Queen Of All (Being Rewritten)

Part 1

        Sarah's View:         

    So here I lay once more in a cracked, bitter, and molded cell meant for rogues. Yet here I am a pack member with a twisted ankle from the fall down the stairs. My ribs crushed from one to many blows while my face is demolished to an unknown state.  Another day another injury for the smallest of offenses. today the offense that landed me in this hellish cell was dropping a plate of little value. What held no value in my eyes or the packs prior seemed priceless as it shattered along the freshly polished kitchen floor. The one who witnessed the moment of fault was a sibling that long since rejected me, she wasted no time in gathering the alpha and telling the whole pack of my incompetents. 

                  long ago I made a simple choice not to speak or fight but to listen and learn what they wanted from the subtle clues of their body language. This decision was gradual and all consuming as speaking equaled punishment. What I  had to do to survive became clear but the habit took longer to quick in. Clearly not the best at it but every experience is one to learn from. Tonight will be spent like many others painfully and alone, laying here battered as the little will left is spent clinging to life and hope. What am I even hoping for? What am I even surviving for?  The nagging questions inside burned away at me day after day like hits from the inside that hurt almost worse than those I felt outside of my mind. Those that are one with me heal me slowly draining the little energy we'd reserved. taking the pain as fuel the night as another lesson and this predicament as another step away from sanity. The greatest thing I fear is not the rejection that I'm certain will occur but the complete and utter loss of my mind.

              Laying in wait for someone to come and kill me, torment me, or beat me was all that kept my eyes open and my mind working. Safety was an illusion one I know doesn't exist. This wasn't my first time in a cell but every time I entered it I prayed to the moon it wouldn't be my last and as such, I waited for my brother, the beta, or whoever is sent to gather me from this predicament. Silence is what bless's my ears and overall senses aside from the trickling of water from leaky pipes and the occasional squeak from the mouse that wanders the halls. The simplicity this place offered was the only benefit of the ordeal. Embracing every second knowing it is precious and limited and that time can change anything for the better or worse. 

            The negative side of the silence was the silence itself as my mind grew louder and louder and thoughts run rampant of who I was versus who I am battle inside. I wasn't always the thing below a runt. Hell before becoming this state of being I never knew there was such a state of being lower than a runt. In packs, omegas are the lowest beings yet my pack hates that word and replaced it with runt. Other clans embrace their omegas and seek to care for them as to most that are strong caring for the weaker ones is the sign that they made it. I should know as compared to others I embraced the "runts" but that was before I became one even lower than them and in turn was abandoned as if I had never existed. I say I should know cause once I  was a warriors daughter as well as the teacher's joy with friends all over the pack. Then it changed in one fleeting moment as a fight broke out and the ones I called mother and father laid dead at my feet as the hackles of the rouges embedded into my memory. When we were found I was shuddering and later found out I had entered shock.  Three weeks was all it to took for everything I knew to change for eternity. 

                 when the bodies were found they also found a few rouges that my parents managed to handle before their lives were forfeited. Though young I was in training to be like them strong and brave, yet I froze. Though I was alive and a bit battered the stars of the pack were gone and the pain was worse for everyone but me as I was told I couldn't mourn what I had lost as it had been my own fault they had passed. When the pack found out of my lack of action the criticism rolled in and those who were called siblings wasted no time fleeing from my side to the side of the pack. They were taken in by the beta and his wife and found comfort and solace of the others but not I. Soon enough I blamed myself much as those in the pack did and nothing they said was worse than what my own mind said about me. The fall from a high-ranked individual to scum was just the first I faced and soon my mind fell as well allowing for doubt and hatred to creep inside and make a cozy little home. All that was left was a husk of the bubbly girl that once inhabited my body. The biggest question that bubbled beneath it all was am I really their daughter? Whispers over-heared from others and some clear differences in appearances wiggled enough doubt to make it a permanent fear.   
            I remember my first shift a couple of years back was in the woods by the stream alone so none would now. I feared their reaction and the possibility that my life would become worse. I remember the sheer agony that came with it and the struggle that each step brought yet I had to be alone for it. I refused to show my wolf to those who rejected me or maybe the reason is due to something deeper aside from the fear. Blackness filled my vision and left me unconscious for two days in the same spot my parents were found deceased. I wound up in the dungeons for two weeks with a broken collarbone. The shifts that followed that night and over a month period gladly took the beatings when I refused to answer the simple question of where I had run off to. They begged me to due something but alas I refused and blamed my lack of nutrition and physical stature. it was but a lie.