Dancing with Danger

CHAPTER FIVE: It's okay

Chapter Five: It's okay

When I was five, I was a little stupid. I was standing in front of a medium sized stand fan and I was just staring at it. Nobody was watching me, my sister who was two years my senior was on the phone. Come to think of it, who would a seven year old call? But of course, at the time, I didn't care. All I cared about was the fan in front of me. It wasn't moving its head, it was steady. I had to know if it was turned on or not. I knew ways on how to know. I mean, I was standing in front of the whole thing. Of course, I could feel the wind brushing through my face but that wasn't enough. I could have looked at the buttons to see if any number was pressed, but nope, not that either. What I did was I put a finger into the fan itself and it cut my finger.

I didn't cry. Calmly, I walked up to my sister as she talked to whoever that was on the phone and without a word, I held out my finger that was bleeding profusely. Her small eyes widened and she shouted for my mom. Unconvinced by my sister's worried call out, she calmly walked down the staircase.

"Yes?" she asked, peeking through since our staircase was half a spiral.

I calmly walked up to my mom and held out my bleeding finger as it dropped a blood stain on the floor when I stood there. My mom gasped and ran down to bring me to the kitchen. I remember her cleaning my finger through the cold water and I started to cry when she started panicking. She was asking me what happened and I couldn't talk in between my gasps for air and snot. It doesn't take a twelve year old to know that what I did was pure stupidity for the sake of satisfying my curiosity.

This was not satisfying my curiosity. Sure, I was curious on what it would feel like to kiss Julia but more than that, I had wanted to for quite sometime. There were moments when I found myself staring at her small pale pink lips as she spoke but she never noticed because she always looked somewhere else when she spoke. It wasn't the spur of the moment kind of thing, I just decided to jump the gun.

It was the silence, her smile, the way she switched the weight off of both her legs because we were standing way too long outside the classrooms, the way she brushed off the fact that I indirectly asked her to choose me instead despite that we've gone past that conversation and most of all, it's my desire of her almost exploding inside of me.

"Pfft, you didn't choose me either!" Julia's face had a smile and a pout at the same time. When you start to like a girl so much, whatever face she made looked absolutely adorable and you don't know anymore if her face was really pretty at the time if you were someone looking at her from a third person's point of view.

All I saw was her beauty and that included the cute bite onto her lower lip she made after she spoke with her eyes narrowed. I knew she didn't mean it to look seductive, not that she succeeded but she only looked like a trying-to-be-mad five year old girl. First thought out of my head was to kiss her, because I have wanted to for so long.

I took her face with both my hands, which were large enough that I could have held her entire face but I only held her jaw, slightly pulling onto them with caution. And that was it, before I knew it, I was kissing her. It probably wasn't as pretty as I thought it would be considering how stoic and frozen she was. I could only taste the hint of watermelon candy on her lips, it probably was her lip gloss. It must be her lip gloss. I remember how she showed it to me and let me smell the scent off of her lip gloss.

"It also tastes this way!" she said, delighted. Her eyes were all lit up with the thought that she could eat off of her lips.

Her lips did not move but it was open, most likely, out of shock. I've kissed girls before, I actually lost count but Julia was the first kiss I have ever had who didn't kiss me back.