Fix You || hood {slow updates}

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"CALUM!" I scream as I jump out of my bed. Calum, my currently only friend, runs into my bedroom. Deep, big, dark bags hang under his eyes.

"Shhh." He whispers as he walks towards me, eyes half open, "Do not think about it. It is okay, Ash." I shake my head as we sit down on my bed together.

"No...No it is not okay, Calum! I can't get it out of my head! The scene the adventure, the short chapter of her life that she lived wasted...because...because of me." I whale. God. I cannot take this. The reason she died was because of me.

"You really think that Jenna getting hit by a train is your fault?! Ashley, it is not your fault she dropped her phone on the tracks. She decided to kill herself instead of the train sucking in her phone. Ashley," Calum grabs a hold of my shoulders, "Please...Please do not blame yourself for her death." He shakes his head, tears no pouring down his face.

"Calum. I was standing there with her. I could have said stop, but I stood there in shock, not able the function or process a single thing! Calum, don't you see?! I AM A MONSTER!" I can't hold back the tears that topple onto the others on my cheeks.

Calum stares at me, a bit startled, his eyes wide with shock. I move my head down slightly, my eyes looking up at his, "Look, Cal," I sigh and shift my body to face him and to cross my legs, "You know I did not mean to snap at you...I'm just...just."

"Torn." He finishes my apology for me. I lift a small smile and nod, looking down at my sheets.

I nod, sniffling a bit, "Y-Ya...that's it. Torn." Calum hugs me tightly and lays down a friendly, light kiss on my forehead.

"Sleep well tonight, Ash." I smile and grab onto my pillow.

"You too, Cal." He nods and sleepily stumbles out of my room.

x x x x

x x x x

"Ashley, want to go over to Mickey's today?" Calum asks me as he sits down at the table, waiting for me to finish the bacon and eggs.

"Erm," I start, "Ya, sure. It would be nice to see Michael." I nod my head and dig into a cabinet for a glass plate.

"Great. Ashton is going to pick us up. You don't seem well to drive today, after your scene from last night." I fiddles with his fingers at the thought of my nightmare torturing me night after night.

"Fine. Ashton is cool. Not really the chill type of guy-"

"None of them are." Calum looks up from his hands and laughs, "I thought you would know that by now."

"Cal," I place some scrambled eggs and three pieces of bacon on a plate, "Come get your food." Calum gets up, walking over, and grabbing his plate, "Like I was saying, Cal, I haven't seen the boys in three years and neither have you." I look into his brown eyes. He takes a bite out of a piece of bacon the nods in agreement.

"You are right, but I talked to them almost every day." He is right. I could not bare to see the boys after Jenna died three years ago.

"You're right. But anyway," I grab another plate and put my portion of the food on the plate,

"I would love to see the three of them. They are nice lads and they were there for me."

"Exactly." Cal says taking one out of the two seats at the small table. I take the seat across from his and start eating.

"So," I say between bites, "When will Ashton be over?"

"Hmm. Tree." Calum says as he chews.

"That long! It is nine in the morning. I cannot wait that long, Cal." Calum swallows and laughs.

"He can always come by earlier. I will call him up." I nod. He gets up from the table, still leaving a partially full plate.

"Hey! I made this food that God gave us! Do not just leave it sitting! There are starving little children that would love that food that is just wasting away." I turn in my seat, teasing him. Calum chuckles and walks back.

"Maybe I'll call him after breakfast."

"Thank you." I smile and take another bite.

x x x x

x x x x

There is a honk from the driveway. Calum and I look at each other from across the room, both of our eyes lighting up. "ASHTON!" We yell in excitement.

"Hurry grab your bags!" Calum says, excitedly.

"And grab the movies!" I yell back, just as excited. I rush upstairs to my room to get my bags to bring to Michael's place. I scurry to my room, but not paying attention, I suddenly bump into the wall. My forehead collides with the corner of the wall, hard. The impact forces me to fall onto the carpet covered hallway.

"Ashley? Are you okay up there?" I hear Calum yell. My ears start to hear a ringing sound and my vision starts to blur. I shake it off, standing up, and slowly making my way into the bedroom where I grab my bags.

"Fuck..." I whisper as my head starts pounding. I scurry back downstairs to see Calum gasp as he lays his eyes on me.

"Y-Your head...It's hella bruised." I slightly laugh through the pain and nod.

"I know. I was in such a rush to go and meet the boys, that I ran into the wall. I will get some ice at Mickey's." Calum sighs, now that my vision and hearing is coming back, I am able to make it to the car by myself.

"Hey, Ashton!" I say as I get into his car. He throws something at me into the back seat.

"Here," He says coolly, "It is a mix tape."

"Uh thanks, Ashton." I thank him looking at it, front to back.

"Read the cover art, Ash." He instructs me. I do as told and read it aloud.

"How does it feel to be what you've become what you said you would never be..."