Project Iphigenia (Bellarke)

Chapter 35

14 Years after Start of Program

Clarke woke up with a start. She blinked at the dimmed lights of her bedroom for a moment, yawning in slight confusion and turned over to stare at the light of her clock blinking back at her. As the previous day's events tumbled back to her, she sat up, pulling her fingers through her hair. Her fingers patted around the bed for something to slip over her naked body and found Bellamy's shirt. She turned over to see Bellamy already up.

"Hey, we fell asleep...it's late." She said, laughing a bit. They'd been up talking and well, doing other things. She didn't think her parents would care all too much. She was very much an adult at this stage and they weren't in the habit of lecturing her much anymore. They had their own problems to worry about. Plus, it was Bell. It wasn't like it was some deviant boy sneaking into their daughter's bedroom. Hell, he could probably sleep here and they wouldn't care.

She stretched languidly, thinking that was one of the best naps she'd had in forever, until she realized Bellamy was staring at the wall...silent, unmoving. She scooted down the bed until she sat next to him, watching his eyes. They were just so numbed, his gaze never leaving the wall straight in front of him. Clarke didn't have to ask what he was thinking about, she had a good guess. Killing anyone, even someone who deserved it, couldn't be an easy thing to reconcile with. Especially not someone who he had considered a best friend.

In the months following the attack, Bellamy had been tight lipped about it all after admitted to Clarke that Ana wasn't already dead when he arrived, that he'd killed her. When Clarke tried to ask again, Bellamy had just shut down. So Clarke hadn't asked.

In all ways, he seemed fine at work. He was flourishing with his new responsibilities and even more determined to produce a generation of new, loyal guards men. He joked and laughed and was back to the smooth Bellamy Blake she knew and loved. But there were always bags under his eyes, and until now she had only theorized why.

"Bell?" She whispered quietly, trying to revive him from his state. He hardly answered.

She went and gently slipped her hand into his, and then mindfully pressed their wrists together. It was so much more than a simple touch; where their wrists pressed together like this was where Clarke had made their tattoos so that it brushed, like this.

Bellamy seemed to acknowledge this motion, and he stared at Clarke as though he just realized that she had sat by him.

"How long was I..." he asked softly, shaking his head.

"Dunno, I woke up and found you like this." She said, "Is this what happens when you try to sleep?"

"Yeah." He finally admitted, shoulders sagging and breath defeated, "I'll never be able to put to rest if what I did was...right." His voice broke a tiny bit. Bellamy's whole life, for the most part, was strictly guided by right and wrong. To be in such a gray area was killing him.

She knew it had been a tough blow, finding Ana a betrayer. He felt it so personally, like he felt everything. Clarke had been hurt too, but it had been easy to morph her face into a monster when she thought of Monroe. Bellamy had never been good at compartmentalizing, especially not now.

"There never will be a sufficient answer," Clarke decided to answer him honestly. This seemed to surprise him a bit. She hadn't said her opinion on it, and even now she wasn't sure if it's what she would have done or what she would have agreed to. But it had happened...they had to live with it all now.

"You see, people, if they knew, they'll twist it every which way. She was a murderer, she was a human being, you're a hero, and you're a killer..." Clarke watched his mouth press into a thin line. Clearly, nothing he hadn't thought of before, "What matters is the facts. Ana was conspiring to hurt us. She intentionally put the bomb knowing it would harm, even kill, people. She tried to kill Raven and Al. She might have believed in the cause wholeheartedly, and so ergo she thought it was right. Most people will think her actions are wrong. We can't let these things define us all the time, otherwise we'd go mad." Clarke said in one big breath, "You killed Ana. She's dead, she's gone, and you can't take it back."