"Mickey. I'm fucking done, okay?"
I furrow my eyebrows, staring at Ian in disbelief, "The fuck's that supposed to mean?"
He shook his head and walked past me, but I grab hold of his wrist. I didn't want him to go.
He made me let go and grabbed his bags, "I'm leaving you."
He left my room as I stood there, hearing as he closed the front door of the house.
He left me forever...
Mickey sat up in his bed, tears brimming his eyes. He looked down at the still sleeping Ian and ran his hand through the familiar, soft, red hair. Reality was slowly coming back to him. The reality being that Ian was still there.
Tonight was a night that they were fine. Though, the past week Mickey has been feeling as if he wasn't worthy of Ian. Ian was distant some days which made his anxiety worse..
He slowly laid back down, staring at his sleeping boyfriend, his eyes feeling heavy of sleep and distress. He didn't want Ian to leave him, but he was surprised that Ian has stayed with him...
Ian stirred slightly, feeling the weight of the bed shift. He felt a soft hand run through his hair and the weight press back down into the mattress next to him. He furrowed his eyebrows and wiped the sleep from his eyes to see Mickey already staring back at him. Ian wore a smile on his face seeing his boyfriend peering back at him and his body heat radiation towards him. He placed his hands under his head to rest on and looked at Mickey's face in the darkness with barely any moonlight coming through the semi-closed blinds. All he saw was just a small silhouette and his piercing eyes that stared back at him, only the sounds of Mickey's small pants were audible.
Ian scooted closer to his boyfriend. He now saw small, but present, tears that made his lover's eyes glassy. Ian brought a hand up to stroke the side of Mickey's face. Mickey closed his eyes softly against the touch, a small tear falling down from his baby blues in the process. Ian furrowed his eyebrows once more in confusion,
"Bad dream?" He whispered softly, still stroking Mickey's face.
Mickey chewed the inside of his cheek, feeling his wet lashes against his cheeks, and nodded slightly, "I think I'm stressed or something.." He said as he wiped the tears away and had one hand hold Ian's while the other went to rest on Ian's left bicep, his fingers tracing shapes on his arm. He didn't want to make Ian feel bad so he wasn't sure if he should tell Ian about the reason why he felt stressed.
Ian pouted slightly and rubbed his thumb gently against his boyfriend's face, "Mhm, baby, what's stressing you out?"
Ian knew that Mick wasn't being entirely honest about what upset him. Mickey wasn't the most open when it came to expressing his feelings so Ian was gently pressing to figure out what was going on in that troubled mind...
"Well... It's... It's nothin'..." Mickey said softly. He didn't know why he said that cause it didn't make sense to him either.
"You sure?" Ian asked, rubbing small circles on his lover's cheek with his thumb.
Mickey smiled sadly, "Yeah..."
Ian hesitated, he wished Mick would just tell him. But if he wasn't ready to then he guessed Mickey wasn't ready to...
"Alright..." He then planted a soft kiss upon his lips and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, holding him close to soothe him.
Mickey kissed back and had his hand hold the back of Ian's head. They connected their foreheads together and Mick played with Ian's hair gently. It calmed him down more. He took a deep breath, his anxiety getting to him again,
"You wouldn't leave me, right?"
Ian pulled back slightly and placed the hand that was on Mickey's face to his bare chest with a puzzled expression. His fingertips pressed lightly onto Mickey's skin.
The smallest touch of the warm pads of his fingertips pressed against him got Mickey nervous again. He was completely hooked on Ian's touch. A quick flash of his dream came back to him when Ian moved to grab Mickey's hand... A brief memory of Mickey desperately grabbing hold of Ian's wrist as Ian tried to leave him...
While Mickey was lost in his head, Ian stared back at him. Silence filled the air. He took a moment to register what was going on, a confused look still illustrated on his face.
"M-Mick... Where is this coming from?... I would never leave you..." He breathed softly in the darkness. He saw Mickey's small shadow visibly relax as he released a breath.
Mickey knitted his eyebrows together as he looked down at where he would have seen Ian's hand on his chest. He was thinking of an explanation without, again, possibly making Ian feel bad...
