no, i didn't spell "morning" wrong.
i am indeed mourning.
last night, as of around 10:00 pm, my best friend died.
tragic. horrible. disgusting. gut-wrenching. heartbreaking. i feel it all. but even after all of these obvious feelings, i still do not know what i feel.
am i sad? yes. am i angry? yes. am i regretful? yes. 22 people are declared dead, possible more eventually.
her name was georgina bethany callander. all of the articles are referring to her as "18-year-old ariana grande fan." gina was so much more than that.
she was caring. she had 11 dogs and she loved them all. she took care of them.
she was beautiful. not only her face, but her soul.
she was hilarious. everything she said was adorable, that's what made it so funny.
she was so much more. but how does my mourning feel, you may ask?
my tears are so heavy they drip on my fingers. my fingertips are slipping, making typos on their own. my stomach is sore from the throwing up and constant worrying. lack of eating. the crying. my heart is aching hard from the heartbreak. over and over and over again.
i miss her.
i love her.
i need her.
i would give anything to say goodbye. to hug her.
but i can't. it hurts.
today's knowings:
nothing.
