stall me🌿brallon a.u

3:thank god for spencer smith

"dude, i'm totally gonna tell mr. morris something one day. if that guy doesn't stop giving me bullshit for everything i do, i'm going to lose it." i take a long drag from the weed poised between my thumb and index finger. i pass it over to dallon who's sitting beside me, his back pressed to a tree. "he's probably just having trouble in paradise. his wife most likely hates him like the rest of us."

i laugh at that. "i wouldn't blame her, he's such a fucking prick. i can't stand being with him for an hour, imagine the rest of a lifetime." he hands it back over to me and i take another drag from it. "maybe she's only still with the guy because he's a good fuck. he isn't bad looking, probably one of the best looking middle aged guys i've ever seen, aside from mr. joseph, of course." he shrugs. we've been out here for about 15 minutes, meaning class was going to start soon. i stand up to stretch and grab my backpack. "i'm gonna head back inside."

"alright. i'll see you in johnson's." dallon says with a smile.

i walk back into the school, slipping into the bathroom to bathe myself in cologne, that way i don't smell like marijuana. i'm about to leave when ryan is getting out of a stall. i hide inside the nearest one, so he doesn't hear or see me. "so brendon like- likes you?" the voice speaking isn't ryan's, but i recognize it as spencer's. "yeah, fucking weird right? i can't hang out with a fa.g, man."

tears threaten to spill from my eyes. how could he say about me? i thought i was his best friend. i stay silent though, if i didn't, then he'd know i was eavesdropping. "ry, i know that it's difficult to take in, but he's still our friend, you can't just go around dissing him like that."

"i don't care, we're in this school for a reason and i'll be damned if word goes around saying i'm- gay- just because that cocksucker kissed me in the cafeteria. if anyone dares to say anything about me, i won't hesitate to report him to the headmaster." ryan seethes.

"fucking calm down, dude. no one saw anything- if i didn't, then no one else did. you can't do that to him. he did nothing wrong." spencer defends. "if anything, you should keep your mouth shut. if you were to rat out brendon, you'd get in trouble yourself because you didn't stop him from kissing you. he pulled away himself before something else happened."

in this moment, i'm just mentally praising the guy. he's sticking up for me like the great friend he is. that's what i need right now; a great friend to confide in. i don't have very many of those. and in all honesty, i don't have very many friends at all here. the last thing i need/the last thing my parents need is the entire school finding out my sexuality and having me expelled. they've gone through so much shit for having my siblings and i at such a young age, they don't deserve to find out that their son was expelled for being a homosexual. plus, moving to a new location was already hard on all of us, texas was a big change compared to las vegas.

"just keep him away from me, spencer. i don't want him screwing up my life. i've finally gotten sadie to stop being a bitch and own up to cheating on me with jack. she promised to stop doing it if i stopped hanging out with brendon so much, so i took her offer. looks like it won't be that hard to stop talking to him anymore." damn, that one stung a lot.

"ryan, stop being such a douche. i wish you would think with your heart or brain instead of your dick sometimes. you're being really unfair to brendon right now and you're being really unfair to yourself. all he's ever done is be kind to you, and this is what you're giving back to him?"

"i should be giving him a punch in the throat for almost fucking up my reputation, but he's lucky i'm being courteous right now." ryan lets out a dry laugh, it's cold and has evil coated all over it. i'm begging that this is where he stops throwing daggers at my heart, and decides to go to class, which starts in about seven minutes. "i cannot fucking believe you right now, ryan ross. you call that courteous? courteous is thinking about others feelings and being considerate of them. you aren't being either of those, you should be the one getting a punch in the throat for being- for being- ugh! i have no words for you anymore. i'm going to class. i can't stand being near you at the moment, you're so fucking hypocritical."

the door to the bathroom slams shut shortly after and i decide to exit the stall. i shakily open the door and walk out. my eyes gave up, leaving wet streaks on my red cheeks. they weren't their usual rosy tint, they almost resembled a tomato due to heartbreak and frustration. my eyes are half open with tears pooling and dripping from the sides. breathing was becoming impossible to do for me. even though i had clouded vision, i made out a blurry ryan standing in front of one of the sinks. he glanced over at me innocently, before the look in his eyes change. they went from harmless to malicious in a matter of two seconds. the reaction made my stomach drop, and it felt like it fell down a thousand flights of stairs.

i was sick with myself. i wanted to gag myself until there was nothing left for me to throw up. i couldn't handle the way he looked at me. the way his golden eyes held a fire of pure hatred and annoyance. the way his grip on the counter tightened and his knuckles were almost cotton white. the way his nostrils flared, and his shoulders tensed. but most of all, i hated how i felt as if this was all my fault. as if i brought this all upon myself. i know i did, but i had the intentions of this ending like a fairy tale, where my prince charming was in love with me, too.

instead, prince charming wanted me dead. he wanted to rip me apart limb from limb, he didn't want me in his life ever again. he never wanted to see me near him ever again. i lost one of the best friends i've had in a long time and i couldn't reverse what i'd done. i didn't want to either, because it was better finding out who he really was this way, than finding out later in a worse fashion.

he opened his mouth to speak, but words never came out. i had a few for him, though, and they weren't pretty. "how dare i call you my best friend, you backstabbing bitch. i trusted you with so much, i relied on you to be there for me when i needed you, and all you have done is talk shit about me behind my back. what other things have you said about me? i'm a fa.g, a cocksucker, what other obscene comments have you made about me? woah, big deal, i kissed you! woah, big deal i'm not straight! i don't regret any of that, because now i know the real ryan ross. the coward who's scared to own up to his actions. the boy who doesn't give a fuck about what others feel or think- and yes i said boy because you aren't a man. you will never be a man, and that's your own doing. you can thank yourself for that one, you twat. why are people like you so goddamn ignorant? it's boring to hear the same thing over again, just because you don't have the same perspective on things as everyone else. get a hold of your fucking life, ryan, because, news flash! everything isn't about you or your sorry ass reputation. if this is a wake up call, than good. you sure as hell need it." i shove his shoulder slightly and wipe my eyes with my sleeves, leaving the bathroom and heading to geometry.

today already sucked and i didn't need anymore bullshit thrown at me. if i was fucked with any longer, i'd probably end up in prison, or a mental institution in a padded room with a straight jacket on.

i was always used to not having a whole lot of friends, and if i did, they were all fake, just using me for popularity. and maybe that's why it hurt so much to lose ryan. thinking he could be the person i could lean onto for support was a big mistake, but trusting him so easily and pouring my heart out for him was the worst error i could make.