Anxious

Regular-ish Day

Monday
April 7, 2016

Wake up, normal day, normal routine. For me, at least. First things first, getting ready. What do I wear? This looks good, I think, pulling out a black, long sleeved shirt and a black floral skirt. No way, you wanna look like you just got out of a funeral? You wanna look fun, not emo!
Ok, I try looking at a pink blouse with blue shorts, plus white sandals. Are you kidding me? Are you just begging to look like a toddler at a circus? Jeez, do it right!
I finally take out a plain white dress, paired with a red and blue flannel around the waist. Happy? Sure.
Next, I brush my teeth and hair, then go to my mirror and my eyes match my own and hold for a few minutes. I sigh and pick up some foundation and my sponge, squirt out some on my hand- Too much, cake face- and start blending into my face, moving on to concealer. I could just skip it - You'll look like a zombie if you do that- Ugh, fine. After smearing concealer under my eyes and over a couple blemishes, I blend brown and light tan with a darker shade of brown on my lid- Blend more, it's looking like you're trying too hard- I rub some off. I make a slight wing with my eyeliner- That looks like a baby did it, make it bigger- I make the wing more dramatic- Stupid! You look like a drag queen now!- Whatever. I apply two coats of mascara carefully- Clumpy- and pick up my bronzer to contour some- Lord knows you need it- Some blush- Clown- Lipstick- Too dark- A different one- Too bright- A third one. I finally start on my brows- Pluck them, Chewbacca- I pluck some stray hairs- Too thin- and fill them in- too dark- "It's fine," I mutter. They're gonna hate you. I try my best to blend it out with my finger. It doesn't matter, anyway. They already hate you. My stomach rumbles. I head downstairs for breakfast, when I hear, I would tell you not to eat, but then you'll get so hungry at school you'll look like a pig. Just eat a little bit and skip lunch. I pull out some eggs and bacon- Bacon is super unhealthy- I pull out some eggs and crack one into the pan, as I go for another- Fatty- I cook one egg. I quickly eat, grab my bag, and leave. Finally made it through the first part of my day. I exhale as I turn the key and drive to school.
Once I arrive, I walk inside- Straighten your back, slob- I oblige, rolling my shoulders back, attempting to walk with confidence. You look way too tense right now. Try to appear relaxed. I shake out my limbs a bit and walk naturally, just not too natural.
"Hey!" Brooke, my friend, waves and makes her way over to me. "Did you finish that dumb history assignment last night? I definitely didn't. How rude of Mr. Mackels to give us a huge essay due the next day! Ugh, whatever."
I simply nod in agreement. Broke is a little chatty, so I kinda let her do the talking. Say something in response, idiot, you look uninterested, or like you didn't even listen.
"I didn't finish either." I did finish. Why would you lie? She'll know when you hand it in today and she'll hate you even more than she already does. She probably already knows. Oh God, she knows!
"I mean, I mostly finished, just like, you know."
I doubt Brooke heard, as she walks off to Emma without a word to me. It's because she hates you and hates talking to you, freak.
I head to my first class, where I sit beside my friend Anne, and in front of another friend of mine, Layla. On the other side of me is Jake, one of the football players. He's cute, and I would date him, but he's not my first pick. Especially since I'm already dating Kurt. I chat with Anne and Layla throughout class, also getting some work done. I don't try my hardest, though. I try to stick with getting around C pluses and B minuses; I don't wanna look stupid, but I also don't wanna look like a nerd. I do just enough to do little over pass, enough to let me still do cheer leading. I don't really like cheerleading, but I wanna be popular. All my friends are the cheerleaders, but they're like fake friends.
