Ever since my older brothers have left, I've felt alone. I haven't had anyone by my side to comfort me. I just need someone to tell me everything's going to be okay. Someone to trust and stay loyal to. I just want someone to turn to in times of need.
I want someone to understand me. So I can talk about this kind of stuff with them.
You know?
I'm still learning how to stay strong, even with my heavy doubt. But I want to be strong for my little brother, Coop. I want him to look up to me as a good older brother. Not just someone who left him in the dust. Memories are important the most, and I want to make sure Cooper remembers me with cherished memories.
For my father, I want to make proud. My father is one of the strongest men I know. His dad committed suicide when he was seven. He never got to live a perfect life with him. Even in his sorrow, he stayed strong. Which I admired the most about him, he never failed to smile and laugh on his own.
He also told me stories of his so called "amazing father and the best dad in the world." His dad obviously taught him how to play baseball, took him to baseball games, and even got him into basketball. They also built a tree house in their backyard together. He told me he never left that place only for school and food. He acted like he lived in that small box.
I'm afraid to tell others about how I feel. I'm afraid of judgment, and scaring them away. My father has talked to me many times about suicide but I still fail to tell him the truth. I don't know why, I'm just scared. My emotions hide deep inside my head and they won't come out. No matter how hard I try, I can't. I just can't.
For my mother who I also want to be strong for. Senior year is less than 3 months away. I want to show her I can be strong and graduate, make it through all four years of high school. I know I can do it, but I wouldn't be able to do it without my mother.
My mother is also one of the strongest people I know. She's been through many hard situations that I admire her for so much. I remember this one time she told me that she once jumped into a river to save her best friend. They were about ten years old when it happened and they were inseparable. Her best friend, Ginger fell over the ramp, into the freezing cold river. Ginger and her family couldn't be more grateful.
And they still talk today. They're still best friends. Still love each other. Still would risk their lives for each other. Those are one of the many things I inspire about my mother. Courage like that is the courage that I strive to have in order to save my best friend.
Then there's my oldest brother, Justin. He's twenty three and I've always looked up to him. He's the brother everyone loves. He's the nicest and caring brother, but he's the one that's always gone. There are sometimes in the summer where he's here for about a month and that's kind of it. Him and Cooper basically get a long the most. Since Justin was never really here for any of Cooper's ten years of living, he decided to make up for it. Now they're closer than any of us siblings.
Now Jackson. Jackson is nineteen and left for college about a year ago. Him and I got a long pretty well. We bonded over basketball, shoes, hair, etc,. Mom always got annoyed with Jackson's beard that he grew out. He was about sixteen when he started getting facial hair and he was obsessed with it ever since. He barely shaved and mom would always make him shave his beard off when it got too long. Then he turned eighteen and was allowed to make his own decisions. And he never shaved.
Lastly, my youngest brother Cooper. Everyone in our family was jealous because he was the only one with freckles on his cheeks. My ex girlfriend loved him for it. She would always mention it whenever he was around. Which of course made me jealous. Anyways, Coop and I got a long as well as Jackson and I did. I would sometimes invite him on dates with my friends or girlfriends to make him feel welcome. Or I'd play video games with him on Saturdays when we had nothing to do. Coop's a good little brother to have. I'm grateful.
Enough about my family, it's time that I've explained a bit more about myself.
To start off my family lives in Temple, Texas. I've lived in Texas my whole life and I've never been anywhere else. I want to experience the rest of the world though. Wouldn't it be cool to visit other states or be out of the country? That's always been one of my biggest dreams. I just want to explore the world and escape from all my troubles. Just embrace everything and take it all in.
I'm seventeen and almost graduated high school so I'll be able to be free hopefully by then.
I'm trying my best. And here I am, living a normal life. It's easy for people to say there's nothing wrong, but sometimes I fake a perfect life. And I can go as a long as forever.
Hello! Thank you for reading the first chapter of In My Veins. I'm very excited to see where this story goes and make sure to vote, comment, share! I'm Emma by the way😌
