Race

Chapter 29

The first thing I felt was disappointment in myself. It was an unreasonable reaction to the situation but sometimes when you are too overwhelmed with what has just happened, an unreasonable reaction is the best you can do. I felt disappointed. Simply because I had not recognized him. You would think that after the days and nights I had spent fantasizing about him and that I had spent around him, I would recognize his shape immediately. Remember the curve of his back, the strong shoulders, his way of bearing himself. But I hadn't, at least not consciously. Or otherwise this situation could've been avoided, I could have turned around right away and stormed out of the book shop and texted Natalie to inform me once he had left. That way, I would not have had to hear his voice again – my constant torturer, no matter if awake or asleep. I could have continued to live my life, not quite remembering what it felt to have his green eyes fixed on me, waiting for an answer that I felt too breathless to give. I blamed the goddamn short hair for my not recognizing him right away. Stupid short hair. Why did he cut it. God, it looked good. Stupid short hair.

I decided to go with my instinct and do exactly what I would've done had I recognized him earlier. I stormed out of the bookshop. Natalie, standing behind the counter and looking confused, opened her mouth to say something but her words were drowned out by the bells fastened over the entrance door ringing viciously as I yanked it open and stormed outside.

Spurting down the way I had just come from a few moments ago, I first noticed that I was trembling and that my heart was racing. A wave of nausea rolled over me and I was scared that I would throw up. Slowing down to a brisk walk, I tried to breathe in deeply, hoping it would ease the disgusting feeling in my throat and stomach.

How dare he show up at my work, months after he had told me to get the hell out of his life? How dare he talk to me as if nothing had happened, as if he had not broken my heart and made me feel like he never wanted to see me again? How dare he?

For the second time today I found myself in the small alleyway, desperately needing to stop and catch some air and feeling like this was the best place to do so. My hot breath drifted through the air in small white clouds and I mentally thanked myself for never having taken off my jacket or otherwise I would have frozen to death by now. I put my hands up to my cheeks, wanting to rub them to get some warmth into what felt as cold and stiff as china, and my fingertips came away wet. I looked at them in surprise, feeling like the tears should have frozen on my skin instantly and left small traces of ice down the sides of my face. Here I was again, with my unreasonable reaction. Even though I had not been completely aware of the fact that I was crying, it seemed natural. What else would I be doing? Harry tended to have this effect on me.

"Vee."

So he had followed me. What else had I expected?

I bit down on my lip and felt every bit of cold abandon my cells and turn into raging heat. He just couldn't let it go. Well, neither would I.

I whirled around and with five big strides I had reached his position at the beginning of alley. There was a hissing noise in my ears, getting louder with every second, and my vision was blurred – but this time it wasn't because of tears.

"How. Dare. You!" I brought out between clenched teeth, my hands hitting his chest with each word, pushing him away. I could feel a vein in my temple throb painfully. "Leave me alone!" I screamed at him and he flinched.

I wasn't a screamer. Never had been. Not even during fights did I ever raise my voice. But then again, I couldn't remember ever feeling this angry.

With the last words, I had turned around and walked down the alley again before standing still, my back to him, trying to calm down, my hands balled to fists. I sincerely hoped he had taken my last words to heart and turned around and left. But of course, knowing him and his goddamn thick head, it was plainly obvious that he was still stood somewhere behind me, either just looking at me and waiting for my body to become less tense or trying to find a way to approach me, even in the current state I was in.