last trimester and read almost every book on parenting and motherhood she could find.

It still wasn't enough. She didn't trust herself.

"No," she shook her head, looking at her boy then to the nurse looming above her, "I can't. I don't know how." she pleaded, voice rough from the excursion and shame.

Not that she didn't know how to hold a baby - well, it theory, she did know, she had read how to, after all. But to actually actually hold a newborn in her arms, she wasn't so sure, at that time.

She hadn't ever held one until her own.

"Child, you better hold him. Hold him and never let go."

And when she took him in her arms, held her bloodied child close to her chest for the very first time, shaking and crying, for a little while there, she felt whole again, complete. Family. It was still frightening but she did it. Family. He is her family and it was all she ever wanted in life.

"Noah."

She vowed to never let him go.

When she woke up from the dreamless nap and the little pinkish bundle was, once again, placed in her arms, Erin realised she was still frightened.

But there had been no time to be scared as there was room for little more than fascination and a convoluted, gigantic affection that she couldn't handle yet. She recalled spewing greetings and promises with a raspy voice, unaware of her own words, the raw scent coming from both of them, and little else.

Now that they had both rested a little and started to understand their new places in this world, Erin could allow herself to be taken aback by the small, toothless human tucked in her arms. No matter how many times she had seen babies; this felt completely unprecedented. Now, she realised, her job had just started.

She shifted in bed, carefully unwrapping Noah just enough to examine his body. She could see a small bump in his chest, thumping quickly, and a shiver went down her spine, realising his little heart was just a few thin layers of skin and muscle away. His wrinkled face contorted slightly, making a small squeal when he yawned. Erin trembled more.

It was the most beautiful sound she'd ever heard, and the strangest. She wondered if laughing at the poor little creature would be acceptable for a new mom. But then again, there was no one to judge her here, so she chuckled delightfully.

Her baby was the cutest wrinkled thing in the world and made the funniest sounds, and was delicate as a looking glass. She caressed his nearly inexistent fair hair with the tip of her fingers and wondered if it'd get darker with time. She stared deep in his blue-green eyes and wondered if it'd stay like that forever.

Probably not, but still it was a spark of herself in another person, in the most intimate way. It was from inside out, flesh she built and nurtured in her own entrails, and that now was someone who was breathing and producing lovely sounds. She believed he had all fingers and toes (she didn't check) and that his insides were okay (she didn't ask) and that he was overall healthy, that there was nothing to be aware about (she couldn't know).