"No. No, you're wrong. You're lying. She's fine. She's just got the flu. Or a cold. She doesn't have...she can't have..." I trailed off, looking down at my perfect daughter who was still sleeping in my arms. "She can't..."
"I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you better news." Dr White told us, leaning forward a little.
"So...what does this mean?" Connor seemed strangely calm and I glanced over to see his face completely emotionless.
"Connor, our daughter is dying! That's what it means!" I hissed at him. By some miracle, Allison hadn't woken and I didn't intend to wake her right now either. "What did you think it meant?"
"I meant what do we do now? How do we cure her?"
"I'll need to perform some more tests on her to determine what stage the tumour is at and what course of treatment would be best."
"What sort of tests?" I couldn't understand why Connor sounded so calm about all this. Why wasn't he having an internal meltdown like I was? I was speechless as I listened to him talk calmly and quietly to the doctor.
"Well, firstly, I want to do an MRI and CAT scan to get a good look at it. From there, I'll do a biopsy, and if I need to, a lumbar puncture."
"And how long will that take?"
"We can book her in for the MRI and CAT scan today, so hopefully they can be done within the next week and the results should get back a couple of days after that. Then we'll re-evaluate and go from there."
"Okay..." I lost it then.
"Why is this okay? You're sitting here, discussing this like it's a business sale! Connor, this is our daughter you're talking about! The one we fought so hard to get in the first place! How can you just be okay with this? She's dying. She could have been sick for so long and we never noticed...oh god..." My eyes went wide. "We should have had her headache checked out earlier. We should have done something. Something more. Maybe if we..."
"Troye!" I hadn't noticed that Dr White had taken Allison from me until Connor grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me a little to stop my hysterical ranting. "Troye, I'm just as upset and worried and freaked out about all this as you. But we're not going to be any good to her if we both panic like that."
"Oh..." I let him hug me tightly and buried my face in his shirt as I sobbed, my fists clenched tightly around the fabric.
"It's okay. It's going to be okay. She has to be. She fought so hard to find us, just like we fought for her. Nothing can take her from us."
"She's our little girl." I wailed, my knees feeling weak and when they gave out, it was so sudden that Connor didn't realise in time to catch me so I ended up kneeling in front of him for a split second until he collapsed too, his own tears starting to fall. We held each other tightly and sobbed until a single voice cut through to my ears.
"Daddy?" Allison had woken up and was confused as to why both her dads were crying on the floor. The realisation only made me want to cry more but I held myself together, understanding now that I had to be strong for her. So, I stood up, reaching for her. Dr White handed her to me and I hugged her tighter than I ever had before. "Daddy, why are you sad?"
"Because you're sick, baby. Dr White just told us what type of sick you have and it's made papa and I very sad." I told her and her face fell.
"M-my sore head?"
"Yeah. Dr White says we have to get some photos of the inside of your head so we can find out what's going on in there."
"How?"
"I've got a very cool robot that has special eyes that can see through heads and see what's inside." Dr White spoke up and I glanced over at him.
"A robot?" Allison asked, her eyes lighting up a little.
"Yeah. Your daddy and papa are going to take you to visit the robot in a few days."
"Yay!"
"It's very exciting. Now, would you like to go and play with the toys for a little while? I need to talk to your daddy and papa."
"Okay." A nurse that I hadn't noticed until now stepped forward to take Allison from me and I crouched down to where Connor was still sat on the floor and hugged him again. He looked up at me and I saw how broken he really was.
"We'll be okay." I promised him quietly, pressing my hands to his face. "We'll get through this. All three of us."
"You can't know that."
"Yes I can. Because you and I? We have so much love for each other and even more for Allison. I know that will help. She will be okay." I said firmly and something in my voice or my face must have gotten to him because he sniffed once more and then nodded, getting to his feet and turning to face Dr White.
"So what now?" He asked quietly and Dr White gestured for the both of us to sit down so we did, Connor clutching my hand between both of his.
"I understand that this is going t be a tough time for you. But my colleagues and I will be here for support the whole way through. If you have any questions, ask away because I want you to know exactly what's happening with Allison."
"I..." I had a million questions. I just couldn't voice them.
"It's okay. I know this is a whole lot to take in right now. I have all these pamphlets and brochures that you can read at home." Dr White passed us a thick folder that, when I opened, had what had to be thousands of pamphlets. "There are support groups for people just like you; families of children with cancer."
"Wh-what about us? I mean, our being married...?" I felt Connor's eyes on me as I asked and knew he had been thinking the same thing. Neither of us usually made much of an issue about being a part of the LGBT community but since we wanted to be able to focus on Allison, we wanted to be sure that we would be accepted.
"As you know, I specialise in families like yours; LGBT families, that is. With most of the support groups I've seen, the parents are more concerned about their child's health than being against the other parents. There are, however, a few that are designed specifically for families like yours, if you're really concerned."
"Thank-you." I mumbled, squeezing Connor's hand.
"Can we have some time to let everything sink in?" Connor asked.
"Of course. The only thing I ask is that you talk to the receptionist on your way out to book in the CAT scan and MRI. We really need to get them done as soon as possible."
"Okay." I nodded and stood up, pulling Connor with me. We both looked a little worse for wear with tear stains on our cheeks and glassy eyes but who could blame us? We'd just learnt that our little girl was dying.