After two more classes, I make my way to the lunch room. When I first got to high school, I figured all those movies or whatever were just stereotypes. I'm talking about the ones where all the high schoolers are in groups. Like the nerds, the emos, the jocks, the cheerleaders, the theater lovers, the (gross) couples, and the plain ol' average people. I make my way to where the cheerleaders are. Our table is right beside the jocks. How conveniently original. There sits Layla, Anne, Jenna, Brooke, Christa, Ariana, Skylar, Sadie, Lucy, and my "bff," Riley. I say that with quotations cause none of them actually care. This is all simply a game about popularity and who has the most cool friends. Yet I can't help but play because, despite how empty this feels, being a loser isn't worth it. It's pretty empty-looking too. Besides, has there ever been a popular, loved person to kill them selves? Maybe, but the tormented nerds' suicide rates are definitely way higher. Hey, earth to loser, earth to loser, do you read me? You've completely zoned out and haven't spoken to the group in, like, five minutes. You look crazy. I tune what they're all saying back in. "...and then he tried to get me to give him my number, so finally, I did. But I totally blew him off every time he text me. He was soo desperate," Ariana finished spilling her story on some guy who asked for her number at Taco Bell. "Wait," Christa had a slightly disgusted look on her face, "Why were you at Taco Bell?" The rest nodded and gave a collective "Eww."
Ariana defensively replied, "No, gross, I would never eat there. Listen, like my little bro wanted some, so my mom made me come to. Like, how nasty."
I pipe up. "Yeah, definitely. Wasn't Taco Bell where their drinks have, like, cockroach shells?"
They all shared grossed-out expressions, when Skylar said, "I think that was McDonald's milkshakes."
Nice job, smarty pants. Try talking about something you know what you're talking about. And also less gross.
Before I can strike up a conversation on another subject, Jeremy hops into the seat beside me and scoots me down, forcing me to bump into Jenna. "Hey girls," he grins. "Couldn't help but notice you guys had an extra  space here, you saving that for me?"
Riley rolls her eyes playfully. "Jeremy, I dunno if you realized, but you're taking up too
much space. You're crushing them." She gestured to Jenna and I with her head. He turned to me and smirked.  "You don't
mind me, do you?" He winked at Jenna. Jenna had a thing for him, so she said no, of course. I pushed him off. "C'mon, don't you have to go shave your 'facial hair' or something?" A couple of the girls giggled. He laughed too. "Yeah, I do actually. You wanna come too? You can borrow my razor if you need too." Oh no, they're gonna make fun of you. How could you let him do that? Have another comeback, quick! Before I can respond, another laugh comes when three other guys (Kurt, Jake, and Mike) turn to us. "Is he bothering you guys? Cause I can take him down if I need to," says Jake, grinning. Jeremy replies, "Oh, I bet you can. Right here, right now, you wanna go?"
"Do you guys want detention?" Mike says.
Kurt joins in. "Yeah Jeremy, you wanna keep bothering my girlfriend like that and you can end up black and blue."
Jeremy scoffs. "You guys wanna team up on me, huh?" He takes a fake battle stance. "Well, you won't just be fighting me. I got this guy right here," he hold up his right fist, "and he knows a guy. He knows this guy," he whips out his left fist, making sound effects like it's an action movie. "Let's go!" Him and Kurt start fake wrestling. I roll my eyes and Riley crosses her arms. "Way to be mature," Jenna exclaims.
"Wow, just look at 'em go," Christa says sarcastically. They ignore us, and Mike joins them, getting ready to punch Kurt, when the science teacher, Mrs. Dunsfield approaches, arms crossed, but not in a playful way. She gives a stern "ahem," and the boys immediately stop, hands behind backs. "Oh hey, Mrs. Dunsfield." Jeremy gives a sheepish smile. "Sit down." They oblige, going back to eating their food, giving us goofy smiles. We go back to talking and they eat while my stomach rumbles. Don't even think about it. That food is garbage, anyway.
I sigh, holding back the urge to eat. The rest of the school day passes by, and it's time to go home, Riley stops me as I'm about to leave. "Hey, come with us, we're going to the mall."
"I drove here." You look like a boring party pooper now.
"Drive yourself," she waves as she hops into Sadie's car with Sadie, Skylar, Lucy, Ariana, and Brooke. I wanna go home and eat, I'm tired and hungry. You have to go with them or you'll seem lame. Sleep and eat later.
So I make my way to the mall. We try on clothes, walk around, Sadie and Lucy got a couple guys' numbers and I manage to get home by around nine. I finally am able to scarf down some cake I found in the fridge (despite hearing, You're gonna be so fat, fat fat fat!) and hit the hay.
Another day down... a lot more to go.