What A Kiss Is

Chapter Eight

Eight

I push my legs up the hill to the coffee shop, not an easy feat before my first shot of caffeine for the day. I glance up just before grabbing the handle to see Amber standing next to Kent. He’s smiling and looking down. She’s smiling down and looking up and then he leans down and kisses her cheek.

My brain starts to swirl around in the same ridiculous emotional mess that my chest and gut are in. I want to puke. Really, I should have known that was coming, and it shouldn’t hurt like it does.

“What can I get you?” The guy behind the counter asks.

“Chai Tea Latte and a Cappuccino.” It rolls right off my tongue.

“Yeah, no problem.” He picks up two cups. “Chai Tea…”

Chai Tea…Mom’s drink. My heart hammers, making me dizzy. “Just the Cappuccino.”

I ordered for Mom.

It hits me hard. What a stupid thing to make me feel like this—like I’m drowning waiting for a coffee.

“Have a seat. I’ll bring it out in a sec.”

I stand by the window, afraid to sit, but not wanting to leave without my drink. My sanity is shaken. As soon as the cup hits my hand I’m out the door. No tip, no look, no thanks. Just out.

As I breathe in, the air burns. Did I forget to breathe before? It’s like my chest is too small, too tight. It’s the little things that are going to get me in the end. The re-play of her coffin being lowered now finds a place in my head. My body starts shaking with anger. Like if there was something to hit or kick or anything…

I walk fast, forcing one leg out in front of the other, determined to keep moving until the out-of-control pictures running through my head go away.

“Antony! Wait!” Amber calls.

I don’t know if this is good or bad, but it’s definitely distracting. My feet stop moving. Guess I’m waiting for her. Maybe I’m looking for a different kind of torture—one where her kissing another guy hurts me in a way it shouldn’t. But it’s still not enough to distract me from the real pain. One damn order of Mom’s coffee, and I’m about to lose it again.

“Hey, what’s up?” She smiles wide as she catches up.

“Bad day.” I shake my head and start walking again. Her smile definitely isn’t helping, because her smile is for everyone. Or, at the very least, divided. Maybe now’s when I need to admit I like her more than I should. But shit, I barely know the girl really. I should focus more on that.

Her brow comes down and her face is laced with all Amber sweetness.

What am I supposed to say now? “How’s Kent?” I’m stupid.

“I still don’t know how I feel about him. But I don’t want to talk about that, I’m worri—”

“Then that should be your first clue,” I snap. I don’t mean for it sound angry, but it kind of does.

She doesn’t move, but the distance between us expands to miles. “That, what?”

I stop and turn toward her, pissed at the world and ready to state the obvious. “Don’t mess with him like that. Don’t let him kiss you unless you really want him to. Otherwise you’re just screwing with his head.”

She steps back, her small brows pulled together. “But I don’t mean to mess with his head.”

“Yeah…well…” I raise both arms in the air. “Then don’t let him kiss you.” I turn and continue down the hill to the harbor.