beach boy

one hundred thirty six

"i moved here from australia when i was 11 and when i was 15 - about a year ago, i came out to my parents - i told them i was gay,"

he said looking through his long eyelashes to see my reaction. i nodded for him to keep going

"they told me that they were going to disown me, and that i was going to burn in hell"

those words took a pang to my heart seeing a tear roll down troyes cheek as he wiped it was.

i gave him an encouraging smile

"they hated me so much, they stopped giving me food and my brother and sister didnt know what was going on with them or me - they didnt know,"

one day, my parents told me not to go to school and they locked my door from the outside and super glued the windows of my room shut.

it turns out my brother and sister skipped school that day and came home in the middle of the day, like they did sometimes. they would stay in their room quietly so our parents wouldnt know they were home and not at school. th-thats when, thats when,"

he started to cry

"you dont have to-"

"no i have to keep going,

i was laying on my bed and then i started to smell and see smoke coming in my room, and fire on the edges of my windows. i also smelt gasoline.

i broke my window by throwing my t.v. remote at it and i jumped two stories onto the sand. my leg hurt really bad after that, but i was fine. i ran to the front of my house, only to see my parents holding the jugs of gasoline... that's when i realized that they were trying to kill me.

i heard sage scream in the house, and both my parents ran inside to try to save her and tyde, but it was too late" i pulled him into a hug and held him tight.

"i was the only one that escaped, jake, and it should have been me! it should have been me that died! not them! it's my fault everyone died!" he yelled through choked sobs. i started crying a little myself.

"and i hate myself for it, none of this would have happened if i didnt tell my parents i was gay! none of this would have happened if i wasnt gay! i hate that i'm like this i hate that i'm alive. that's why ive been trying to kill myself, a-and now you know! i disgust even myself with my own presence sometimes"

i don't even know what to say

" but i wouldn't blame you if you hated me too because i know i'm disgusting, and i wouldn't blame you if you asked me to leave or to never see me again because i promise i will make that happen if you wanted it to" he sobbed

i could feel his tears on my skin and i could feel the way he felt, my heart was being ripped from my body and it pained me to hear him talk about himself this way

"please dont say that" i whispered in his ear as i hugged him tighter

"i promise you troye, i don't hate you i could never hate you, and i don't care if you're gay, and i love you the way you are. i love your smile and your curls... you should be a model because you're so so beautiful and you are so smart and you should never hate yourself or feel like you're alone because i'm always here for you! and one day you're gonna find someone who will love you for you and take care of you and you guys will make mac and cheese together and he's gonna love you for the way you are and-and"

"jake?"

"yeah?"

"never leave me?" he whispers softly in my ear

"never"