I frown as I stare down at Ian whose face is covered in bloody bandages. I'm scared for him, honestly. I don't even understand what happened besides the fact that he started getting into some meth and lost his fuckin' marbles. I wonder if he'll still be fucked in the head when he wakes up...
"Hey, Mick... Has uh.." I glance over at Lip who's in the doorway. He looks just as worried as I am about this whole situation as he looks over at where Ian is, "Has Ian woken up yet?"
I shake my head and look back at Ian, "No. Not yet..."
Lip is now standing next to me, "I still can't believe he did this to himself..." He sighs.
"I can't either..." I say; though, I'm not sure if I said it at all. I feel like it was mumbled.
"How long have you been here?"
I bite my lip, "I've been here since I got the call.."
Lip looks over at me, "You've been here since yesterday?"
I nod.
"Oh.."
I remember that as soon as I heard Debbie's quavering voice, I knew it was bad and got to the hospital as soon as possible.
Lip and I both stand at the side of Ian's bed and watch over him. Eventually, Lip pulls a chair over to sit in. I stay standing while holding Ian's hand in mine.
I really hope he'll be okay... I mean, I know it's already shitty cause of the fact he cut his fuckin' face off, but I just wonder if the Ian I know will still be there, faceless or not.
Ian begins to stir and all of my hope is at its max.
"He's waking up!" I hear Lip say.
"Alright, we're going to need you two to wait in the hallway so we can check his vitals and change his dressing." The doctor says as he walks into the room with a nurse.
My heart is beating out of my chest and I hold Ian's hand a bit tighter. I want to be here when he's fully conscious. I want him to know that I care.
Someone taps my shoulder, "C'mon, Mick.. Let's go wait in the hallway." It's Lip.
I sigh and hesitantly let go of Ian's hand.
"Gallagher?"
Lip and I look up at the nurse, who was working with Ian's doctor, before standing to go follow her back to the room.
I chew the inside of my cheek as I see Ian sitting up slightly in his adjusted bed. His eyes look lifeless...
"Ian is still on a medication drip, so he'll be a bit drowsy." The nurse informs us before leaving.
Ian looks over at us and holds a straight face.
I'm starting to get scared again. Something doesn't seem right about him... I know he's on that medicated shit, but I just don't see the same Ian that I remember.
"I'm gonna go talk to him. You need fresh air or something?"
I jump slightly before remembering that Lip was with me. I nod, "Yeah... Imma...... Yeah.." I cover my mouth for a few beats before turning to quickly exit the room. I had to leave the room. I just can't stand seeing Ian the way he is. It— hurts me. This whole incident has made me realise that Ian's drug use is more severe than I thought. If only I stayed at his place longer instead of letting Svetlana's bitching drag me back to the house... I should've stayed...
I walk out of the ER entrance and let the fresh air hit me. I then find a bench to sit on. Many thoughts are racing through my mind as I stare down at my shoes.
I'm a terrible boyfriend.
I wasn't paying enough attention.
I wasn't there for Ian when he needed me the most.
My nose burns and my eyes sting as tears brim them and pour out quickly.
"Mickey?"
I lift my head up, while wiping away my tears, to see Fiona walking up to me.
"Are you here for Ian?"
I nod solemnly.
"What the hell happened to him? I got a call from Debs, but I couldn't hear a word she said besides the fact that Ian got sent here."
I shake my head and hold it in my palms. My fingers comb through my hair and my hands now rest on the back of my head,
"He fuckin' went crazy... Lost his shit.. I.." I trail off because I feel the tears coming back. I soon feel Fiona's hands on my shoulders.
"Can we go see him?"
I sigh shakily, "Yeah... His face is fucked though..."
"His face??" Fiona looks at me, concerned.
"Yep..."
She grows silent after that as we walk into the building. We soon make it to Ian's room and Lip looks up at us. Ian is still awake and his eyes seem lost until they focus on me. A smirk plays on his face.
Lip gets up and walks up to Fiona, "Where were you?"
"I was on a trip. Started heading back once I got the call from Debs-" She responds as they leave the room to talk privately.
I sigh and go over to Ian. He's still giving me that weird look and it's starting to kind of freak me the fuck out.
"Hey... How're you feelin'?" I soon ask to break the tense silence.
His smirk deepens and he leans in a bit to say in a raspy voice, "To be quite honest, I'm definitely feeling better now that you're here..."
I bite my lip nervously as I stare at his bandaged face. It kinda makes me sad to see him now. I'm going to miss his beautiful freckled face...
Behind the mask of white medical cloth, his facial expression seems to resemble a look of worry, "What's wrong?"
I wipe away the tears I didn't know were there, "Nothin'..."
He pouts, "Is it the face?"
I bite my tongue. I can't lie to him, but I didn't want to admit it.
He soon begins to chuckle and it throws me off; especially since I hear Fiona and Lip arguing outside.
