Ashton's Secret

1. Matthew Curny

You have one new message!

I've been staring at the notification pop-up for about forty five minutes now and I can almost feel the frustration of my boyfriend through the tiny screen of my phone.

I know he's probably pissed right now.

I've been ignoring his calls and his texts and not just today - it's been a week.

A week since I last spoke to my boyfriend.

A week since we had that stupid fight that we always end up having.

And a week since almost getting caught.

I figured the best I could do was avoid him, the label wouldn't be happy if they found out I was dating a dude. Especially after all the rumors and after the fans shipping the guys in the band.

If I'm being honest, I'm a Mashton kind of guy, but I don't mean Michael Clifford.

I mean the only guy I've been in love with since junior year.

Matthew Curny.

I've been with Matthew for three years now and we managed to get through these three years unnoticed.

My bestfriends don't know about him and neither does the label and I plan to keep it that way.

I was originally planning to come out of the closet in my senior year, but then my career started picking up and the plans changed. Matthew wasn't too happy about that, we had arguments here and there but it wasn't as bad back then. Not as bad as now - so we eventually got over it and made up. But now we're nearly four years and this last fight was the worst. I think Matthew even started thinking about ending it but I really hope not. Even if I'm starting to feel like it's the best option for us now.

Matt and I never used to fight at all. We used to be really happy in the beginning and I guess that was the 'in love' phase, but still, it was nothing like what it is now.

My career and the label are really getting in the way of my happiness with Matthew; it's really getting in the way of Matthew's happiness too. And I'm not sure I can live with that anymore. I'm sick of seeing my boyfriend cry or getting into huge arguments with him. We don't deserve this and he doesn't deserve this. My career is great and the future for my band is great, we're going to new places and meeting new people.

So right now the only problem I have is my boyfriend.

I love him and I don't want to hurt him - But I can't be with him so how do I let him down easy? How do I even let somebody I love down in the first place?

"You good to go?" Michael asks walking into the dressing room after our show in Brisbane where we were finishing up the second to last show of our second headline tour in Australia.

I nod my head and follow him out of the dressing room to where my other band mates and best friends Luke and Calum were fooling around.

Ignoring the fact that I had a message to respond to, and shoving my phone into my pocket.

"You okay man?" Michael asks as we were walking out to the mini van which has been our regular mode of transport.

"Yeah," I say, hoping I sounded convincing enough.

Michael nods his head and jumps in the van where the other two boys were now discussing my lack of interest in chocolate milk, which is obviously a lie since I basically live off of it.

Although, no matter how much I want to join the conversation because it's obvious they're trying to include me and get me to interact with them, my mood is honestly enough to prevent me from doing so.