Death's Exception

Chapter Thirty-Three

Titus and I jump into the car. I sit in the driver's seat, and put on my seat belt. It is about a three hour drive back to the CSI lab. Titus pulls out his tablet, and starts to work on something unknown to me. I start to drive, and pull my left knee up to my chin while I do so. Titus keeps glancing over at me with a worried look, but I pretend not to notice. The plan keeps circling my brain, and all I can do is pray it works. I do not know who I am praying to at this point, but I can only hoping that Someone is listening.

I am to take one of the back roads instead of the main one to get to CSI, which will lead us to a back door that only opens to people high enough on the business ladder to know the code. Sarah said that since Titus had left, Dr. Finley changed the code, but she knows it. So she will let us in, and we are to sneak up a stairway to the cryonic patients, where we will get them, and rush them to a nearby hospital. Titus says that he doesn't know the code to open the door to the room holding the cryonic patients, and neither does Sarah. So, they are trusting me to figure it out.

Dr. Finley wants us to get in there. Otherwise, he wouldn't have prompted me the way he did. So I know he must have given me the password at some point. I have gone over our conversation over and over, but I haven't a clue. I try to calm my nerves, but each breath I take seems to get more difficult.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Titus rubs the back of my neck. I don't take my eyes off of the road, but I lean my head against his arm.

"I am just worried that I am dragging you into a trap." Titus takes his hand from my neck.

"You most definitely are. But it isn't me who you should be worried about." I frown. He is right. He is just a pawn in Dr. Finley's game, when I am the Queen. If he manipulates me just the right way, I will fall first. Checkmate.

"You are expendable to Dr. Finley. He wouldn't dare kill me, but you-" He shakes his head.

"I am not allowed to die. Someone needs me here. Alive." I sigh, realizing that Titus did not want to play with the ideas of either one of us dying.

"You certainly aren't allowed to die." I comply to his joke. Sometimes jokes are the only thing that can keep your heart warm. He smiles, and goes back to his tablet.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my eyes flashing between the road and his tablet. Titus looks up at me.

"Just- some equations." He quickly looks back down at his tablet.

"You are a terrible liar." I say plainly. He sighs.

"Nothing. It doesn't apply. Just sciency stuff. You know me." I raise my eyebrow, and glare at him. He breaks under my gaze. "Fine. I am just looking for a cure for the damage in your brain." It hits me like a tidal wave. He hadn't completely disregarded it. Rather, he was searching diligently for the solution. My stomach twists at the idea of him not being able to find a cure, and blaming himself when I die.

"I am going to die eventually." I say harshly. I just want him to stop. I don't want him to try.

"You are going to live a long, happy life with me, Rory Destiel." I furrow my brow, getting frustrated with him.

"You need to accept the truth eventually." We are both silent after that. I can feel the heaviness between us. I can feel his sadness, and helplessness rubbing off on me. I try to fight tears as I imagine him watching me die. As I imagine him living in a world that moves on without me, again. I imagine becoming a faded memory in his brain as he finds another lover. I become angry at myself for not minimizing the pain I would be leaving behind. I see him staring at me out of the corner of my eye, but I don't dare look at him. It hurts to see him hold on to me so, when I can already predict the sadness and wretchedness of him after my death.

"I can't accept that, Rory." He mumbles, and looks down at his tablet. A tear races down my cheek. I see the tears in Titus' eyes that he is fighting away.

It is at this point that I realize whether I am a monster or not, no matter what I do, I cannot help but hurt someone. That someone being the only person on this earth that means the most to me.

I can feel the anger burning at my chest. If I had just not been messed with, Titus would be happy. If I had just stayed dead like I was supposed to be, he would still be working and he would still have that boyish glee in his eyes. He would still have his sister. He would have never been thrown out by his parents. And it makes me hate Dr. Finley. But it makes me hate myself so much more.

We are silent for the next hour and a half, and I drive. I push everything out of my mind, in fear that it would make me hate everyone around me again. Instead I focus my mind on the March scenery around me. The world is starting to accept the idea of changing seasons. The beginning of spring is like seeing rays of sunshine in a dark forrest. You catch glimpses of beauty here and there, and you know that you are almost out of the darkness. You see glimpses in the greener grass, the little wild flowers, and the budding trees. You see it in the bluer sky, the longer days, and the warm sunshine. It is like a sunrise.

Titus grabs my arm once we get to an intersection, one of the roads thinning and winding up the mountain.

"Turn here." His voice is hoarse, and it startles me. Usually his voice is smooth and hopeful. Now it seems helpless and weary. I look over at him with big eyes, and I realize he has been crying.

"Titus-?"

"Just drive."