Havana!!! Screamed my mother for me to come down stairs. Coming mum i say to her so she doesn't think things. Ugh fuck what am i going to do. I've just cut and i need something to cover the cuts. I quickly remember that i have bracelets in my old jewelry box i find them and i put them on. I put just enough to cover all of them on both arms.
I run downstairs and ask 'why'd you call me mum?' My mother says she just needed me to help her set the table for dinner but i think she has something important to tell me because we never have dinner at 5:30 in the afternoon always at 6:30 or 7:15. But no this time was different to early and my mother seemed stressing an anxious. Maybe my CAT scan results came in. I hope i dont have cancer i really dont. But i cant worry about it now i must concentrate on what i need to do.
Date: 06/08/09
Hey, i just got some really bad news i have cancer and i cant believe it im sitting on the floor balling. The doctors say i have stage 3 lung cancer and its possible for me to have a lung trans plant but theyre not sure yet. They'll try chemotherapy first and if that doesnt work, then. We try lung transplant. Please let me win this battle.
Time: 7:55
Song: The Place You Hide.
I walk into school the next day normally like nothing has changed even though it has and my crush walks over and says "hey, wanna go out friday?" I told him i would love to. I wont tell him about the cancer i dont want to ruin my future with him if i might not die. Maybe if i get better from the chemo i wont have to tell him until later on in the future. But for now i just hold on to what i can until i can find some peace of mind from all this crazy, depressing, stressing, and hurtful time. Maybe i just need to find a place where i can go and hide.
