title: I know// Jackson Avery
tw: Some swearing, spoliers, angst, fluff, depression;Self harm
p.s: April just doesn't live in Mer's house
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I sighed, 'Another day another dollar, I guess.' I shook my head, tugging on my scrubs just in time for my best friend, Jackson, to walk in. He looked at me, his light green eyes dull. I gave a faulty smile. "I'm tired and my life sucks." His voice was dark and rough sounding. My weak smile fell. Lexie walked in and smiled at him before pressing her lips to his. The kiss was quick and soft. My heart basically shattered. My lips formed a frown. Lexie pulled away leaving the once pissed Jackson with a smile. I didn't notice the silent, warm tears that had left small drips on my light blue scrubs. I had only noticed when a small but noticeable whimper fell from my lips. The noise had shocked everyone in the room and even myself. A hand flew to my mouth. Jackson reached out for me but I just turned to the door and quickly shoved out a 'I gotta go.' before dashing out of the room.
I reached the room that belonged to a 6 year old girl named, Kaylee. "Dr. Robbins, Why is she crying?" the raspy voice spoke softly, obviously belonging to Kaylee. Arizona's eyes flashed to me and then to the feeble, Blonde girl with a fairy painted on her face. "I don't know, Kaylee. Why don't you ask her?" Kaylee smiled and then frowned when she saw me. "Miss! Why are you crying? I hope you're okay." I smiled, sadly. "Well, Kaylee," I sat down in the dark gray chair beside her bed. "I can tell you that I am not okay and I can tell you to stay away from boys because they are yucky, but don't you worry because I'll be spending the day with Dr. Robbins and you know how she's the person who makes lots of kids just like you feel better." Kaylee giggled and looked at Arizona. "Yeah! She made feel all better!!" Arizona laughed before eyeing me and then to the hallway. I frowned, once more, before walking out of the room, Arizona at my heels.
"Why did you think it would be--" She sighed and then shook her head, "What's wrong, l/n?" I blinked causing a few more stray tears to fall onto my clothes. "I just--" I didn't plan on telling her. 'Make up an excuse.' My brain screamed. Jackson walked down the hallway, straight towards us. "Is it something that's going to stop you from working with Avery?" I chewed my lip and nodded. "I'll get over it. I really wanna be on your service today, Dr. Robbins." I looked at her eyes. "Okay, but for the sake of all of these children, Please keep things professional." I nodded quickly and watched her walk back into Kaylee's room. "Hey." The voice made my heart jump and my stomach fill with butterflies. I turned to face the stubborn male whom I confide in often.
"What was up with you earlier?" His voice dripped with concern. "It's fine. Actually, It's not fine but I'm not--It's not something I want to even think about talking to you about. At least not today, okay?" I whipped around not caring that I had left my one and only friend standing in the dark without any idea on what was going on with me.
I tried my best to avoid Jackson all day. I finally got through the day and just got finished tugging on my jacket when, just my luck, Jackson walked in. He took this chance to bombard me with questions. "Did I do something to make you pissed at me? Because if I did please tell me because I'm not in the mood to have an unspoken argument with you when I don't even know what I did." I sighed. "No, I'm not pissed at you. No, I'm not going to have an argument with you because I'm not mad. Actually, I am mad, I'm furious, I'm irate because I managed to dig myself into a hole that I didn't realize I was ever in until this morning so mind your on fucking business for once." I shook my head and left the hospital.
I opened the door to Meredith's house, aka the house I lived in for time being. I heard Meredith giggling and peaked into the kitchen to see Lexie, Cristina, and Meredith, herself, gathered around the table drinking. I ran up to my room and Started sobbing. I threw my leather jacket onto the ground and ran my hand through my hair. "Oh my god. Oh my god." I paced in the room for a good ten minutes. I pushed back my half-sleeves on the black shirt I was wearing a quickly caught a glimpse of my scars. Rows and rows of thin, pale scars. "Don't. Please." My sobbing grew harder and most likely louder. I sat on my bed and rocked back and forth. I heard running up the stairs so i practically suffocated myself in a sad attempt to muffle my sobs. "Y/N? It's Jackson. You okay?" Of course, this is Jackson. I literally punched the guy once and he forgave me. I inhaled sharply and mustered up the best, "Yeah, just please leave me alone" but it failed and I whimpered instead. I heard a sad sigh and the door swung open.
"Jackson, I don't wanna talk about it. I'm being over-dramatic and stupid and please, I don't wanna see you." I spoke in a soft, muffled voice. "I know." The bed beside my broken-hearted frame dipped down. "I know that I'm--" He swallowed. "I'm the reason you are 'over-dramatic and stupid.' and please, I wanna see you." My heart froze. My body froze. Every part of me was frozen. "You knew?" I whispered. "I've known for awhile, It was obvious." I pushed my body up and faced him. "You knew? You knew for awhile and STILL CHOSE TO DATE LEXIE?" I stood up. He reciprocated. "I can't believe you. You put me through hell. I had to listen to you talk about everything you've done with every girl and while you made me listen you fucking knew I was in love with you? I can't fucking believe you!" I yelled. I watched his eyes shift from despair to anger then to shock. "I--You--" He sighed "You're in love with me?" He repeated. I scoffed, "Duh, You just told me you knew." He shook his head, "I knew I made you cry." I exhaled and held my breath. I turned on my heels and walked down the stairs as calmly as I could. "You didn't stop me. Now, I feel stupid." I said to him as I reached the bottom feeling the eyes from the kitchen fall on us. "You guys yell loud." Meredith said, tequila in hand.
Jackson tried to get me to talk but I refused. "Jackson, I can't right now okay? I just fucking made the biggest mistake ever and I can't deal with--" "I'm not asking you to have an argument." He neared me. "Well, What do you--" He backed me up against the wall. "What do you--uh" He was so close to me I could smell his cologne. "Jackson, seriously." I said, my voice unstable. He had a smile on his face. His pale green eyes sparkling with deviance. "Oh, I'm serious." His voice was modulated. He placed his hands on my waist and placed his slightly chapped lips on mine. It was only for a brief moment but it left a tingly sensation on my lips. I could practically hear his heart beating. Jackson isn't the confident type. "You make me nervous." My voice wavering, Ecstatic from the tension between us. He smirked at me before placing another lingering kiss onto my lips. His hands still placed upon my hips. His pale eyes were closed as he pulled away in an obvious state of tranquility. He breathed out, as did I. My eyes opened revealing the tan male with eyes like a watercolor painting, smiling. I leaned my head against the all too familiar walls.
"What do you even like about him?" Piped up April as the conversation between us had shifted from the 16 hours surgery someone had messed up last second to Jackson. I hummed a bit before saying, "I don't know maybe it's his voice that has traces of deviance but is modulated. Maybe it's the fact that his eyes remind me of a water-color painting. Maybe it's the fact that he tries hard," I sipped my drink and returned "maybe it's because he knows virtually everything about me." April smiled. A new voice joined to chat, "Didn't think someone knew you better then I did." I leaned my head off the back of the chair to see Jackson standing above me. He leaned down a pressed a quick kiss to my forehead.
"I love you." I said. "I know." He responded.
