A Part of Me

Apologies

" I don't know what you're gonna do about this whole situation but you cannot continue to mope around the house, your negative energy is affecting all of us here. Your daughter is concerned about you ! What are you going to do about this Kerry ann ? Because I don't know how much longer I can sit around and pretend like everything is okay. I've done it for too long to keep this family together but it's because more and more clear to me that I'm the only one trying. " I stood there with my arms folded across my chests as I watched Kerry mope for a month now, every since that day Justine came knocking at my door our whole life made a turn for the worse. It was very clear to me that Justine was the one that Kerry truly wanted to be with, she had told me about Justine 2 years ago but I fought for my family , I wouldn't have it any other way. There was no way I was about to allow Kerry to just walk out of my life , we have a daughter together we are married for Christ sake.

" I'm sorry Alex , I just don't think I can do this anymore. I didn't mean for things to be this way , I didn't know that I would fall in love with Justine I didn't think things would go this far. " I listened closely as my wife plead her love for another woman. When Kerry had first told me about Justine I was heart broken , devastated but she told me it was only a fling. She had known Justine from childhood and they had grown very close. I didn't think much of it just a few childhood friends hanging out , but little did I know the whole entire time even before me her and Justine had been together for 5 years. Kerry was ready to leave me to be with Justine for good , she had made arrangements to have joint custody of our 3 year old daughter Josephine and I wouldn't have it. I gave her an ultimatum; Divorce me and she would never see Josephine again or stay and make it work for our child. She decided to stay and ever since that day I've hated myself for trying to make her choose. Things were fine in the first year but I could tell she was drifting away from me more and more. It became pretty obvious she was only around for Josephine.

" I won't hold on to you any longer Kerry ann , you've made your choice and you've made it a long time ago. I was being a selfish lover by forcing you to stay because of our daughter but I can no longer stay in a loveless marriage , a guilt driven marriage; I refuse to. If it's your choice to leave then that's your decision, I will not hold anything against you especially not our child. I could feel that you aren't here with me anymore , every time we make love , every time we're in bed. I can hear the emptiness of the I love you , in your voice. I can see you are suffering. If you want to be with Justine than I will no longer hold you back. "

Kerry stood up and walked towards me. " I am so sorry Alex , I don't know what I've gotten myself into. I don't know how I could have possible thought I could lead this double life and it would catch up to me. I didn't mean to hurt you or Josephine , you guys are my family I love you. "

She paused and a tear trickled down her cheek; I wiped it away with my finger. " I don't know what to do anymore Alex , I really didn't know what I was doing but I'll do everything in my power to fix this between the both of you. I don't want Josephine to doubt the love that I have for her because me and you won't be together anymore. She's only 3 so she won't understand just yet but I won't be out of my daughters life no matter where I go or whom I'm with. "

I fought back the tears , I wasn't mad at Kerry I just couldn't be. I practically forced her to stay knowing deep down inside she didn't want to. I desperately thought things would get better , that she would fall back in love with me and realize that here is where she belonged but after 2 years all I could see was how deeply she longed to be elsewhere , I felt her drifting away slowly until she was completely gone.

" I'll pack some of my belongings and stay at a hotel tonight, I'll be back later on to tuck Josephine in bed. " she walked towards the closet and began taking some clothes out for her stay away.

" That's fine , hey listen I don't hate you and I'm sorry I used Joe against you. " She looked back at me and forced a smile , I could tell it was just too much for her at the time, so I proceeded out the bedroom to check on our daughter.