Updates and Stuff

Finally Figured it Out

It's been a while and I've done a lot of thinking over this month and I'm pretty sure I've finally figured out my gender as well as future plans with transitioning.

So, I'm Agenderflux, which means that I'm completely Agender, but I fluctuate between feelings of masculinity and femininity without being male and female.

I can't explain how nice it is to finally know what your identity is. It's just a great sense of knowing yourself and feeling comfortable with yourself.

And as far as transitioning goes, I'm still considering permanent methods like hormones or surgeries, but I'm certain that I want to get my hair cut shorter than it is now, get a binder, legally change my name, and to deepen my voice a little. My hair is already short, it's like at my shoulders in a bob and I've already owned male clothes for a few months now. And all throughout this school year I've been using the name I go by now, Jamie and They/Them pronouns. And I have been able to deepen my voice a lot, but I still talk with my normal voice which has barely deepened at all. I can speak in a lower voice, but I kinda choose not to because I'm not out to anyone in my family and I'm afraid they'll raise suspicions.

My next steps are to get a binder which I already have enough money for and a great source of where I'm buying, but I still need (and want) to work on being at a healthy weight and I need to measure myself. I'm probably at a healthy weight enough to wear a binder, but I still want to be better safe than sorry and for my own insecurities sake, I'm trying to get to a healthy looking body shape.

I've already started in the beginning of the school year with losing weight and I've lost a lot and earned a lot of muscle! But there's still work to be done!

As far as permanent methods go, I really am considering taking testosterone and top surgery is still in question, but nothing like that is going to happen anytime soon.

My latest problem now is that I'm not out to my family. I'm out to friends, and teachers all respect me without me totally explaining everything, but my I'm halfway out to my mom. My mom knows about how I want to cut my hair short and she's bought male clothing with me. She knows I'm somewhat trans, as I've said it before, and she knows I want to buy something but that I might not be able to fit into it yet. But I do plan to come out soon because I plan to write a letter explaining about my gender and transitioning and other things.

That's all for now cause I wanted to write this out. Also... I have 4 days of school left :D