Stare Like You'll Stay [h.s.]

Prologue

WARNING: will include sexual content and sensitive subjects including self harm, mental disorders, and abuse.

I will be sure to state at the beginning of each chapter when one of these subjects is mentioned.

March 2017  - Rachel's P.O.V.

When things were uncomfortable, I picked at the skin outlining my finger nails. Sometimes, until they bled and were left so sore that not even Band Aids could mask the damage I had done. The picking, despite how gross some found it, calmed me, especially during awkward moments of silence like this.

For me, the anxiety of an awkward silence is so unbearable that I would rather find something to distract myself, even if it meant indulging in one of my worst habits.

Looking down at my lap, I realized that blood was slowly starting to seep out of my right thumb and the closest bandage I had was buried deep in the suitcase behind me. Letting out a deep sigh, I looked out the window as the palm trees swaying in the wind started to become silhouettes against the setting sun. I hated California more than most places. As a place I once used to visit frequently, the city felt more foreign to me than ever before. But at this point, most places did.

"Rach?" Jumping at the sound of his voice, my hazel eyes peered over at the driver's seat where Jeff Azoff sat, one hand comfortably on the wheel while the other rested on the armrest between us.

"Yeah?" My voice was breathy and quiet, having only spoken a few words since getting off the plane some time ago.

"Did you want to stop at the hotel now and drop off your stuff? We can just head to the house now too, it's up to you."

Jeff, a friend and confidant of mine for years, no longer spoke to me with that lively voice that used to crack jokes at inappropriate times. Instead, he speaks with caution, like he's afraid to speak too loudly or forcefully in worry that I will completely shatter and blow away in the wind.

Running my hand through my dark hair, I began to bite on the inside of my lip in indecision. A part of me just wanted to get this whole thing over with, but another side of me wanted to prolong it from happening as long as possible.

"Is the hotel first, okay? I want to get out of these airplane clothes." Jeff simply nodded at my response, signaling with his blinker to get into the next lane, taking the next exit to the hotel I would be staying at for some time.

"You know, you can always stay with me and Glenne, Rach. We have plenty of room for you and I think Glenne is excited she is going to see you around more."

"It's fine, Jeff. It's probably best if I stay at a hotel for now." I spoke softly, finding comfort in having my own space where I didn't have to walk on eggshells around anyone.

As Jeff pulled off the freeway, taking the exit towards the overpriced hotel I told him was unnecessary for me to stay at, his phone began to ring. Lighting up the dashboard of his over the top sports car was the name that still pained me to even read after all this time.

Biting too hard on the inside of my lip, the taste of metal filled my mouth as I returned my gaze to looking out the window, Jeff reaching into his pocket to answer the call.

Slightly muffled and almost inaudible, I could make out his voice on the other end of the call, a voice I only ever hear in my dreams or when I turned on the television. I could tell by the quickness in Jeff's voice that he was trying to finish the call as soon as possible.

"Yeah, I just got her from the airport.....mhm she seems fine, says she had a good flight....we are stopping by the hotel now and should be there soon....mhm yeah I will....bye."

I sucked in a deep breath as the phone called ended and silence began to fill the car again. Every once and awhile, I could feel Jeff's concerned gaze on me as I continued to stare out the window and pretend nothing was wrong.

"Rach, you don't have to do this. No one is forcing you to." Closing my eyes and swallowing hard, I simply nodded at Jeff, knowing his caring words meant well, but only seemed to cause my anxiety to increase.

'I-I know, it will be okay." Keeping my eyes closed and my head facing the window to my right, I fought back the moisture that was forming in my eyes knowing that what I was doing was foolish. 

His muffled voice moments ago was enough for me to get on the next flight home so the thought of seeing him face to face after everything that has happened caused a pit to form in my stomach.

Taking a deep breath, I returned to picking at the skin around my fingers to distract myself, reminding myself over and over again that I was okay. Even though, I stopped being okay long ago.

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Hey all, I hope you are all doing good! This is a brand new story I am really excited to share with you all. It's going to be pretty complex with a lot of twists and turns and will feature chapters that are flashbacks to moments that happened in the past. 

If you are expecting the traditional love story where they immediately get back together, get ready for something completely different. This story will be heartbreaking, uplifting, funny, and everything in between.

My goal is to try and get at least one chapter posted a week and right now, I have the first ten chapters mapped out and each one will flip flop between Harry's and Rachel's perspectives to help give each storyline some depth.

I have a Tumblr page where I encourage you all to reach to me to have a chat and everything else! It honestly hasn't been updated in ages and I am just getting back into the Tumblr and Wattpad game so be patient with me!

Bestieverharry.tumblr.com 

Thanks for reading and please leave comments, predictions, and more! 

xx

Birdy