Drunk in Love

Chapter Thirteen

Ryan didn't go back outside until closer to seven thirty. The smell of steaks called out to him until he couldn't resist any longer. Dan was just pulling three large tri tips off the fire and setting them on a platter to rest.

"There you are. We thought you passed out on us." Dan handed Ryan a beer and they walked to the table and sat down. "So, you grew up with Erika? I bet she was trouble as a kid."

Ryan laughed. That was an understatement. Every time Ryan had ever been in trouble was because Erika talked him into doing something he wouldn't have done on his own. "That's for sure. My parents threatened to move after the second time we were brought home in the back of a police cruiser because she insisted on breaking into an empty office building and sneaking up on the roof with a six pack... for the second weekend in a row."

"How old were you?" Dan asked, amused instead of frightened away.

"Fifteen." I thought back on those days and wondered how things might have been different if I tried to kiss a boy. I probably would have never even met Zach.

Luke walked out and headed toward the steaks, tearing a piece off the corner. "Mmm, this looks good."

"Hands off. They need a few more minutes before we can open them up."

Luke popped the stolen skin in his mouth and came to sit on Ryan's other side. "Erika insists that I get to know you better so do us both a favor and tell me something about yourself so I can shut her up."

"That's my cue to leave." Dan stood and walked toward the patio door. Then he looked back at us and grabbed the platter of meat and took it with him.

Ryan and Luke both chuckled as they watched him hide away with his bounty.

"Well," Ryan had no idea what to say, "I just finished my third year at UOP. I'm studying business. And... I was just dumped two months ago so I don't know why the hell Erika thinks I'm ready to move on."

Ryan took a long swig off his bottle so he didn't have to meet Luke's gaze.

"Fair enough." Luke held his hands up in surrender. "I was just making conversation."

Ryan closed his eyes and took in a long inhale through his nose and out through his mouth. "Sorry. I know you're dealing with your own grief. Much worse than mine. I'm just being a dick."

"No, you're not. You still need time. I get it. I do too. But from one guy to another... it will get easier." He nudged his knee against Ryan's. "I won't ever get over Cliff but I am finally at the point where I want to start living again. I can imagine being happy someday. That's the first step."

Ryan nodded and stared at the boats littered across the horizon. "I can't imagine being happy. I can imagine being distracted for short periods of time, but not truly happy." Ryan cleared his throat. "But that's why I came. I'm hoping to be distracted this weekend and just have fun."

Luke tipped the bottom of his bottle toward Ryan's. "Let's just have fun." They clinked just as the girls and the steaks finally came back out for dinner.

~**~

It was almost midnight when Dan pulled Erika off his lap and took her inside. Ryan vaguely wondered where they were going because he was supposed to share a room with Erika and Dan was going to crash on the sofa sleeper. It didn't matter. Ryan could just as easily pull out the sleeper for the night.

After a lapse of judgment on his part, he spent the better part of an hour playing quarters with tequila and that wasn't a good idea.

He was on the brink of either passing out or puking when Luke nudged his elbow. "Wanna walk with me?"

Hoping that would soothe his stomach and his head, Luke agreed and stumbled out to the moist sand. Dressed only in board shorts and a hoodie, his skin felt cold but his insides were burning. He definitely had a date with the porcelain gods in his future.

"I have this theory." Luke was still holding Ryan by his elbow, half leading him and half... Ryan didn't know what else he was doing.

"What's that?" Ryan asked, trying to focus on walking straight and listening to Luke.

"We're only here for three nights." He stared at the pristine beach ahead and they kept walking. "Then we probably won't see each other again."

Ryan knew where he was going but didn't have the brain power to come up with words to stop it so he stayed silent and just nodded.

"So, if we wanted to have a no-strings-attached hookup, we totally could."

Ryan felt a chill run through his body. "Luke, I really—"

Luke stopped walking and turned to face Ryan. "Just think about it. I know you aren't looking for anything and neither am I. Sleep on it and if you still remember this conversation tomorrow, you can let me know what you think."

Ryan let his chin drop to chest and he heaved loudly. "Okay."

Without another word, they walked back to the condo. Luke gave Ryan a quick hug at the back door then walked toward the parking lot. Ryan let himself in and fell on the couch, not bothering to pull out the sleeper.

Before his brain could stop him, he was dialing Zach's phone number. If he was going to even consider anything with Luke, he had to know that there was absolutely no chance left with Zach. He didn't want to hear the words but it was time to start living again.

Ryan didn't look at the time so when Zach's sleepy voice picked up, he panicked and almost hung up.

"Ryan?" Zach cleared his throat and Ryan could hear the sheets rustling. "Are you okay?"

"No." It was the truth and the only thing he could say.

"Where are you? Do you need a ride?" Zach was anxiously pulling on a pair of jeans while he waited for Ryan to respond.

"Why are you doing this, baby?"

"Doing what, Ryan? Where are you?"

"I don't want him. I want you. But you've got Steve." Ryan's verbal diarrhea poured out and he couldn't stop it. "He wants me but I want you. Why don't you want me? Never mind. I know I can't compete with a guy like that. I'm sorry I called. I hope I didn't wake him too."

Ryan hung up and switched the ringer off his phone. He was asleep before Zach had a chance to call back.