My Son Johnny
Let me tell you about my son Johnny. When I was a young man I lived in China for a few years. The rules there were very strict. The police were cracking down on families with more than one child. I had visa problems and the police told me if I set a good example and got a vasectomy, they would extend my visa. So I agreed and they gave me the extension.
I made an appointment to see the doctor and when the day came I set off for the hospital. But on the spur of the moment I chickened out and decided to see a movie instead. When I got home, I told my wife that I had been to the doctor. It was a white lie. I didn’t think she would find out the truth. But she did because nine months later Johnny was born. I guess I should have thought twice before seeing that movie because I didn’t want a son.
Johnny was a strange boy. He would disappear for days and then suddenly turn up. He never told us where he went. He was different from other children. He always seemed to know something would happen before it actually happened. He seemed to understand everything. When I told him it was hard to make a living but that it was too difficult to explain to him, he looked at me with his big brown eyes and said, “I know father. I know.” When I told him that my boss was full of shit, he said, “I know. I know.”
My wife Meiling didn’t like Johnny. She wanted a son that she could count on in the future to take care of her. She didn’t want a son that could read her mind all the time. When I told Johnny that his mother didn’t like him, he said, “I know. I know.”
I know you might think it sounds fishy, but Johnny became famous when he was just six years old. People from all over the world came to see him and to hear his point of view. They would pay their money at the door and wait in the living room. I used to listen to some of their problems and to my son’s advice. Sometimes it was very interesting. Other times it would put me to sleep. He was a wise little boy. When other parents were telling their children to act their age, I was discussing philosophy with my son. He was very mature and he always knew everything. Other children were spoiled. They always wanted to get their way. But Johnny was not like that. He would say things like, “In the long run, people will always help each other. They will realize that everyone is in the same boat. Gene Roddenberry was right.” When I asked him how he could predict the future, he would say, “I just know. I know.”
One day Johnny and I decided to go to a restaurant together. Johnny had so much money from giving people advice, that he always insisted on going Dutch. We went in and the waiter took us to a corner table and gave us menus. Johnny seemed kind of spaced out. He wasn’t looking at the menu. Before I could ask him what was wrong, Johnny put down his menu and looked at me. His eyes were the sad eyes of an old man.
“Father, they will take me,” he said. “It’s my fate.”
“What are you talking about,” I asked. “Who will take you?”
“Oh nevermind,” he said. “I was just thinking out loud. Don’t worry father it’s not important and there’s nothing either of us can do.”
Johnny seemed depressed. He was definitely not himself. Why wouldn’t he tell me what was wrong? Johnny always knew. But what did he know? While I was trying to figure out what was wrong I heard someone yelling. Two dishwashers in the kitchen were fighting. Then they came out into the restaurant crashing into tables and breaking everything. Other people joined in. Soon it was a free-for-all. Someone broke a bottle over my head. I was so angry that I started to fight too. The fight lasted twenty minutes.
The restarurant was a mess. Then the police and ambulances came. I hid in the bathroom until they were gone.When I came out I saw the manager behind the bar crying. I felt sorry for him and it was partly my fault.
“Can I help you clean up?” I asked.
“Don’t make a fuss,” he said. “The waiters will help me clean up, and my insurance will pay for everything. I’m not crying because my restaurant is trashed. I’m crying because a strange boy just told me that I’m going to die tomorrow. There was something about the way he said it. I can’t explain it but I know he’s right. I’m not afraid to die but I’m worried about my family. I guess they will just have to make the best of it after I’m gone.”
I felt sorry for the manager because Johnny was always right. Then I suddenly realized Johnny wasn’t there. Johnny? Where was Johnny? I ran out the door and called his name. Then I heard a small boy screaming. It was Johnny! Two men were carrying him and running away. They were kidnapping him! I ran after the kidnappers. I had to save my son! I called out his name again and again. I was running as fast as I could. I knew that if I kept at it, I would catch up to the kidnappers and save my son.
Suddenly I ran past a beautiful woman. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. My son was being kidnapped! But here was an incredibly sexy woman. She had even smiled at me as I ran past her. I stopped, turned around and ran back to the woman. She smiled at me and said, “Hi, I’m Miela.” I smiled too and said, “Hi, my name’s Eric.” She was an M woman! It was love at first sight.
I never found out what happened to Johnny. My wife didn’t care. She just said easy come easy go. But to me Johnny was a great son. But how many men have a chance to have a wife and a beautiful mistress on the side? Miela wasn’t like my wife at all. She never put her foot in her mouth. She wasn’t a cheapskate and she would always hear me out when I had something to say. She was an expert on taxes too and she even helped me get around some of the new tax laws when I did my taxes. When I came home after work, my wife would complain. When I went to Miela’s apartment and asked, “What’s up?” Miela would say, “Nothing much, except that I love you darling and I hope you have something that’s up for me.” For the time being, until Miela ran away with another E man, I was very happy. But nothing lasts forever I guess.
I still think about Johnny a lot and what happened that day at the restaurant. Johnny seemed to know what would happen. He always knew. Sometimes I think I see him on the street and I do a double take but it’s never him. I wonder if he is still alive? If so, I hope he’s forgiven me.