"Come here."
I chew the inside of my cheek and hesitantly bring the chair over to sit with him.
His right hand combs through my hair and goes down to grab my hand loosely. He wears a small, innocent smirk as his thumb massages the back of my hand. While this is happening, more questions of concern are going through my mind.
What does he think is going to happen between us right now?
Will he turn violent soon from the withdrawal?
What if this withdrawal goes bad?
Will I lose him?
Does he have brain damage?
Is this how he'll be like from now on or is it really just the medication?
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Ian's scoff,
"Mickey, Mickey, Mickey..." He brings his hands to my cheeks gently and has me look into his eyes. His thumbs wipe away my numb tears, "You worry too much, you know that?" He chuckles softly before leaning in to whisper, "How about when I get better, I fuck the shit out of you, huh?" He pulls away to look at me, "Sound good?"
I bite my trembling lip and still hear Fiona and Lip's quarrel.
"You miss me, don't you?" Ian asks.
I felt my head nod slowly. I don't know why, but I'm beginning to feel a bit— terrified of Ian... I'm not sure if it's because of my anxiety or what, but I'm really struggling to stay calm.
Ian observes my face for a moment with a growing smirk as he starts leaning in. He's about to lick my cheek and this is what sets me off.
I stand abruptly with my legs shaking slightly, "Okay, you need to push the fuck back, nut job!" My whole body is shaking now and I can't tell if I'm angry or anxious. I soon realise what I've said and step back a bit, "I-I'm sorry... I gotta get out of here..." My voice quavers as I finally feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.
The hospital was able to save Ian's skin, so they stitched his face back on. It's been six months since then and I'll have to say, his face is beginning to heal up good. They've been keeping Ian hydrated and all that to decrease the risk of infection. Though, this hospital bill is going to drive Ian's family in debt, so I decided to try to help by saving up money and working as many hours as I can for a decent pay.
I walk into Ian's room to see that he's awake. He glances over at me and smiles slightly,
"Hey."
I smile too as I pull a chair over to sit next to him, "Hey, how're you feeling?"
He shrugs and looks up at the TV that is mounted up in the corner of the room, "Okay I guess.."
I chew the inside of my cheek and gently hold his hand in mine, "What's wrong?"
Ian sighs, "Nothing.. Just thinking, that's all..." His eyes didn't leave the TV screen as he said that.
"Whatcha thinkin' about, Gallagher?" I try to say this in a more lighthearted tone to hide the concern I'm actually feeling.
He shrugs again as he still watches this crappy show from CW, "To be honest, I don't really know..."
I furrow my eyebrows. I'm not buying it. I open my mouth to say something, but Ian starts talking again,
"All I know is that I— fucked up.." He scoffs slightly and looks down at his lap, "I fucked up when I started doing drugs, a-and when I started ignoring you..." Tears are brimming his eyes and I sit closer to him. I hold his hand a bit tighter, but he removes his hand to carefully wipe away his tears.
"And now, I'm gonna have these f-fucking scars on my face t-to remind me that I've fucked up.." He covers his face as he began to cry.
I put my hands on his shoulders to comfort him, "Aye, listen, you did not fuck up, Ian. Shit happens. Ju-"
He shakes his head and cuts me off, "Quit the fucking sympathy bullshit,
okay?" He sighs and wipes his eyes again, "Look, I get it, you care about me, and I appreciate it, but— I seriously did fuck up this time.."
I sigh as well, "Okay, well if you truly believe that it's your fault, at least know that it was a mistake and learn from it. You gotta learn to forgive and forget." I rub small circles on his upper back to help him calm down more.
"How can I forgive myself, Mickey?" Ian asks as he stares down at his lap again.
I bite my lip and hold Ian's hand. We look at each other and I see a face of gloom staring back at me. I frown slightly and rub my thumb on the back of his hand, "You will," I bring his hand up to kiss it gently, "I know you can.."
Ian sighs shakily and nods as he tightens his grip on my hand. We sit in silence for a few beats until Ian breaks it,
"I— I miss you, Mickey... I-I miss us." He says as he's the one who's rubbing the back of my hand now.
"I miss us too-"
"—And all I've been thinking about these past few months were our memories and I just feel— I feel scared..."
I furrow my eyebrows, "What do you mean?"
His grip tightens again, "I'm scared of losing you.." He answers as he now stares down at his lap.
I scoff slightly, "Ian, hey, look at me." His green eyes soon meet mine, "You'll never lose me. Ever." A half smile curls up on one of the corners of my lips, "I love you too damn much that I never even think about leaving you. You're the only firecrotch I know and love."
That last sentence made Ian chuckle a little. I bring his hand up to my lips and kiss it gently.
"I love you too, Mick."
a/n
alright, i'm not sure if i should continue this. let me know what y'all think!