"I don't know... It's just that sometimes... I'm scared of losing you.." He looked back up at Ian's face in the darkness, seeing a glint of his eyes from the smallest amount of light coming from the moon.
Ian snuggled closer to Mickey and shifted his legs over to touch more of him, intertwining their legs underneath the covers.
"Hey..." He said, looking into Mickey's eyes, "You would never lose me... Yeah...?" He continued, pausing slightly in his declaration. His eyes glanced at the outline of Mickey's full lips in the dark, their normal light pink hidden in the faint light. His eyes went back up to Mickey's, closing them lightly as he went in to place a small, loving kiss on his lips. He brushed their noses together, scrunching his own playfully, "Ever." He said to finish his promise. He paused again, their noses still touching,
"Mick... What was the dream about?" He asked nervously. Ian didn't want to push but he needed to know. He gently placed a small kiss on his nose before resting his head back against the pillow as close to Mick as possible.
Mickey smiled at what Ian said and promised, but he grew nervous again when he asked about his dream again. Should he tell him? Ian said he wouldn't lose him now, right?
He sighed through his nose, "I had a dream of you leaving me... You told me you were done with me..."
Ian had a small frown on his face, "Oh, Mick..." He brought a hand up once more to caress his face and wipe away a tear that fell when he finished his sentence. Ian looked back and forth between Mickey's eyes and it was as if he could see him replaying the dream in his mind before he looked down. Ian's eyes remained on Mickey's,
"Hey," He began to speak again, softly, "you know that would never happen... It was just a dream..." He slid his hand up to run it through Mick's messy hair, "Just a dream..." He repeated once more.
Mickey sighed shakily, "I know, I know..." He pulled away slightly to wipe his tears away. He didn't know what he was thinking. Ian did love him, why was he doubting himself? Maybe he can be more open with Ian. He felt a bit more comfortable to talk about his fears now.
"This whole week I was stressin' over it..."
Ian nodded as if he understood and massaged Mickey's scalp lightly with his fingertips, making small traces in his hair. He started to think about earlier in the week. He was distant... He had a small inkling that he had been the cause of Mick's dream.
He looked down and bit his lip softly as he waited a couple beats in silence for Mickey to continue opening up...
"I kept thinking of how you deserve better than me... Thinking about how I'm goin' nowhere in life... I felt like I was doing something wrong..." His voice was becoming shaky and choked for this was upsetting him again. He hated it when he thought about these things, but sometimes it was hard not to...
Ian shushed him softly and kissed his forehead, "No, no..." He said, bringing Mickey's face to his on the pillow, "Don't say that..."
He paused using his three fingers to make a small path in Mickey's part of his soft hair, "Mickey... You are the better... You're all I want, what I deserve, okay?" He says with his eyes boring into Mickey's, hoping his words would sink in. He licked his bottom lip and bit the inside of his cheek, "I-I'm sorry if it seems like I've been pushing you away... I never meant to hurt or upset you..."
He bit his lip and looked down again, leaning into Ian's touch, "You really think that?"
Ian smiled sadly and nodded, "Of course I do... I don't know what I would do without you..."
Mickey let Ian's words sink in as they laid in brief silence.
"I'm sorry... I don't know why I let it get to me..."
Ian kissed Mick's lips softly, lingering and whispering a soft, "I love you...". His lips were touching his boyfriend's with every word before connection them again.
Mickey smiled softly and kissed back, "I love you too..." He felt Ian hold him closer and his smile grew.
Ian felt Mickey's hand lower to the small of his back to push their bare chests against each other. Their bodies giving each other small warmth under the cool sheets.
"Don't forget it.." He said with a smile but his tone serious.
Mickey nodded slowly, having his head against Ian's, "I won't..."
Ian held him longer, feeling his eyes grow heavy. He kissed his lover's lips once more, "We should get some rest..."
Mick chuckled quietly and moved a bit in Ian's arms to get comfortable, "Yeah, goodnight..."
Ian muttered a small "night" to Mickey as their lips moved lazily and slowly against each other as they both began to feel tired once again. Ian fought a small battle with his eyelids as they fought to stay open. This was a fight which Mickey had clearly lost against his own.
Ian kissed the top of Mick's head, murmuring one last "I love you" before he let his eyelids win and sleep took over him...
