⊰Room Service⊱

~3~

when Eddie came back to the room, i stood up quickly.

❝hi.❞ he says, smiling at me as though i'm a piece of meat.
❝Eddie...❞ i say, my face expressionless.

❝you was a good kitten last night... until you choked and passed out.❞ something snapped behind his eyes and i let out a jagged breath.

❝i didn't... i didn't like it.❞

❝you don't like making people happy? that's pretty selfish, cupcake.❞
❝i meant, i didn't like being... being raped.❞

❝raped? nobody raped you, tyler.❞ he started to walk closer to me.❝if you think for a single second that you call call this rape, you have another thing coming for you, you selfish little-❞

the phone ringing. he inhales deeply through his nose before rolling his eyes crossly and walking over to the phone. he clears his throat and puts on his best phone voice.

❝hello, Eddie speaking.❞ he says, in a smiley voice, but his eyes started to burn. ❝no, he's not here right now. who is this and what's the message?❞

he glared up at me and i cowered away.

josh, for heavens sake.

i back up against the wall and busy myself with my hands. i then look up to see eddie smiling. ❝how... tragic. i'll tell him gently.❞ he hangs up the phone and turns to me.

❝your mom died.❞ he says, subtly, and turns the tv on as he throws himself down on the bed. it groans under his weight and my blood freezes in my veins.

❝m-m-mama?❞ i stutter, choking on the sobs rising up my throat. i start to shake my head. ❝n-no, i w-want her, i want m-mama c-cuddles.❞ i start sobbing helplessly.

❝for f***sake, shut up you crybaby.❞

❝i - i want m-mama. d-don't let h-her be g-gone.❞ i try to snuggle into him, but he shoves me away and i fall against the wall, hitting my head. hard. ❝i'm going to get a drink. i'll be back tomorrow, don't wait up.❞

and then the door slams and i am alone.

~
the walls are closing in on me and i can't breathe, i'm panting hard. i'm sweating. i kick the blankets off the bed and cuddle the pillow harder. i can't go on, i can't go on. i can't breathe. i unpop the buttons on my dungarees and pull my shorts off. i can then remove my shirt and i lay there, naked and sobbing, yet i still feel like i'm being suffocated.

i start screaming. i scream and scream until my throat is raw. the door bursts open, but my eyes are still closed and i continue to scream. the cuts on my wrists and thighs start to throb and i scream louder.

❝tyler, tyler! i've got you, sweetie. don't cry.❞

❝MAMA! I WANT MY MAMA PLEASE.❞ i start kicking, but the hands grab my ankles and stop
me from kicking him. i wrap my arms and legs around the cushion and start biting it angrily, screaming into it.

❝tyler, it's alright. calm down, it's alright.❞ a soft voice says and my screams turn to muffled whimpers.

when i wake up, i see joshua lying beside me.
❝Tyler! How are you?❞ He says, and my stomach flips.

❝You remembered my name?❞

He looks confused. ❝why wouldn't' I?❞

❝My boyfriend doesn't...❞

❝he's no good, tyler... are you alright?❞

i just blink at him. what exactly is alright ?

i look around the room, my jittering leg making the mattress shake. i stare at it, trying to make my brain shake in the same way. my eyes trail to my scars, and then- where are my clothes?!

❝oh, josh... i'm sorry.❞ i say, cupping my hand over my prince parts.
❝don't worry about it, tyler. i've had many anxiety attacks also... do you want to talk about it?❞ he whispers softly and i turn on my side to face him, quickly putting a pillow between my legs to make myself seem slightly modest.

❝my-❞ i take a deep breath. ❝my m-mama died.❞

❝oh, tyler. i'm so sorry... ❞