Race

Chapter 14

A traffic jam. A fucking traffic jam.

On my way to the police station the streets had been empty. Almost deserted. I had gotten there way too fast for my liking, leaving me unprepared for what was about to come. Even though I had expected it to be bad to see Harry again after a week of avoiding him, I couldn't have imagined it to be that bad.

The officer had led me to his cell and what I had found there wasn't what I had been expecting. I had expected to find a drained Harry, tired, ashamed, desperate. Instead he had been leaning against a wall, his dark curls ruffled and pushed back - which looked extremely hot, just saying - in a black button up with the sleeves rolled up so I could see some of his tattoos. The look he gave me was cocky, as if he had known I would come to pick him up.

The police officer had realized that he had forgotten the keys and had left me alone with Harry, who then had been leaning against the bars, smirking at me.

"Did you miss me?" he had asked.

"Would I have ignored all of your calls if I had missed you?" I had fired back, knowing that in fact I really had missed him. Every day without him had felt infinite, the seconds had felt like hours. I had missed his laugh, his humour, his smell, his presence, his everything.

"Oh, so you actually ignored me? I thought you had just changed your number and accidentally forgotten to tell me."

I had rolled my eyes.

And now, on our way to his house, we were stuck in a fucking traffic jam. Just my luck.

Being stuck in the tiny space of my car, Harry next to me, was torturing.

We didn't talk.

But I could feel his presence next to me, his body warmth radiating, I could hear his heart beating, I could hear him breathing slowly, I could see him glancing at me every now and then. It was barely tolerable.

Something was in the air between us. A tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. It felt like something was about to happen, wether it was good or bad I didn't know. All I knew was that it scared me, that I needed to get away from him. But I couldn't. Because we were stuck in a fucking traffic jam.

Harry leaned in and put the radio on, probably feeling as awkward because of the on going silence as I did. He turned it up and the loud music made my head throb.

"Turn it down," I snapped, annoyed by the fact that we hadn't moved a single inch for the last ten minutes, wanting to finally get rid of Harry.

"Why do you hate me so much?" he asked and I was surprised by the hurt in his voice. I made the mistake to look at him. His green eyes were sparkling in a sad way and I realized I had never seen him this vulnerable.

In that moment all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him that he was wrong, that I loved him and that it scared me because the only time I had ever loved someone before had had terrifying consequences. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault, that he was one of the most amazing people I had ever met, that I had been hurt and that that was why I had sworn myself to never open up to a man again. But all I could say was "I don't hate you".

"It feels like it though," he said, turning away from me, his eyes focusing on the car in front of us. "You always treat me like you can't stand being around me."

The truth was: I couldn't stand being around him. It made my mind feel foggy, it made my knees want to buckle in, it felt like there was something fluttery in my stomach, it spread warmth through my whole body, it made me want to do things to him that I never had done to anyone. And all of that scared me.