Damaged || Cody Simpson

9

"I don't want to go in." Cody snaps, leaning against the wall by the door. We were already late and Cody stressing is just making it worse. "Can't we just.. Go home and watch a movie or something?" He plea's.

"Why are you panicking so much?" I laugh, grabbing his hand to pull him back. "Cody, it's only a party. You'll have fun, let's go." I sigh, attempting to get him through the door.

"I don't like people, Bella." Cody panics as he snaps his eyes shut and falls back against the wall. I felt my stomach tighten as I turned to face him, a look  of curiosity upon me. Maybe this is why he needs counselling. "Oh god, I thought I was over this!" He curses at himself as he slides down the wall, his knees up to his chest as he buries himself in them.

Instead of forcing him to come inside, I kneel in front of him and move his hands from his face. He looks like he's at risk of crying and we've only been here two minutes. "You thought you were over what?" I whisper when he looks up at me.

"This.. People, the fear of people judging me. I thought I was over it, but I'm not." He sighs, throwing his head back so it whacks against the wall.

"You've got anxiety?" I ask, completely unaware of it. He nods, slowly before shutting his eyes again, swallowing back his fear. "Cody, lots of people suffer from problems like that." I decide to add, sitting down completely in front of him.

"It's stupid." He mutters, refusing to look at me, so I make him do it myself by cupping his chin and lifting his head up. "Why do you think I'm always outside in school?" He sighs, softly biting his lip. "When I walk by people, I have these voices in my head and it's basically an inner critique. It just tells me that people are judging me all the time. I hate it, Bella."

My hand moves from his chin, over to his cheek as I caress it, softly. "I bet nobody even realises that you have it." I smile, hoping this advice would make him feel better. "Sometimes I don't understand." I sigh.

He places his hand against mine that's still on his cheek, sending unexpected jolts of butterflies raging in my stomach. "What don't you understand?" He asks, his voice sounding a lot more softening than it was two minutes ago.

"How did you manage to talk to me that one day, if you hate people so much?" I ask, my eyes meeting his in a strong connection.

Cody smiles, sliding his fingers in between mine from the back of my hand, which felt strange, but nice at the same time. "It took 10 seconds of insane bravery." He chuckles, lightly. "And, you had this look in your eye."

"What kind of look?" I ask.

"A look that the voices in my head weren't so afraid of." Cody admits, looking a little better in himself. I felt myself smile as I slowly shuffle closer towards him.

I had this horrible feeling in my gut, a feeling that I couldn't deny any longer. I had a crush on this boy sitting right in front of me, and I have done for a long time. But something about.. This, it feels so wrong. I feel as though, if we started something, it would come crumbling down within a matter of days, destroying our friendship, too.

"Bella, you're here!" Ryan smiles, interrupting mine and Codys conversation. In his defence, I don't think he realised how serious this conversation was since he was looking down at his phone with his right hand, a drink in his left. "Hi, Cody!" He beams.

"Hi." Cody mutters, letting go of my hand, but still not looking at Ryan.

"Are you guys coming inside? we're playing spin the bottle." Ryan says. I only give him a small nod before looking back at Cody who still doesn't look himself. "I feel like I've interrupted something.. Bella, can we talk later?" Ryan asks, quickly.