in your arms

o n e

riley's pov

shit.

just shit.

that's all i have to say.

my usual well worded, wisdom filled sentences are clogged up at the back of my throat and all that i can say is one word, which is shit.

becuase this situation is shit.

this is all shit.

in this exact moment of time, my head is overflowing with thoughts and yet— i can't focus on any of them. i can barely figure out what they are. they're running around my head so fast i can't co-operate with them.

but i guess; i've always wanted kids. especially a baby. they're so cute, and little and tiny and all they do is eat sleep and cry, so how hard can they be, anyway? plus, the idea of being in charge of an actual human being is both exciting and terrifying.

but i'm not sure this is the time to be thinking of that. this possibly won't work out that well. at all.

i stand up, take a deep breath, and throw the pregnancy test in the bin. fuck the test.

i love passing tests.

that was an exception.

~~~~~

i met james in the 6th grade — he was tall, goofy and had braces with blue brackets. he always laughed at everything, and joked when no one really cared, and he always cheered anyone up no matter who you were — if you were upset, he'd help. even if he didn't know you.

thats probably why i fell in love with him — you know, other than the fact he was the most beautiful boy i'd ever seen. he stole my 11 year old heart.

he liked me — i'm not sure if he liked me more than a friend, though. he was my best friend. when we started high school things were a little different — he got in with a different crowd and i lost touch, pretty much.

then he asked me out. out of the blue. just came up to me casually.

i was shocked, to say at the least.

but when life hands you a cute boy with dimples and a perfect smile — you make a boyfriend.

we dated for years. three, acctually. but we broke up 6 months ago. i guess we were just too different— we fought a lot. it wasnt working. so we broke it off, 'took a break', to 'see other people'. that was good. that went well.

until that night, i came home, stumbled into my house (empty, parents weren't home luckily) with him by my side. i was drunk, he was probably even more hammered — if possible.

i don't remember much more other than that i woke up in bed, next to him. it wasn't hard to put the pieces together. i didn't think too much of it at the time — surely if we were drunk it doesn't mean anything?

well, it means quite a bit now. now that i'm carrying my ex boyfriends baby. this can't be good...

~~~~~

starting this new book, becuase i've lost interest in my last one... sorry! i hope you'd like this, anyway. votes and comments appreciated!! i'll update when i get at least 10 votes :)