Baby When You are Drunk and I am High

We were destined for each other

She very softly kissed his jaw line to get him out of the trance and brought him back to reality. His eyes were then filled with nothing but pain and resentment. She could see that as clear as day. He sighed again audibly and then closed his eyes for a moment.

"When I went into the kitchen that morning I found her lying on the kitchen floor in her own pool of blood. Her wrists were slit and there was blood everywhere. She was still semi conscious, I jumped and pulled her in my lap and cried and told her that everything was going to be OK.I prayed to god to save her, I begged her to not go. She just gasped and whispered how she was sorry for marrying that poor excuse of a husband and father, She apologized for my lost childhood, for my miserable condition, She apologized for not being able to stand up for me while I just cried and said No I am sorry please don't go'. She said that she is not going anywhere that she is just leaving in person but her soul will always stay with me. She said she would never let me be alone that she would be there every second of every day to make me strong and then she just asked me one last time to run away to save myself from the same fate as hers but what she said in the end was what brought me here and made me what I am today"

She was absorbing his every word, She didn't interrupt nor did she made him feel alone she just sat there caressing his face gently coaxing him to go on and let it out. She was curious now about what his mother said. She knew by now that he blamed himself for his mother's death and she also knew that no matter what anyone says he will probably always blame himself. So instead of saying anything, she just asked softly

"What did she say?"

"She said and I quote "Don't become like him"!! And at that time I realized that I already had become like him, He may have physically hurt her but I was the one who drove her over the edge, I was the one who made her commit suicide. I was so lost in my agony and self hatred that I didn't even try and call an ambulance. She breathed her last breath and then her eyes fluttered close. Her body went lapse in my lap. I don't remember what happened next everything else was a blur. I just remember the paramedics prying her cold body from my hold. I wasn't letting go though I was crying and shouting and then my father came he pushed me away and held me by my shoulder while they took her away. I watched her limp body being carried out and I was flailing my arms so that my dad would let me go but he held me there and I couldn't do anything. He was shouting how I should man up and stop crying like a teenage girl. I was in so much agony that it overcame my urge to strangle the life out of him. That day I knew that I had to end this, I couldn't bear living with myself anymore"

"She promised she wouldn't go but she did, I made her. I pushed her away. Don't you see I am a curse, everything I touch perishes? Before I was born at least she had a life but after I came my dad wanted nothing to do with my mom. I destroyed her life by being born. Do you see now I am a curse always have been. I killed her I am a bloody murderer a monster!!!!"

She was once again baffled by the amount of self hatred he possessed but she also knew that I was ingrained in him so deep that nothing could ever erase it. His eyes were closed now while the tears were continuously pouring out wetting the pillow. She laid her head on his chest once more and pressed numerous soft feather light kisses on his scar as if saying that she understood. She was again lost in a dilemma how could someone so weak be so strong. How could someone as spineless (his words not hers) be so courageous as to try and cut his own heart out of his body? They stayed that way for some time before she traced his scar once more and asked softly

"It must have hurt so much how could you do it, how could you possibly try to cut your heart out?"

"All I could think that it would hurt just once and then it will all be over. No pain, no guilt, no resentment, only peace"

"I never thought like that I just thought about the painful death I never thought about the peaceful afterlife if it exists. You are right, you are so right" her eyes glazed over as she thought about the peace in afterlife.

She was lost in the thought of how peaceful death may be. God he was so right no more pain. No more disgust just darkness and peace. Her mind was humming with the thought of that peace. She was so close to just feeling it, she wanted it, she craved it...

"Unfortunately my dad found me before I could fulfil the deed, God! That douche neither did he let me live peacefully nor did he let me die peacefully. I went under a surgery and after that he put me under suicide watch, there always is somebody looking over me but I sneaked out today for the first time."

"So will you try it again?"

He knew she meant Suicide and not sneaking out, so he gave the honest answer without so much as a thought.

"Yes"

She was not surprised to hear that. Who would deny the peace that death would give someone. She knew by now that they were both damaged goods, they were damaged beyond repair but she was not worried about him she knew he will rest in peace all she was worried about was that she will still suffer. No! She wanted that peace, she needed it!!

"It's been a heavy morning, do you mind if we sleep some more after all there is nothing that we are going to do right?"

She said "why not, let's sleep"

With that said they both drifted off to the land of unconsciousness...