Limerence

1

1

When you meet someone

The risk is not that they might

Hurt you,

But that they might turn you into

A fireball of resentment and pain.

The first time I saw him, he was walking away. That should have been a clear indication of our relationship but I was too foolish to see that. There is something about exquisite beauty that makes you want to pursue it; and in the process, you pretty much check off your wits and sanity before running after it. Anyhow, that's how it was with him. If I had to describe him, it would not take forever but I might have wrinkles on my fingers by the time I was done. And anyway, I really do not want to hurt my brain thinking about him right now.

It is 5 in the morning and I'm writing to you because I just need to let him go. He drove me insane for the last 6 months and that's really not okay. It all started in May...

"Apolafsi, this is Drew. Drew, this is Apolafsi."

My friend Ryna introduced us. We were sitting at the cafeteria and I could not believe my 'luck'. I was dazed. We were working and staying on campus over the summer and for the last 32 weeks I had constantly seen him around without knowing who he was. I had always wanted to approach him but I had no guts to do that. And he of course, had no desire to do so either. He probably did not even see me. Or know I existed.

And here he was, sitting in front of me with his friend and my friend and we were actually being introduced to each other!!!!

"Hi! I'm Apolafsi!" I pretty much exploded. I could barely contain my exhilaration.

"And this is Joe. Joe, Apolafsi."

"Hey what's up? Are you from Africa too?" He asked with genuine interest.

I guess Ryna had told me about my origins already. We were both Africans who came to Eastern University in the Spring. She was from South Africa and I was...

"Yeah! I'm from Benin. Have you guys ever heard of it?"

They both shook their head, dumfounded expressions plastered on their faces. I smiled in amusement. I was not surprised.

"It borders Nigeria".

"Ohhhh". The lightbulb automatically switched on at the mention of Nigeria. I internally sighed. It was the same reaction I got with all the Americans here. No one knew about Benin. But Nigeria was so notorious, especially because of the terrorist group Boko Aram and the 200 school girls they kidnapped, that almost the whole world knew that country now. But not Benin- the small francophone, West African country that bordered it. So was my life. Not everything can be famous and known. If not there would be no point.

"Haha yeah bet you never heard of it." I laughed their ignorance off. Har. Har. Har.

"Haha nope." His friend Joe laughed.

"So what does your name mean?" he asked and I not-so-subtly jerked my face up in surprise.

This whole time I had avoided looking at either of them straight in the face. I know it sounds corny but they were literally too beautiful fr me to look at them. Especially Drew. I was so scared of not being able to look elsewhere after that. He was like a constellation in the dark night of my life and all I wanted to do was sit down and gaze at him forever; admiring his stupendous beauty.

"Apolafsi?" Ryna prompted me and I snapped out of my whipped daze. Crap I was not doing so well. I had just met him and already I was spacing out BECAUSE of him! If this is how I started, how would I even be able to hold a conversation with him?

"Sorry." I mumbled. Black people usually don't turn red but my face was probably tar right now. "It means Delight in Greek." I smiled. I was quite proud my parents had given me a Greek name- it was s unique. My name was one of the things I grudgingly admitted my parents had done right.

"Wow that's so cool." He smiled.

I looked away. He was killing me. I had expected this guy to be a macho, self-absorbed idiot who looked too good for his own reflection. But no. The guy that sat before me was down-to-earth and beautiful and seemingly totally unaware of how amazing he was. It angered me on the spot. It was the worse combination you could think of. Beautiful and accessible. Adorable and Unaware. Hot and humble. Tose were the kind of combinations you never want anyone but your spouse to have because you end up falling hard- and that's never, ever, a good thing.

I wish I could rewind at that point and shoot my heart into submission and numbness of him but I was too eager to feel. Too eager to open myself up to the possibility of love and the idea that maybe, just maybe, someone would love me now. Maybe I would finally experience the love everyone raved about in books and movies and documentaries. Maybe this guy would finally love me even if we were an ill-matched pair and he was otherworldy and I was earthly.

"How long have you been here?" His perfect, blonde eyebrows perked up as he asked his genuine question.

I still could not get over the fact that he cared! Boy I was in for trouble.

"Since January." Ryna jumped in after five seconds of me just having my mouth open, unable to say a word. I seriously don't even know what happened. I just couldn't speak. I had never experienced this before. It was a new kind of low- even for me. I only turned blacker from there.

"We both met in Neane" (that was the name of our Residence hall; don't ask me why) "and we clicked off right away! It was a blessing to have her. I don't know what college would have been like without her."

Ryna turned to me and smiled.

My heart warmed inside my chest and I laughed. I really loved this girl.

When I was coming here, my fear was that I would have no friends. I had almost none back home by the time I left because I pushed some away, after others had betrayed me. And yet here I was in a new country, with God saying "I give you another chance. Try again."

To say the least, she was an answer to my prayers. A blessing that came right when I needed her to. And she was the one that made me realize once again, that God's timing is ALWAYS the best. If I had come in the fall like I wanted to (just 'cause I was so eager to escape my parents), I would never have met her.

But here we were.

"Yeah. She's my African sister." I smiled again.

"Aww." Joe cheered. "Well he's my African brother!" he patted Drew on the back and we all laughed.

"How did you guys meet?"

"Oh are you ready for this?" Drew laughed, twinkles visible in his eyes.

He had to stop this nonsense or I was going to faint at some point this evening. Thankfully, Ryna came to my rescue. Did I mention how grateful I was for her?

"We totally are. Tell us!" She prodded with enthusiasm.

"Okay so get this, Joe and I are both seniors now and we met when we were juniors."

My heart sank inside me. Seniors! Why in the name of all that is chocolate, did this guy have to be as senior when I was a freshman entering college?

"Oh you guys are 21 then?" I interjected, before I could stop myself.

"Oh yeah- about time." Joe nodded emphatically.

Inside of me, I was falling apart. Okay no not yet. I wasn't. but still. Twenty one? I was only 18! The signs were getting clearer and clearer but by this time, my eyes were completely shrouded by his beauty and personality that I was slowly uncovering. If I was a meteorologist, he was a thunderstorm I never saw coming because I was blinded by the exhilaration of such a rare phenomenon storming into my life.