Merely Existing

Chapter 10: The New Enemy

Recap:

Blacky was being shown around the mansion by two maids. At the kitchen, she saw an old woman who struck her as familiar, so she went after that woman. As the chef Jimmy, Tony and others noticed her disappearance and started searching, Blacky pulled the woman out through the back door to confront her in peace. There, the woman was revealed to be a girl and a member of Duras.

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Blacky's POV

Amy.

She was here....

The same light brown, almost gold coloured eyes, the same dirty blond hair..... all traces of the old women vanished to reveal this young lady. Her stare was burning hot, bringing a sense of nostalgia. It had only been three weeks, but for us, that night had been a lifetime.

It was such a hectic night....probably left scars for them, my Duras....

"Why?" She whispered, her hands suddenly shot out to wrap me in a tight hug, fingers gripping at me frantically as if afraid I would pull away. However, I only stood like a wooden plank in her embrace, the situation was far beyond my calculations which made me uncomfortable. After all, I hardly doubt that Claus would sent the Duras out here to hug me.

"Why......why? Why?!" She kept asking, her volume went up as different emotions coloured it, anger, depression, frustration..... She was a burning mass of energy, it almost scorched me to stand near her.

"You said you'll be with us....you said you were our leader....as long as you're there.....you promised me! So why?!"

I had my reasons, the answer was long prepared, but that doesn't change the fact I lied, I was a traitor in many ways. Then again, why bother? It was just another sin to add to a pile of others.

"I wanted to live," I replied her, making her jerk away from me to stare into my eyes. But all she saw there, and will always see, was the same coldness.

In the end, it was all just my selfish desire to live. I sacrificed hundreds of other lives for my own, I sank deep into darkness for this life, I escaped death, I made deals with devils, I threw away my humanity, I ruined others......all for the sake of living. I had no thought of any other but myself, my own goal.

I am selfish.

"I don't care! I don't care for those stupid reasons! Leader....please, just come back to us. It's not too late, we all need you, Claus wants you back, none of us hates you, we will forgive you, so please, come back..." Tears spilled from her eyes and silent sobs raked her body as she searched my face with just one frantic hope.

A very foolish hope.

"Coming back will defeat the purpose of escaping in the first place. I'm sure you understand that, Amy." I reasoned, but she just closed her eyes, shaking her head blindly. "You have already lost your Leader, accept that fact. Because once something is truly lost, it will never be found again. Moreover, it is pathetic for a member of Duras to cling to foolish hopes. This is not what you were trained for."

"Then at least tell me, why can't you 'live' with us? What's so bad about living in the Cavarone mansion?! That is our home! That is where you belong! Can't you see how out of place you look here? Leader, you have talents we could only dream for, and it's all put to waste here!" She had abandoned her tears, now it was purely immense conviction and determination driving her.

"We were all happy together, Leader. We were always living....so please don't make such stupid excuses. Especially you who had always obeyed Claus so loyally, you who had trained us so diligently, why would you throw this life away?!"