~the garden of the Jung sisters~

CH. 3: Succumbing to Hatred

Sooyeon came into f(x)'s room after receiving Qian's call. Not too far away from her, Soojung was training and sweating buckets. Sooyeon decided to observe her for a while. As with the other f(x) members and the staff members, it was observed that Soojung's performance was flawless - except for something which was never figured out. However, in this case, Sooyeon instantly knew of what Soojung was lacking of.

Passion.

Soojung's performance had everything. Great choreography, dance and catchy music. However, it was lacking in colours and life. In Sooyeon's opinion, music and dance was something that she loved and enjoyed. That was why she wanted to be an idol in the first place; she wanted to feel music and dance, and explore the ways that she could make music and dance full of life. She may not have practised as vigorously or as much as with Soojung, but she enjoyed every practise that she had and transformed her enjoyment to the life of her dance and song.

However, it was strange. If Soojung did not like music and dance at the first place, she should not have wanted to be an idol. What made her decide to become an idol like Sooyeon?

"Unnie?"

Sooyeon raised her head, her train of thoughts interrupted when she noticed that the loud music had stopped, and now, Soojung was facing her, obviously shocked that she had came to f(x)'s room.

"What are you doing here?"

Soojung was sweating all over, and while she tried to hide her obvious panting, she was gasping for breath and for more air. Sympathy for Soojung filled Sooyeon's heart, and she slowly opened her mouth.

"Passion."

Soojung's eyes grew wide after hearing what her unnie said. She had no idea what Sooyeon was saying, but somehow, she felt like she knew what Sooyeon was saying as well.

"Your dance and song... They had no colours and life in them."

Sooyeon's words striked Soojung deeply. SM Entertainment's staff members and the other f(x) members also slightly mentioned it before - that her performance was dull and lifeless. Soojung thought that she did not practise enough, and kept on practising. But maybe, inside her heart... she had already known what those words truly meant.

She did not like music or dance. At the first place, she wanted to become an idol because of her parents and her desire to win her unnie. That was why she trained and practised so hard. Yet, now... she had to admit the fact that there was no way she could excel in music and dance department. She just had no passion in them.

"...Why?"

It was a simple question, but Soojung could not find herself to reply it. All she felt was hatred right now. Hatred that she could not beat her unnie; now and then. Hatred that she was standing like a loser in front of her unnie. Hatred that everything that was happening now was not her unnie's or anyone else's fault; but hers.

"I want to win you."

Sooyeon's eyes widened with surprise when Soojung uttered that sentence out. She had never expected that her dongsaeng actually held the desire to win herself; and that that desire was so strong that Soojung was willing to practise and train so hard at something that she did not like to do. Her dongsaeng often complained about their parents to her; but she had never expected that it was due to her own self.

Everything clicked to her now. The way she looked at their parents and her; the reason why she wanted to become an idol like her all of a sudden; the reason why she had trained like a mad dog over the months. And the reason was caused by no other person than herself.

"I hate you. If it isn't for you, appa and amma will not have treated me like trash. It is all because of you!"

Soojung started screaming, yelling, and even pulling at Sooyeon's clothes. Sooyeon, herself, could not say a thing. What could she say? That she was sorry? It was her fault that her younger sister had bore such hatred, and right now, there was nothing she could do.

After she left f(x)'s room, she walked out of the company silently. Originally, she should be going back to SNSD's room, but now, she had no mood to. She silently mocked herself at her thoughts; her thoughts that she was a great unnie to Soojung and that Soojung could tell her anything and everything. In the end, both statements were wrong.

Soojung, on the other hand, plopped to the ground. She was tired. Tired of everything. She was tired not just physically; but mentally as well. She knew that it was not Sooyeon's fault, yet she could not help but blame her for everything. Nevertheless, she was tired, and she needed a rest.