Destiel One-Shots

Final Story

Dear Dean Winchester,

Hello Dean. If you're getting this letter it's safe assume I'm dead. It's tucked away in some post office in some state. I have faith it will find its way to your hands when you need it. When I'm gone.

I'm not actually sure how you are feeling now. I like to trick myself into thinking you're sad but I know you Dean. I know you don't have time to be sad and mourn and I understand. It still hurts knowing that my death won't hold an impact. Sure you may be sad, you may yell my name, maybe if I'm lucky shed a tear but you'll never feel anything deeper than a surface pain. The same pain you feel when you've lost a pet. It's hurts but not for long.

It's selfish of me to want more. I know the lengths you go when Sam dies. I want to think you'd do that for me. Do something horrible and dramatic to bring me back. But you won't. That's okay I don't want you to do something. Maybe a little but don't.

Do you know where I am? I actually am not certain where I go myself. I have no soul and therefore don't go to heaven. I believe I simply cease to exist. Everything I am or was is gone in a blink of an eye. You couldn't bring me back if you tried. I just become part of the universe.

I bet I died doing something foolish. It was likely in the name of the Winchesters. Probably just for you. Always for you.

Some days I wish I never met you.

Dean, I'm dead. Do you even understand what that means? Does that word even effect you anymore?

I loved you. I know you knew. You liked to ignore it. I ignored it for your sake. I let you avoid the awkwardness that would ensue if you had to face what I felt for you. Sometimes I tricked myself into thinking maybe you loved me back. I die in the name of loving a human who is too broken to love.

Ironic, I bet.

Dean, do you know how I got the idea for this letter? You made me watch that funny movie about the time traveling car. Even though I had all the knowledge of the movie, I still enjoyed watching it with you.

Dean I don't even know what to say. What is there to say. You are probably going to either throw this away or fold it up and keep it somewhere. As some sort of reminder not to fail again. I'll become a symbol in your mind. Nothing more.

Did you love me? Not in a Sam way but in the ways. I really don't think you did. No you didn't but it's nice to pretend for a moment.

I'm tearing up thinking about my eventual death. Pathetic really. Will you even collect my body or will I die in haste and have to be left on the battlefield?

What am I if nothing to you?

Dean, I want you to do something for me. Can you do something? Mourn me.

Please.

Don't let my death mean nothing. Don't drink away the pain. Don't have random sex. Don't fight it away. Just take a sober moment and miss me. Just a moment. Give my life meaning.

Maybe you already have. Maybe this letter is getting you years after I've died. Maybe I'm bringing up bad memories. Maybe they need to be brought up.

Maybe none of this matters.

Tell Sam I miss him. Tell Claire I'm sorry for taking her father and leaving.

Dean, I apologize to you also.

For everything I did and didn't do.

Maybe I saved the day by dying.

Maybe so many things.

Just know. I'm gone and....life moves without me.

With love,
Castiel Winchester

A/N I have actually decided to end it with a final fairwell. This journey has come to a close. I am saddened and dead inside over this death. It is the hardest death I've ever dealt with. I felt some call to not let my stories end bitter. Cas deserves better. He deserves a final word.