New chapter for you guys!
Okay, so I have exams coming up next week so I'm mad revising. I always start things at the wrong times.
I want a character you would be able to relate to and that's what I'm trying to do.
Sorry for the mistakes
This is a filler chapter as such ❤️
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Shania POV
You know when you lay in bed at night, and thoughts come to your head. Worst thing ever, I know, but that's what's happening to me right now. It's like my brain suddenly thinks " I haven't thought about everything in a while. "
What happens when you die? The world goes on but I'm not in it? It's over for me? Do I know? Can I ever find out?
It's like my mind is saying "fuck you, we're not sleeping tonight. Tonight we are thinking about random shit all night long"
These are the nights I hate, I swear I cry and go get in my mums bed. I have done that. Loads of times.
My mind was in overdrive.
Kissing my brother on his forehead, I tuck him on our pullout bed. It's around 12 o'clock and my mind is to tired to sleep.
My mum finished her shift about an hour ago, ever so
Slightly I walked in to her room creeping over to her bed, the crease lines on her once smooth face shows how hectic her day was.
When I grow up and maybe get married I want to be like my mum; she's my hero.
What ever obstacle is in her way she always passes it like she throwing a piece of paper in the bin.
She never once complains, naturally she is always trying to give us the Christmas and birthdays we deserve. I'm not bothered as long as we are together, family is everything to me. It matters a little more to Eli, so I tell my mum to always get him stuff not me, I got everything I need I don't need no more.
My uncles and aunts never cared, and maybe they never will. They only talk to us when we are handy to them; when they want something. My mums and my caring nature is the worst because we fall for it every time.
Think oh maybe they accepted us for once.
But no
Me, Eli and Mum
We are each-others everything we don't any one else as long as we have each other.
Kissing my mums forehead, I mentally make a promise.
It will get better mum, when I have enough money I will take you shopping and I will buy you anything your heart desires, you and Eli both. I promised her. I will help make our lives better.
I crept back in to the living room to see Eli sitting up rubbing his eyes, " where did you go Nia." His voice was thick with sleep? " I missed you, I have bad dreams when your not with me NiNi, please don't leave me again." It broke my heart as he said that so I promised him " I'm sorry baby, I won't leave you again you can sleep now I will be here when you wake up. And guess what tomorrow I'm taking you out for my birthday treat."
He seemed happy with my reply and cuddled me tightly; me holding him just as tight.
My dad showed me not to trust a man, and I don't think I ever will besides this little bundle of joy that cuddles me in a protective hold.
Well his not so little he's 11 this year, he was still in mums stomach when dad left. So he knows nothing of him. I was 6 when my dad left, I remember sitting at the top of the stairs while he packed his things wondering what I did wrong; naturally at that age I did think it was my fault.
He left me broken hearted, on the ground with nothing, he filled my heart with holes. Just like my family did.
I remember I used to sit on my bed and pray, I used to pray that he would forgive me for what I done wrong, that he would come back, that I could rewind and change everything; still now if I could go back I would. Not for me but for mum and Eli.
He tried contacting me, but I don't answer. I was worthless to him back then when he left us, not a card or present on Christmas or my birthday but that's besides the point what about Eli he had 11 years of not meeting his father and his father not caring. He's love doesn't come free, it has to be earned. His love I something I don't want anyway.
My dad burned holes in me, ones no one could ever fill. He broke me and that's why I don't trust anyone apart from mum and Eli.
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I woke with a start gasping for breath,
in;out
in;out
Breath in for the Re and out for the Lax
Another dream one that truly honestly terrified me, I had the same dream, night in night out since I was around 6. I might of had them before but I only remember having them after them.
Jeashh; my memory's bad okay.
I swear if my memory was any worse I could plan my own surprise party.
That's when I started to think about when Caden, James and Jake dropped me home. It was so embarrassing and to be honest I trust them. A part of me was thinking that when I go in Tomorrow that they would have told every one I live on the welfare, but then a part of me is like they are decent people and they wouldn't do that.
You only think that because you want in there pants, Shania. How do you know if you can truly trust them.
It's not my fault they are fine, but no I would never go there; nah uh uh.
Why am I justifying myself to myself?
Shut up stupid brain.
Oh god what has my life amounted to.
Slowly everything around became darkness and I was asleep once more.
" HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" I woke with a jump and fell of the sofa bed.
I got up groaning to see my mum and Eli stifling there laughs.
Oh I'll kill them for ruining my sleep.
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