Stare Like You'll Stay [h.s.]

Chapter 7: And he's lost faith he'll ever see again

Present - April 2017 - England - Harry's POV 

"'m worried 'bout 'er, Harry." Mum's voice murmured next to me as we both stood in the kitchen, sipping our hot mugs of tea as we stared out the window at Rach and Jeff who were deep in conversation about something.

After what happened in Rachel's hotel room, we haven't spoken. She won't even look my way when I try and speak to her. The bags under her eyes are darker than ever before and there is no spark, no light when I look at her eyes.

"Me too, mum. I'm startin' to think hirin' her was a bad idea." A sour taste formed in my mouth at the thought that I could actually be making things worse for her which was never my intention.

If the roles were reversed and she was to have treated me the way I treated her, there's no way I could ever forgive her or even want to see her. It was selfish of me to assume that she would be fine and that things could go back to normal.

"I think s'good she's 'ere, we can watch over 'er. She seemed to be doin' better a few months ago, still wouldn't open much though." Mum's voice was soft and gentle, but for whatever reason, the thought of Rach and my mom getting together without me there didn't sit well. I opened my mouth to say something, but my mum, being my mum, knew exactly what I was going to say before a word left my mouth.

"She doesn't really have a family, love. You know that. Although things didn't end well between ya, she's still family and after everythin', it was good to see 'er and be able to check up on 'er. She was cooped up in that flat of hers for far too long before I reached out."

Sighing, all I could do was nod as my mind wandered for reasons as to why the subject was bothering me so much. As an only child, Rach's mum died when she was little in a car accident and her father was absent from the very beginning so Rach was raised by her aunt, someone she still holds dearly in her heart. She never had an upbringing like mine - a mum, a sister, and well, two dads.

"What do ya think I should do? I like having 'er around, 'er close to me, but I feel like it's just making things worse for 'er." Clenching the mug in my hand, I could feel my hand begin to shake as emotions ran through my body.

Setting the mug down on the counter, I looked over at my mum who had returned to preparing two more mugs of tea for Jeff and Rach, carefully placing the tea bags in the mug before filling them with hot water.

"Keep a watchful eye, but give 'er the space she needs. Imagine what she is going through, she's a strong woman to come back after what happened."

While I'm her son and she would never say anything, I knew my mum sided with Rachel when everything fell apart and to be honest, I would have done the same. The disappointed look on mum's face when I confessed what had happened is an image forever etched in my memory.

Watching as she stirred the tea bags around, switching between mugs before pulling each of them out and tossing them in the bin, I could feel the words I swore I wouldn't speak crawling up my throat to the tip of my tongue.

"'hink she's hurtin' 'erself again." An audible gasp left my mum as she turned to look at me, that same look of disappointment on her face that was directed at me not so long ago.

"What makes you think that?" Setting my mug of tea down, I looked out at the window again, Jeff returning to staring at the phone in his hand while Rach sat with her legs crisscrossed in the chair, scribbling thoughtfully away in the journal that rested in her lap.

"I was in 'er 'otel room and found a box of bandaids and I-I," I cut off, lowering my head down in shame as mum placed a comforting hand on my back.