Limerence

2

They fall in love

They way blind men fall in pits-

Suddenly,

And with no way out.

"He was actually naked."

Ryn and I choked no our food. Drew became red.

"What?" I finally blurted, barely unable to continue my surprise and amusement.

"Shut up Joe." Drew glared at him and then turned to us. "Forget whatever he said. We met and ever since we've been pretty much enemies."

"Haha oh no don't you back down. There's more to this story. You can't just give us a teaser and pull back." I laughed.

Joe's eyes mirrored the glint in my eyes.

"C'mon Joe, 'fess up!" Ryn urged.

Drew ducked his head as the river of red crept up his neck. I felt my heart pinch in my chest. No, no, no. This was not going well. Not at all. I couldn't allow myself to feel anything AT ALL. But who was I kidding? I was already falling. Actually no. I think that's the moment I decided to jump. Right there and then. Into the darkness, into the unknown of feelings and romance and hope and naïve optimism. Even though I could not see the bottom and had no idea what would happen. I'm sure even a blind man would have made a better choice than that.

"Okay, okay so here we go. I was walking back from this mad party one time my dorm was right next to the pool so it makes sense that I happened to be walking by it you know?" He smirked, shooting Drew a sideways glance.

I stifled my laughter. I was way too giddy for a conversation on the beginnings of their bromance. And I was barely hiding it. Anyway, that's what I realized from the covert, knowing glances Ryna kept shooting my way.

"Yeah and...?" She prompted.

"Do you really have to do this?" Drew interjected with a mortified groan.

"Oh heck yes I do! You know I love telling everyone about how we met each other."

Ryna and I burst out laughing.

"So I'm walking by the pool-"

"Yeah, yeah you've said that part move on." I cut in.

"Jeez Louise- patience woman!"

I rolled my eyes.

'Anyway, I'm walking by the pool-" I glared at him in mocking exasperation. This Joe guy was too much like me.

"And guess who hoots at me?"

"Oh no." I laugh. "This doesn't sound promising Drew."

"It gets worse." He smiles embarrassingly.

"Yep." Joe continues. "I turn around and who do I see? A blonde-haired babe coming out of the pool. Buck naked in all his birthday glory. Insisting that I look appetizing."

At that point, we could not control ourselves anymore. Ryna and I burst out laughing. It was too much too handle. If it was possible for a white person to resemble a tomato, Drew did at that point. For a second, it pissed me off. Why did he have to go and be so meek and adorable and URGH?!

I really should have kept my distance. I should have stood up at that moment and walked away and never given him a second thought.

But do you know why idiots are insane and not stupid? Because as they stand on the edge of the precipice, they are aware that they will fall but they still think there will be a net somewhere, or someone, to save them. Foolishness is damning. I would know firsthand.

After that day, we saw each other a lot more. Mostly when they were both in the cafeteria and I was working. Or they were eating and I was eating too (when it wasn't too busy). I sued to love being at the register because it meant I could be the first face they saw before they walked in. Well, mostly Drew really. I pretty much lived for those days where he would give me his card and smile at me and I would smile back and he would go through those pointless niceties of asking how I'm doing, and I would barley choke out "good" without falling off my chair.

The first time, our conversation was so mortifying I wanted to punch my lips off my face.

"Hi!" I had greeted them joyfully.

"Hey Apolafsi" he smiled back and I promise you, if I had a glass cup in my head, it would have splintered on the ground.

"You remember my name?!" I could not even hide my shock and thrill. Ohmigosh. How was it possible? That had to mean something right? He remembered my name!

"Of course I do. How could forget such a nique name?"

Yep. My heart stopped beating for one-two-three seconds. I kind g had to smack itback to life through my ribs. I could have sworn he was flirting with me. But that explains why jesus forbids us to swear. May your "yes" be "yes" and your "no" be "no". He advised. Because clearly, sometimes the truth gets warped up into our whisfhul thinking and our bias and it becomes harder and harder to see where honesty first laid its eggs.

The next few weeks went by in a daze. Slowly but gradually, he sneaked into my head and basically took over all my thoughts. If I walked outside of the dorm we were all living in, I would look around, hoping to see him. I would even walk by his closed windows sometimes in hope he would see me (even when the binds were obviously down). For some reason, the thought of him just being there was enough for me. In the cafeteria, before every meal, I would try to look my best if I was working. (There's not much you can do there though if you are in a pretty unflattering uniform). And the day I did not work- you bet I spent hours in front of the mirror! Okay not hours but still. As I darkened my eyes, and reddened my lips, flashes of his smile would keep me going. Maybe be would notice me. Maybe today would be the day he would see my beauty. Unconventional and all.

And yes, it did at some point occur to me that this guy could totally have a girlfriend. But unlike most guys I know, he never talked about it. So figured she did not exist. Of course it's not like we knew each other that well and he seemed pretty reserved and introverted- the contrary of me. But still. Ryna would know right? Since they worked together all the time. S I convinced myself he was fair game and I, oh-so subtly pursued him. After all, I do know that women are not technically supposed to chase after men. But what if the men doesn't chase you back but you want him to and you know that you guys would be the best constellation that ever happened in the sky?

At least one good thing that came out of my mental decline is that I became much more aware of my surroundings. Just like my mother always wanted me to. She never stopped pestering me and criticizing me for being unaware and always in the clouds.

"My goodness you should be ashamed of yourself!" She would exclaim with utter disgust if I did not for example, remember the color of the shirt a random woman in the supermarket was wearing, hours later.

If he was somewhere, I knew. I felt his presence deep in my bones. I'm not even lying to you. I just knew. (Okay maybe because I did scan every inch of my surroundings in hope of catching sight of him). And in the idle of the humdrum, the minute my eyes fell on his hair or his back, my body would hum and drown out the noise all around me. And he would become the center of everything. I would forget to breathe for a few seconds and yeah. I pretty much tracked him until he or I had to go. Not to say that if he was somewhere, I would "just happen" to pass by, and sometimes get a glance out of him; other times even a "Hey, how's it going?". Not that he actually cared but still. It felt good believing that he did.

I pretty much convinced myself he cared. I did this to myself.