The Heart That No Longer Beats For You

Maybe Just Maybe

Episode 2: Maybe it's time to let you go

"Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday dear Timmy" everyone sang with a smile plastered in their faces, followed by a round of applause. He's wearing a color black tux with red shirt in it, his tie was a bit loose, I can tell how hard must have been for him to be so formal for quite this long. Thinking about this made me laugh a little bit giving him a smile so naturally. Sourly I thought to myself must be nice to finally smile once again, you know just smile like it's the most natural thing to do, smile like yes finally I made it out. While I was lost in my thoughts I saw him looking at my direction. Would you look at that amidst the crowd I can still see his eyes were looking straight to mine. How long has it been 2?3?or maybe 4 years? Since I last visited him in his birthday. I give him one more glance smiled, then took the glass of wine in my hand, raising it, as if giving him a toast, and made my way outside.

I'm wearing a red dress that fits my slender body giving emphasize on my curves, it's a tube style giving a sight with in my cleavage, my hair carefully curled like a Barbie kind of hairdo since that gives my neck a nice view down to this diamond necklace I'm wearing given by the jerkin the party I'm now in the thought of it made me smile, I'm wearing light make up that complements my dress and the color of my hair. I'm in the pool as stare at my complexion I really look stunning, pretty much like a Barbie. Barbie??huh maybe because I looked like that Barbie doll that I was made into a plaything a toy. Thinking about it made my heart ache once more. I turned my back against the pool and walked to sit in the bench and stared at the moon the stars look marvelous their shining so bright making me feel relaxed as I stare at them.

"So what's the busiest person in the whole world could be doing and staring at the night sky"

"And what could the mighty jerk be doing here instead of paying some respect to his elders in his very own birthday party if I may ask?"

I looked at Timmy he was smiling he just wearing his red sleeves no tux no tie, oh let's not forget the messy hair but he's wearing the sweetest smile that reach up to his eyes seeing him so made me smile in response.

"So ??" as he took a sit beside me

"So what??" I asked with a pinch of annoyance

"So how are you? it's been a while since I last saw you more or less in my birthday celebration."

"I'm fine??" my response came out like a question making him have this sour face and raise his eyebrow and stare at me

"I mean I'm fine, so far I guess, but I'm managing it, I'm doing fine that at least I could give you" I assured him

He just shrugs his shoulders and then laid in my lap.

"You know its rude to just do something without a permission from a lady"

I playfully said with a smile but I got no response he was staring at me intently I avoided eye contact but I could still feel that he's staring directly at me, like he's reading me like an open book.

"You know you don't deserve this right?"

Timmy said with calmness and gentleness in his voice it's so reassuring I almost think it wasn't from him.

"I know"

"Ash, you should know your worth you can't just keep on crying in the dark while that piece of shit is having the best time of his life you know. Seriously, there are tons of guys who would die just to be with you and here you are looking like a fish that didn't get to swim and almost die. Ash a girl needs someone who can appreciate her, value her make her feel that she's the best even though she isn't. And you deserve a guy like that you need someone to hold your hand and say you're the prettiest even though you look like a panda already with bags under your eyes. A guy who would kill anyone who makes you cry, someone who know the value your tears."

As soon as he finished talking I can feel my tears flowing how could he be so mature. How long has it been since I last felt this secure like someone actually saw how I was feeling Timmy stood up and hugged me I cried in is shoulders it was like the burden was somehow lessen.

"I'm so tired Tim, every day, every second of my existence my heart aches, whenever I see him smiling whenever I see him so happy with her it kills me it hurt so much. My hearts being ripped a part it's like remember how we felt when mom died and then we blamed ourselves for it Tim it's like the pain was 10 times painful. I can barely eat and sleep I keep on asking why? Where the hell did I go wrong? Tim it hurts so much I keep on wishing to die"

In the silence of the night we hugged each other getting strength from the tight embrace, reassuring ourselves that were not alone that the pain would soon go away

Tim broke the momentum

"You need to let go not because you want to but because you have to."

I stared directly into his eyes and finally made up my mind found my voice to speak up.

'Moving on is not the hardest part Tim, it's the fact that you keep asking yourself where in the world have you gone wrong? "

"Why would you be sad you lost someone who doesn't love you and can't be with you, he lost someone who loved him, someone who accept him from his worst.

That's not something you should grieve on"

Hearing these words from him made me

smile and made me realize it's time to let him go

not because I don't love him anymore

but because I choose to live.

I choose to be with the people who loves me

I looked up the sky silently saying

"Baby I'm finally letting you go"

"I'll be fine maybe not today maybe not tomorrow or the days after that but surely someday I will."