Short Stories

7. Paper hearts

Paper Hearts

 unedited

Day One

I could never fully understand why she chose me. She said something about trust,and commitment. Said I looked like a decent guy with a heart to give. The first paper heart I had recieved was just a begginer, she hadn't wrote much.In fact, compared to the rest of er hearts this one was the least dynamic. I read it ,then I read it again. I read it a few more times until I fully understood it.

Some people are to focused on living they forget to die.

I finally came up with something to say,but she never really wanted to hear my conclusions. She said something about keeping em to myself and then givin em to er whenever she was done givin all of em to me. Anyways,that day I noticed sum different bout her,she was smilin.

Day Two

She wasn't smilin when she gave me this one. I think she had a bad day. I heard she got in trouble and er mother was in the hospital. When I asked her she just stared at me and handed me the heart. Told me to read it and this time write what I think about it on the heart for whenever I have to give em back. That night I read it:

Maybe happines,is just a dream and we live an allusion of thinking that's what we are.

I thought that one was true,or at least to me and her it seemed like it. People are never truly happy,and if so it only last a while. Happiness isn't forever there's always somethin that comes along and bothers you. She understood that as well as I and that night it occured to me that she never smiled because she was afraid to be happy. She was happy and now there she was poutin and confused. I stayed up till midnight writin er back. 

Day Three

She did something with her hair. Honestly it looked nice. She still hadn't talked to me any. Just gave me the paper heart and sashyed away. I couldn't tell if anything was wrong with er but from the looks of it she was okay. I began to notice that she heart was bigger.

During advisoy I slid the heart out unto the desk and scanned the words.

Can you remeber where you were? Before the world told you where you should be?

Pain has no color, love has no choice

Hate has no emotion, and souls have no voice 

That one was my first two parter. I liked both of em a lot. The first one made mw think for a lil bit but I mostly focused on the second. It took awhile to decipher her metaphors and put em into words but when I did I sure was happy. Pain has no color because everyone has pain. Love has no choice because we love how we love and are the way we are. And I could go on but im not. I was excited for my next paper heart.

Day Four

She left this one in my locker. I pulled back the flaps and revealed the fine cursive she wrote with her pencil.

The worst thing you can do to a person you love is like the person they hate.

Love is just a word. Until someone, someone special decides to give it a meaning.

I wrote back but it wasn't much. There was something off about that day. But I remember seeing her walking home with knee highs stained and shirt torn. She saw me to I know. Because her face went ghost and she failed miserably to whip her tears. I stopped, but she walked.I drove and she walked. She stopped. I waited and what she said next surprised me.

"Tomorrow is the last day I'll give you a heart." She walked until she was in a house and when she never came back out I drove away.

Day Five

I knew something was wrong when she didn't give this heart to me. A blamed it on myself for awhile. Never getting to know her. Never realizing what she meant until it was to late.

"Are you Jeremy, " asked a voice.

"Yes, that's me."

She handed me the paper in my hands and tore away.Said something about how I was handsome and Lena wrote it for me late last night and made er promise to give it to me.

One bullet was cheaper then therapy.  Five days was all it took for me to fall in love. I read all your replies and just about died. Something always told me I'd be dying for something. I'm stage four in cancer ain't matter no way my folks ain't never cared. My eyes smiled in yours every time. It was always you. You're all that ever made since in this world anyway. Ima miss something I never even had but I told myself that was fine. I shut myself down to protect myself. In our silence I found answers. The universe ain't want me here.I should 'ave been yours. Don't fight yourslef for whats already happened I didn't wanna be saved. It was just that light. I swore you were my world. Perfectly imperfect. You're a beacon to my life and I hope my paper hearts my guide you. That you find love within what I did. It's to late now. I should 'ave told you.

I love you.

Even when the world stops spinning. Even when it changes nothing. You are forever with me in my paper heart. Tattoed forever.

I cried that day.

A week after

If you ask me who Lena McCallum was I'd probably tell you what I knew. Which wasn't much. I'd leave out the paper hearts and metaphors. I'd go over how dear she was but I wouldn't say a lot about er. Lena was always who she was and maybe If I'd known her I'da fixed her. To late now. Her funeral was some days ago. I cried too. I cried something terrible over that girl I did.  Promised myself I'd write her everyday and I did.

It wasn't until I was older that I wrote her one back about myself. My last one.

Dear Lena. I thank you for everything. I'm grown now. With a head full of knowledge and better vocabulary. I was just twelve when you wrote. I'm sixteen now. Been schooling myself and writing vague metaphors. I wish you could tell me how good I'm doing. Anyways I never got to tell ya how I felt. The stars made you glow. You had a smile and thick as amber and a glow so bold I could be blinded. I knew their was something different about ya. Them five days was enuff to realize that you were important. You was pretty to me and radiant.Had a heart worth holding a heart worth loving. Still wishing I could have saved you. I can't figure out what had you so crone to suicidal idiocy but I ain't never walk a mile in em shoes to judge. Your sister says you was a bright girl. And I know it. Funny thing is five days. Five days was all it took to fall in love with you. But I'm sorry it took sappy metaphors and four years to realize it. All that paper on your grave is making it look less pretty and so I made this my last one . I'm sorry I can't let go. But I'll start by saying. 

I love you too.

The next day I laid the heart on her tombstone and when I went back Thursday I noticed a rose blooming where the paper once was, and I remember thinking that's the first time I smiled in a long time.