"My eyes trail up his hands, her sides and her pale back till where her neck meets her right shoulder and I see thin red liquid trails, stark against her flesh, running down lazily. My brows furrow and my heart flutters as I recognize the liquid. My...
There are things I only remember when I'm most vulnerable, when I'm asleep.
✦✧✦
First days usually suck but this one turned out alright. After lunch, I was invited to spend time out with the rest of the gang but I didn't want to, so I politely declined. I only just met them I don't want to impose even if they wouldn't mind.
Dylan got my phone number as per the bargain, even though he hadn't actually found me and I just happened to walked in coincidentally. I decided he had earned it so I let him tap his digits into mine and then mine into his.
Now I'm back at my apartment, my new home since I arrived here about a few weeks ago. It's pretty small but I don't mind, it suits me just fine. I've settled in nicely with some furniture I bought at some yard sales around town. My couch is comfy even though I got it second hand and my fluffy rug is so comforting as I settle down to take out. I connect my phone to my little sparkly stereo box and I listen to my playlist on repeat.
Blackbear's 'IDFC' comes on and I let my mind stray. It's restless as I start to go over the day, the courses, and the people I met at the college. Dylan's friends are cool and the more I think about them, the more I feel my initial resistance to people waning. I remember their faces, their voices and even what we talked about. How their laughter sounded and their smiles looked, it all rushes back to me and I feel warm and fuzzy inside. Suddenly I see him again, just there looking so alone in the crowd of happy faces, Nars. I remember him so clearly, it's like I'm there again watching him unabashedly. I don't want to wonder about him this much but I can't stop. He's mysterious and I want to know what it is about him that's making me want to know more. I don't believe it's just because he's gorgeous, I pride myself on being more sensible than that.
My phone buzzes and my thoughts are scrambled. I pick my phone up and glance at the screen. It's a text from 'Foxy Dyl'. I cringe at the horrible name knowing exactly who it is.
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I roll my eyes, stifling a laugh at how he still sounds so ridiculous in texts. I change the contact name from cringe worthy 'Foxy Dyl' to 'Ken Doll'. It's not like he's really going to know unless he checks my phone, which he should never dare. I might just break his fingers.
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I roll my eyes, locking my screen and dropping my phone returning to eating my now cold ramen. I blame the coldness of my ramen on Dylan even though it makes no sense to do so. My phone starts buzzing continuously and I know it's Dylan so I ignore it. I go into my cute little kitchen then to my room after plugging my phone in to charge for the night. Dylan has sent me multiple texts but I don't feel like reading them and I don't. I pretend not to see them before I go take a shower and go to bed.
✦✧✦
It takes a while to fall asleep. Somehow staring up at the little sky I've made for myself, with cardboard stars and the pale white and blue clouds I painted onto my ceiling, comforts me. I don't know the exact moment my eyes shut.
I dream of a place I left behind and faces that will always haunt me when my eyes are closed for too long. There are things I only remember when I'm most vulnerable, when I'm asleep.
There's always a little girl, a little me, and somehow these dreams always end the same. Under water, strapped down and drowning.
I bolt out of bed awake and for a short moment I panic thinking I'm back in my old room until I realise I'm not. I'm in Dark Side, alone in this small apartment I want to call home so badly.
I know I won't wink once for the rest of the night so I get out of bed and grab my phone off the nightstand. I go over Dylan's texts with half a mind.
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I put the phone down, smiling slightly at Dylan's texts. I wonder if they had fun wherever it was they went to. I wonder if Nars was there too. If he was, I wonder what it would have been like to have been there too.
Having enough of my wistful thinking, I get out of bed and pad over to the only window in my room, looking out into the dark night. There are some lights moving around the streets, I glance at the time on my alarm clock wondering if this town ever sleeps.
It's a little past 1'o clock in the morning, but I know I won't sleep either. I'll stay awake with the town, till dawn comes to Dark Side.
